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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is she?

27 replies

HtotheS · 02/11/2012 11:16

My mum doesn't work so is at home all week. A friend of mine cancelled so I rang my mum this morning and asked if I could go to hers for a couple of hours. She hasn't seen my daughter who's 15months for at least a month now, I thought she'd be pleased.

Instead she said she had lots of eBay parcels to get ready!!!

I was only going over for 2 hours max!

Is she being unreasonble or am I ?

OP posts:
OhDeerHauntingFENTON · 02/11/2012 11:21

Not sure, - it could be that she felt you were only wanting to visit because you were at a loose end having had plans cancelled - it wouldn't feel very nice would it?

How often are you in touch usually?

Original poster
HtotheS · 02/11/2012 11:23

Even if I had loose plans surely a mum would e pleased to see her grandaughter (even if she wasn't pleased to see me)

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/11/2012 11:25

depends if you see your mum just because you want to see her, or only when you want her to do you a favour really...

TeaBrick · 02/11/2012 11:27

You've not seen your mum for a month? How far away does she live?

Original poster
HtotheS · 02/11/2012 11:27

She would've been doing me a favour because I was a loose end but I'm still obviously pleased to see her

OP posts:
Original poster
HtotheS · 02/11/2012 11:27

I saw her by myself this week. DD not seen her for a month!!!

OP posts:
GoldPlatedNineDoors · 02/11/2012 11:27

But if your mother is busy today then she is busy today. Simple.

How did you leave it?

ImperialFireworksInMyKnickers · 02/11/2012 11:28

If she's already made plans it's not reasonable for you to expect her to drop everything. If she's doing a lot of eBay, she won't want to lose her status as a good seller by not sending stuff out fast.

Original poster
HtotheS · 02/11/2012 11:28

She only lives 30minutes away. She doesn't drive so it's always me tht has to go see her

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/11/2012 11:28

that doesnt really answer the question though..

do you go to see your mum on other occasions, or just when you want a free babysitter??

Original poster
HtotheS · 02/11/2012 11:29

Oh it was left fine, I'm secretly grumpy about it !

OP posts:
ImperialFireworksInMyKnickers · 02/11/2012 11:29

Just a thought, if you want her to see dd you could volunteer to help with the parcels. You could drive them to the Post Office for instance?

Original poster
HtotheS · 02/11/2012 11:30

Yes I do go see her on other occasions. I didn't want her to babysit (she's never babysat!!!!) I just wanted to pop around for a couple of hours to visit her

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/11/2012 11:30

ah, apologies, I misread as I was on the phone.. I thought you meant you wanted your mum to babysit for you...and I can see you now you wanted to go and visit her..

but I suppose if she is busy, she is busy.

Original poster
HtotheS · 02/11/2012 11:31

No worries. I think I just took her saying no a bit personally!

OP posts:
TeaBrick · 02/11/2012 11:35

My mum would be going insane if she hadn't seen ds for a month though, she would crawl here on her hands and knees if necessary, so ye I find it surprising that your mum didn't seem very eager to see her gc.

Original poster
HtotheS · 02/11/2012 11:37

DH is furious about it. Says she's selfish

OP posts:
bubbles11 · 02/11/2012 11:39

other people have different relationships with their mums i know but my mum "weaned" me off the idea that I could just drop by on short notice at a fairly early age (i.e around when i left home early 20s) - not saying it didn't hurt and there have been moments occassionally since when i have thought "i would just like to go home for a visit at the drop of a hat and see my mum" - but that is the way things changed.
So maybe it is not that your mum does not want to see you and it is not that she does not want to see the baby but just that she wants a bit more notice so she can be prepared for your visit / fully enjoy your company (both of you) when you get there?
but i acknowledge all families are different and many mums love their (adult) children just dropping in unannounced (or on short notice)

BrianAndHisBalls · 02/11/2012 11:46

seems strange to me, as Teabrick says mine would be going insane if she hadn't seen dds for a month.

Original poster
HtotheS · 02/11/2012 12:01

Yeah I don't know why eBay parcels are more important than us. She could've done them later on in the day

OP posts:
Ithinkitsjustme · 02/11/2012 12:34

Mine would be far more likely to say than it wasn't convenient than most people on here. I'd prefer to know that when I do see them it's at a time when we are all relaxed and not worrying about the million and one things we needed to do. I do wish that my parents sometimes could accept that we also have a busy life and we can't ust drop everything because today suits them, though.

mutny · 02/11/2012 12:38

Oh my god. She has plans. You phoned short notice, she was busy. Why phone her to ASK f you were going to get pissed off if she said no?
As for your dh getting 'furious', why?
Why is she selfish? I don't really think its got anything to do with him.

Callisto · 02/11/2012 12:42

I can't think of anything worse than a 15 month old getting sticky hands on all the stuff I've just sold on Ebay and now need to post, so I think yabvu actually.

And your husband is 'furious' and thinks your mum is 'selfish'? I think he needs to take a look at how weird and OTT his reaction was tbh.

TeaBrick · 02/11/2012 12:56

Presumably there is a backstory though? Op's mum has not seen her gc for a month. I think that's a bit odd really, but my mum lives very near and we see her often.

CocoPopsAddict · 02/11/2012 13:47

Did neither of you think say 'how about later this afternoon?' or 'how about tomorrow then?' ?

Would have solved it.