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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my sister to give/lend me baby things rather than sell on ebay

28 replies

cheesestar · 31/10/2012 13:32

She is not short of a few bob so that's not the issue, she just seems to like the ebay buzz! annoyed as i gave her loads of stuff when she had her first child. It's been quite a few years since i had my first child and i gave everything away in between babies (stupid i know). I would always check if friend or family member needed anything before i considered selling my stuff. She actually offered to sell me her cot for £50 and said i could sell it on afterwards, i told her i don't have any spare cash at the moment so she put it on ebay!

OP posts:
Ithinkitsjustme · 31/10/2012 13:34

Maybe she's more hard up than you know. If I could afford to give things away then I would but we're not all that lucky. Have you actually asked if you could borrow it?

StripyShoes · 31/10/2012 13:34

Yabu.

MimiSunshine · 31/10/2012 13:40

Maybe she isn?t short of a few bob because she sells everything on ebay.
I don?t think you can expect anyone just to give you something for free, not even sisters. Hope, ask even but not expect. Unless you know the exact details of their finances you don?t know that ebay is just for the buzz and not actually buying food or winter coats fro the kids. And just because its not what you would do doesn?t mean she?s in the wrong.

I think the most you can do is be honest and say you?re really strapped for cash and you would really appreciate her helping you out and maybe suggest that you borrow said items, do your best to keep them in top condition so she can have them back to sell on afterwards.

WofflingOn · 31/10/2012 13:42

Do you get on with each other, have a friendship?
Have you told her outright that you need the stuff and can't afford to pay for it?
It seems odd to me, but my family are very open about sharing and levels of poverty within our various families.

Petsinmyputridpudenda · 31/10/2012 13:42

Yabu it's her stuff to do with as she wishes

LRDtheFeministDragon · 31/10/2012 13:43

Technically I think YABU, because 'you don't give gifts in order to get something back', and so on.

But if I were you I would feel a bit put out too, since she seems to have forgotten your generosity so quickly. And let's face it, you giving her baby stuff for free the first time round was hardly one-off gift (the kind I think you genuinely shouldn't give in the hopes of a specific response). It was your attitude that you should help out family. I do think it is a bit rude of her not to do the same.

halloweeneyqueeney · 31/10/2012 13:44

people who don't APPEAR short of a few bob, often are! maybe its important to her to appear to be fine financially at all times even when its a bit tight

I think YABU, I don't expect to be given anything, its just nice when it happens, she might not get what she expects from ebay anyway and you might still get half of it unless you're in a strop with her by then

kellestar · 31/10/2012 14:06

See, my sister is cross with me for selling on my bits for DD that I've not got on with or had little use for keeping for another one. I am currently expecting DC2 and she is cross with me as it'll be a long time before she gets the stuff [we also hope there will be a DC3, so in all liklihood it's going to be a lvery ong time] she is currently ttc, so doesn't actually have dc yet.

My SiL has 2DC's that are much older than DD, she has offered us things in the past at a price, one that I am not willing to pay as it's usually quite high and usually not worth that [even new]. So it's never bothered me that I don't get hand me downs from her.

Though on the outside it looks like we are quite financially sound, things are tight, most of the stuff I've bought secondhand. Any money I make from selling things on eBay or elsewhere is spent on other things for DD [next size up clothes or next stage toys for example]. I've offered items among friends who do have dc for a reasonable price, usually the BiN price on eBay. My sister will not pay and expects to be given it for free, she is cross that I would rather sell to friends than give it to her, though she'd expect me to store it for her until she needs it.

If you make it clear your looking for things and she offers it to you at a price, it is then up to you if you can afford it or not. If you can't afford it, you shouldn't be offended if she does sell it on. You can be annoyed if she asks for £50 from you but lists it on eBay for 99p and it sells for that.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 31/10/2012 14:09

Yabu.
I dont appear to be "short of a few bob", but I wont get paid this month.

Why did you not want to buy her cot? £50 seems a good price.

Marne · 31/10/2012 14:11

yabu its up to her wha she does with her baby things, would you expect her to give you her car when she had finished with it?

I always sell my kids things on e-bay, mainly to help buy new things, i never pass things on to others for free (maybe i'm just tight) Grin.

nannyl · 31/10/2012 14:13

maybe because you can buy a new cot for £35 in ikea?

weeblueberry · 31/10/2012 16:10

It's probably because she sells stuff on Ikea rather than giving it away that she's 'not short of a few bob'. YABU.

weeblueberry · 31/10/2012 16:10

Bugger - sells stuff on eBay, not Ikea.

Baby brain... Angry

Ragwort · 31/10/2012 16:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all (and am surprised so many people think you are) - if you gave her baby stuff when she had her child I would assume that she would clearly offer you some of her stuff now that you are having another baby. I think it is incredibly mean to sell stuff on ebay when your own sister is having a baby. I would ask her outright if you can borrow stuff ............. if she says no I think you can assume that you relationship is not as close as you would like Sad.

Perhaps its just the way me and my friends are, we are always passing stuff around, wouldn't dream of selling it on Ebay (wouldn't dream of buying anything brand new either Grin).

flossy101 · 31/10/2012 16:19

Depends on your relationship I suppose?

I know my sister would give/lend me stuff and not expect any money and vice versa because we are very close.

If you are close I'd say your not unreasonable especially when you gave her things too.

HerRoyalNotness · 31/10/2012 16:38

See, this annoys me a bit, the expectation. We're comfortable, not wealthy by any stretch. I've spent shit loads on things for our children. I have many friends with DC that I could offer things to, but they seem to expect it. And I think, you know what, why should I? This is my hard earned money that I'm spending, they mostly are SAHM, if I can get a few dollars from selling the bits I don't want to keep, say enough to buy my DC a winter coat, then I will. I'm sure they Hmm about it, but tough!

I've seen the greed at their baby showers, with their lists, asking for strollers and car seats! I think, my goodness, you wanted a baby, do you think everyone else should buy all the stuff for it! And apparently the answer is YES! .

However, if any of my sisters needed baby stuff, I would let them borrow it, provided I could have it back after they'd finished with it.

jammybean · 31/10/2012 16:40

YATotallyBU

DinosaursOnASpaceship · 31/10/2012 16:45

Im pregnant and my sister is due a few months after me.

She keeps saying she can't wait for me to pass things across to her, mainly maternity clothes at the moment but it will be baby stuff before long - Moses basket etc.

And normally I would - I gave all ds3s stuff away, but I am broke and will need to sell the things on eBay to pay for the next size up clothes that the baby will need and sell my maternity clothes to buy clothes for me after the birth.

I don't feel good about doing it but I simply can't afford to give things away for free. Made even more complicated as she gave me some of her used stuff for ds3 last year.

Narked · 31/10/2012 16:53

What Weeblueberry said. You're mad at her for selling her stuff and not giving it to you? Incredibly entitled of you. You gave away all your stuff! That might be why you don't have any spare cash!

expatinscotland · 31/10/2012 16:55

YABU.

If it's any comfort, baby stuff is not selling very well on Ebay.

I wouldn't pay £50 for a used cot because I can get one new in IKEA for cheaper.

OhTheConfusion · 31/10/2012 16:58

Gosh, I don't think YABthatU.

I have just given my bf (as close as any sister) my crib, bedding, mamas and papas swing seat, car seat and isofix base, pram top (she just bought the same pushchair part), steriliser and a pile of baby clothes.

I know anything in good condition will make it's way back when she is finished with it and I will choose what to do with it then (DC4 is unlikely). I know we are lucky to have these things and many were gifts, I also know she was not expecting this and would have bought alternatives but I don't see the point in her doing that when it was all here.

DD2 is currently playing with the hand me down toys bf sent us!

I am a strong believer in what goes around comes around and think its a shame your Sis has such a short memory :(

Phineyj · 31/10/2012 17:00

I think you are not BU to expect a sister to help you out, but there are sisters and sisters (mine hasn't offered me anything for my pregnancy/baby - says she chucked it all out years ago, while a few friends have been really generous) but YA(probably)BU as I suspect this is what she is normally like about giving or lending stuff?

expatinscotland · 31/10/2012 17:00

I don't get loaning people baby stuff and expecting it back.

Once it's done a few kids, it's usually knackered.

Let it go.

HeinousHecate · 31/10/2012 17:28

Can you get a cot for less than £50?

Where are you going to get your stuff from?

I just think that if you need it, you're going to have to buy it, if you say no to your sister on the grounds that she wants you to pay - you're just going to have to give someone else the money.

And yes, it seems a bit mean from a sister, but maybe she's mean Grin perhaps she's wealthy BECAUSE she doesn't give stuff away Grin

But to say I won't buy it from you because you ought to give it to me, therefore I am going to buy it from someone else, seems a bit of a pointless thing.

Although I must admit, to my great shame, that I would be really petty and passive aggressively laugh and say wow, I wish I'd thought of that when I gave you all my baby stuff for X. I'd have been quids in. Missed a trick there, didn't I?

frogspoon · 31/10/2012 17:42

Please tell me if I am interpreting this wrong:

annoyed as i gave her loads of stuff when she had her first child.

So you gave her your baby stuff after you were done with it for free.

But she is asking you for money to have it back?

I think she is being unreasonable.