About my mums hoarding?

[ShouldaWouldaCoulda]

I have a mum, she is a hoarder.
Not really extreme but every room is FULL with... Stuff.
"useful" stuff or "things she might need one day"
Now she I desperate to get things sorted (grandkids can't visit) but still she cant help but take in more stuff. she is more of a rescuer than a buyer.
I'm having.a clear out next week and I'm thinking of banning her from the house until everything is gone.
For anyone that doesn't understand she gets genuinely upset if I throw things away without consulting her first.
So aibu to ban her or should I just let her get on with it??

I would love to see hoarding treated as the serious problem that it is. I know someone well whose children are under a child protection order largely due to her hoarding - the whole house is a serious fire risk but she refuses to tackle it as its her 'stuff' and she likes it that way. There seems to be no help available, and she doesn't understand that its not a harmless lifestyle choice but something that needs tackling. Its a very sad situation - she might lose her children because she can't bear to like her 'stuff'.

that should read 'to lose her stuff'

How likely is your mum to drop in next week? Really? Can you put all say charity shop stuff in the car ASAP and hide it, and rubbish tied up in black bags so she can't see what you're throwing out? Or just tell her it's not convenient to have her round until next Friday as you have plans.
If she's letting herself in and sifting through your bins, it isn't hoarding that's the main problem!

I sympathise - my ILs are hoarders and the only way to keep it under control is to remove a carload each time we visit, of stuff 'for the children' and then go to our charity shops. And keep an eye on our own behavior which is already cluttery.

I know hoarders can be lovely, it's just that they have a problem which can be a little antisocial in terms of visitors and also quite dangerous in terms of children in the house.
As I said, my father deals with it by limiting to a couple of rooms, strictly enforced by my mother, my mother in law limits it herself otherwise she wouldn't be allowed to have the kids in the house, which thankfully is a big enough incentive for her to control her impulses.
It is a mental health issue which people need to address on their own, but rather like alcoholics, until someone admits there is a problem, it can't be dealt with

Yep. It's also often more socially acceptable/less visible than alcohol abuse - probably because it's carried out inside and people don't usually see it. (Many hoarders have one room which is kept for best and visitors and which is relatively clear.)

It's a horribly complex issue. I don't, personally, think hoarders can ever be truly cured even with counselling - ie they'll always have a difficult relationship with stuff but might be able to 'manage' it if they have a big enough incentive.

I'm having a clear out I n my house I know she will want to come over and will take over half the things I want to throw away.

OH ok I get you now I was going to reply to your first post dont tell her you are doing it clear out and put stuff int he bin/tip so she can't get her hands on it,

My Mil bless her was like this she had 'stuff' everywhere and it was all useful to her, we left her to it she wasn't as bad as some as you see on television you could get in her house just there was piles of 'stuff' everywhere and she would take anyold rubbish people were throwing out,

Idk, I used to keep old clothes endlessly, to the point where my drawers and wardrobe were full, the loft was full of bags of old clothes that I was keeping just in case, makeup which had gone off years ago was in carriers in the bottom of the wardrobe, shoes I hadn't worn in years, etc etc.
One day I sat there crying because I was sick of seeing the few clothes I actually did wear in a pile on a chair because there simply wasnt room to put them anywhere else. Then I got some bin bags and took it all to the charity shop, which took 3 car trips. Now the rule is that if I haven't worn it for 3 months it goes in the charity bag. Same for makeup, and anything else for that matter. If I open a cupboard and see something and I think, oh so that's where that went, and I can't remember the last time I actually looked for it, in the bag it goes. My life is a lot happier now that I can actually tidy my house!

I love that Fly Lady saying:

"You can't organise clutter, you can only get rid of it".

My parents are extreme hoarders - it depresses them but they wont and can't help themselves. They won't let my sisters and I help them. It has had a huge impact on all of our lives , including depressive illness, anxiety and ability to form and maintain friendships. It's only now at almost 40 that I'm able to understand it.

mutny - just a point - who are you to tell other people how they have to feel? if i feel violated if someone steps into my home, i feel raped if they enter and remove things without my permission. and like chicken fillet, i am fairly confident in my assertion. a home is nothing like facebook. stuff is nothing like facebook. facebook is out in the world, you put it there for that reason. its the side of you that the public (or your friends at least) are welcome to share. but home is not like that, and stuff is not like that. and you don't know what you are talking about.

My best friend, and mil's husband are both hoarders.

My friend has raided me on a clear out, and made off with the 'loot' to stash in her already bulging at the seams home before, so ikwym.