To expect dh to feed the baby while I'm out

[Mybabyseyes]

Help me to rationalise this please. Just had an argument with dh. I went out for the evening. Ds who is 12 weeks has been feeding every 2 hrs through the night tonight which is not like him. I woke dh to ask him how much ds had to eat & when he changed his nappy last night when he was out. He said he didn't. I bf him at
7 then when I got back in at 2 which means he didn't eat for 7 hrs. Ds sometimes needs waking to feed & doesnt wake if he is sleeping on dhs chest. I usually wake ds up if he hasn't fed for more then 5 hrs. I feel so guilty for going out & I know I am probably being unreasonable for expecting dh to follow my routine. I know rationally it won't do him any harm but I expected my dh to know what to do as this is our fifth.

Your opening states this is your fifth baby? Surely your dh knows what to do by now.

Don't feel resentful for him having an easy night. You had a night out. Everyone's a winner

No, he's a winner at the expense of his baby and his wife.

Having an "easy night" that involves taking risks with your baby's life is a special level of selfishness on the Lazy Twat scale.

I have told him about sleeping on the sofa. He normally falls asleep there in front of the telly. I will ask my other ds' what happened at bedtime as I suspect he fell asleep and they put themselves to bed! All bedroom lights were on so most probably.

My DS was sleeping through by 6weeks 7-8hours. We never woke him.

You wake a 3 month old baby to feed? What is this madness?!!

They can also growth spurt at 12 weeks leading to frequent feedings.

taking risks with the babys life????

the child was asleep... not screaming with pain or hunger..

Squeaky I think pp meant by sleeping on sofa with baby.

Have to agree op if eel awful enough when I fall asleep with DD2 in bed but a father do deeply asleep he didn't notice baby being moved is really worrying.

sleeping on a sofa with a baby is very dangerous squeakytoy, partic as in this situation where the adult has a history of very deep sleeping

Not just a history of deep sleeping - this man was so soundly asleep that someone moved the baby off him without rousing him.

What an irresponsible idiot.

TBH I'd be far more worried about the deep sleeping than the lack of feeding. That's what needs the discussion.
How old are your other DC?

Again I dont think the not feeding is an issue. A hungry baby would not settle back to sleep.

The falling asleep on the sofa is a big issue though. Not safe at all.

My ds2 slept long nights from when he was born. At 3 weeks I decided to let him go 8hrs and then from 6 weeks he slept 12hrs. Fully breastfed so very unusual but your ds might be wanting to do the same.

No need to wake him overnight to feed. Enjoy the sleep!

I have tried to talk to dh about the sofa thing. I have pointed out that it is not safe but he gets very defensive. I have also said that him not feeding him at 11 meant that I was up all night feeding which leaves me knackered today whilst he goes to work. But I think your right about not waking if I am with him and I should've rung dh to check.

Riiiiight. So your DP 'needs' so much sleep that he can fall asleep on the sofa with a tiny baby on his chest, then blissfully sleep through while your other children put themselves to bed? With no adult supervision whatsoever? How old are your other DCs? Because honestly, that does not sound like a good situation to me and not just from the pov that it is incredibly dangerous to sleep with a baby on a sofa.

sleeping on the sofa with baby is fine IMO, it was the only decent sleep i had when DS was a baby.

I would hate it if the DC put themself to bed as that is the time i say i love you and i am proud of what ever they did that day. They always good to bed with postive message.

It's NOT fine McHappy, it is one of the main risk factors for cot death iirc.

Surely it's a risk factor for suffocation or being rolled on by the adult? It can't be for cot death, which is unexplained. I always think whenever I read something like this that they must be 2 separate issues? Unless I'm getting confused which is always possible.

Sleeping with the baby on the sofa is very dangerous. Don't just 'point it out' to your DP, insist that he stops this immediately. And if you think he might do it again, don't leave him in sole charge of your DS.

Definitely not fine when he didn't notice the bBy being taken off him as he was so soundly asleep.

Sorry foxy I was using cot death as shorthand for SIDS - Sudden Infant Death Syndrome - which was wrong of me.

link on sofa sleeping

"Am probably jealous that dh had an easy night."

It is because your baby could not smell breastmilk from your dh, it would be easier for him to soothe him back to sleep without a feed.

This will work to your advantage when baby is older (9-12 months) and you start sleep training. Let your dh do the nights, with no feeding after 11 pm, and baby will learn to sleep through more quickly. The smell of breast milk will make it harder for you to do it.
Not that I am saying you should start sleep training now!

Thanks notquint. That is excellent advice

Other ds' are 11,9,9 & 5. They said the lights were on as dh let them read in bed. We will have a serious discussion about the sofa but ds has been feeding all night and is very alert this morning. Which is good.