To have taken away all the toys and gadgets and be upset with my children?

[DinosaursOnASpaceship]

They think I have thrown them all away but they are hidden in the wardrobe until I feel like giving them back. Including the power cords for their tv, ds and laptop.

They are 10 and 8 and I have been asking them for literally weeks to tidy the pit that is their bedroom. It was discusting. Wrappers and empty mugs everywhere, clothes thrown all over the place, discarded magazines and bits of playmobil and Lego everywhere. They couldn't play with anything as the parts were all over the place. Expensive toy sets that were getting trodden on and lost because they are too lazy to put them away.

Everytime I sent them to tidy up they would argue, fight, come downstairs telling tales and crying. Nothing has gotten done in the weeks that I've been telling them to get it sorted.

I've got an inspection from my landlady at some point so it needed doing. And today I lost my temper after an hour of them coming up and down crying and whining and doing nothing.

So I went up with black bags and sorted 5 bags of rubbish, a mountain of washing and hid all the toys. I left them downstairs with no tv on as I didn't see why I should be doing the hard work whilst they relaxed in front of cbbc.

And I've told them that they should be ashamed of themselves for letting their heavily pregnant mum, with broken fingers, crawl around on their floor because they didn't care enough about it to do it themselves

But it's how I feel. I'm a single parent to them, a toddler, nearly 7 months pregnant, I've broken three fingers on one hand and am saving everything I can to give them a decent Christmas on my own. I do all the cooking, the cleaning, the washing, I make sure I drag myself to the supermarket every week so they can eat, I wash up, I iron their school clothes and I do nice things like movie and pizza nights, Halloween parties and take them to play pool.

They have laptops, virgin media in their bedroom, games consoles, toys everywhere, and I am sick of being the mug that is exhausted by 7pm everyday.

I am irrationally angry - angrier than I should be over a bedroom. I have just had enough.

(I have left books and colouring stuff in their room)

Oh - and although I'm advocating ways of keeping the work down, I'm coming from a helpful place, I don't agree with Teabags sentiment at all. It's bloody hard work looking after squabbling preteens, and trying to keep your house tidy especially when you are pregnant and have a toddler. You must be shattered.

Applaudes OP - I remember those grim first weekends with my four getting their rooms sorted, moving beds, dealing with the detris of the past years and getting the house sorted so we could have some sort of order and peace. And I wasn't heavily pregnant with a broken hand. So jolly well done.

To the lady with two children and who worked - marvellous that you did so well - but I was quite shocked at how harsh and swift your judgement was of the OP - you sounded so smug. And with only two children, I guess you could be smug - as you have NO IDEA how much harder it is with three or more. (if we are making it a competition instead of being supportive humans)

Ive done this with ds1 (10) before. He wasn't taking care of his stuff and stopped cleaning his room so i bagged up everything but his furniture and a few clothes, took it round my dads and told ds that i had asked him to ebay it all as he wouldn't take care of his stuff. After a long weekend spent sulking we talked and he promised to be tidy so i let him earn his stuff back

That was a year go, he has all his stuff back and his room is kept pristine

Dinosaurs it sounds like yr DS1 is approaching the vile adolescent stage he may well be upset about yr exp and it's making it worse.

I was always careful to be very fair to my middle DD and when I C.M.ed 3 DCs; they are sensitive about being treated the same try not to ignore him if he's quieter and 'better behaved' than DS1 and it's best not compare them to their faces.

I think it probably was a bit overwhelming for them - it was for me. I think I will (when the toys are returned) get then to sort it into individual storage boxes so they can actually play with the toys they have. They are generally well behaved but the last few weeks have done nothing but argue - doesn't help that ds1 is getting older and feeling more grown up and trying to act it too. And to think, I am going to have 4 boys!

I've calmed down now after an apology from them both, ds1 has even made me a cup of tea! And I can hear the vacuum on upstairs. I think they are pleased to have space to play. I will be sorting through the toys over the next week I think to charity shop some of them - they just have to much. I think they have been quite shocked after my outburst, maybe they will have a think about things.

They are still not getting their toys back though, how ever much they are creeping!

i have every sympathy but i think it sounded like it had become too big a job for them to do - sometimes in a very messy room its hard to know where to begin. i think that perhaps it might have been better for you to go and help them instead of doing it for them....

and i have a tiny little problem with this bit:

"I do all the cooking, the cleaning, the washing, I make sure I drag myself to the supermarket every week so they can eat, I wash up, I iron their school clothes and I do nice things like movie and pizza nights, Halloween parties and take them to play pool."

you are their mum - and thats what mums do. they are 10 and 8, hardly of an age to do their own cooking, cleaning and shopping!

its hard when you are exhausted, pregnant and sick to look objectively....and they obviously need to do more in their room and stay on top of it, but on this one occasion it sounds like it was too bigger job for them to start with.

Weirdly DS1 was the tidy one of the 3! Not particularly clean but he liked everything in its place etc.

Now its "sorted" what about an easy chores list for them to follow - and stick to, mind! If they can be persuaded to do a basic tidy and wipe round it won't build up and they should be able to manage it. A bit of a reward might provide a good incentive i.e weekly treat.

Vicar - I know I was just ranting and feeling like life was completely unfair Kevin the teenager style maybe ds1 isn't the only one acting slightly teenagerish.

i think we have all been there dinosaurs

get your feet up with a !

sit down with 8 and 10 and talk to them man to man. you need help. they live in your house. they have to give you the help you need.
tell them how to tidy their room and how to keep it tidy. then tell them their other responsibilities about the home (quick - what do you want doing?), and how to carry them out. no reward, other than the job being done because it needs doing.
they'll get used to it and thank you later.

My dd's room is like this. Even I feel overwhelmed with it. I think this week I need to get tough. I'm going to do 10 minutes every night with her trying to sort it out.
I am a single mum working full time. If we've managed to get out of the house on time with clothes on the right way and at the end of the day we've eaten it's been a good day

I'd say at ten your eldest would be more than capable of doing beans on toast a couple of times a week, at that age my sister used to make pancakes, scrambled eggs and bake cakes.

Well done you op . Everyone is allowed a melt down every once in a while. My dc's bedrooms are the bane of my life. Have just returned to the sofa after a marathon clear out upstairs. No real advice just keep on keeping on.

OP, a tip to save you from having to retrieve grotty dishes from bedrooms: Get each of your kids their own
*plate
*mug
*bowl
*beaker
in different colours. Put all of the other dishes out of reach. If your sons want to eat/drink then they need to make sure their bits are clean and in the kitchen. Ditto for towels. Then when you see one chucked on the floor, you'll know which kid to tell off. Also seperate (marked) laundry baskets.

(My mum had 6 kids and got fed up cleaning up after us long before I was born!)

OP well done you! I too have DC of same age and find it overwhelming getting tidy up time done, and regularly have meltdowns of the 'look how much I do to look after them' type. I do have a DH around at weekends but he works away during the week and I work full time. You have to let yourself off! I struggle with it and I'm not pregnant with a broken hand. I applaud you - keep the faith : you're doing the right thing.

There was a big thread not long ago about a mum getting pissed off with her 12 YOs bedroom, and I was surprised at the amount of posters saying they thought it was nigh on a breach of his human rights to expect him to keep in clean and free of random experiments with his wee.

I understand the bit about having their own space, teaching them independence and how to get a system going for dirty washing/homework, but I've lived with people whose parents have given up and just left their children to their own devices, and they're not easy adults to live with.

No point having your own space if that space looks like a couple of days after an apocalyptic world event.

I'm anally pretty controlling tidy, but I haven't always been, it's because my parents kept on at me to do it. That's all you can do

YANBU- I would have done the same.

Teabag you sound just perfect. I bet you don't even poo.

Is this the tidying weekend then? I've just spent the WHOLE weekend (bar a couple of hours to take my mum to the supermarket) sorting out DD2's room while she's at cub camp. DD1, 11, was asked to to her own room - it's tiny, about 6 foot by 10 foot, but she's still managed to take longer than me doing DD2's much larger room and I'm not convinced it's as tidy.

I'm not that tidy myself which doesn't help, but when it gets to bombsite level I flip. Glad it's not just my children who don't seem to get tidying at all and spend 50 minutes out of each hour squabbling about who should be doing what rather than just getting on with it.

I've tried suspending pocket money until rooms are kept tidy but it doesn't work. Next time I think it will be removing toys and access to TV, computer and phone (DD1) to make the point.

I used to do my boys rooms when they were smaller and the mess was toys mainly. As they got older I would set aside a saturday morning and tell them that anything not put away in the next hour would be in the black bag and that worked quite well.

Now they are teenagers I don't do anything in their rooms. I tell them if they want to live in a pigsty its entirely up to them - however, a few weeks of that and no clean clothes to wear soon sorted them out and now, whilst they are not pristine by a long way, they remember to pick up and tidy if they want something done.

YANBU at all.I hope your fingers are better soon.

Your oldest two are old enough to help you out in general and should be showing you some empathy as well.

You sound like your a great Mum doing an amazing job at a difficult time.

I think you have done the right thing for now, being at the end of your tether. However, I think that the amount of mess would have been overwhelming for your DC and as a PP mentioned, step by step instrucions may be the way to go next time.

I hope your fingers heal quickly and that you are better soon.

Ahh OP I feel for you, we have similar battles.
I now do a thorough sort out monthly (ish) and then weekly I will sit upstairs with them and direct them, eg, 1 sorts the books, lego and teddies, the other puts away the clean clothes, makes the bunks and does the rubbish, one job at a time. Takes a while but then is easy enough to keep on top of during the weeks. Obviously its a little time consuming but slowly its becoming easier.
Im against taking the stuff away and sayings its been gunned unless its really gone as youll undermine yourself by giving it back and they'll see you didn't mean it but I can totally see how it could happen in your anger.
Fwiw, you're doing your best under tough circumstances so I hope they're now behaving themselves and you're able to put your feet up this evening.
Be kind to yourself OP, parenting is hard and no one can do their best all the time.