to think marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be?

[NittyNuttyNoo]

I am not married and have never been married but do like the idea of being married one day.
However I went to a wedding recently which was a second marriage for both the bride and groom. When they were saying their vows it hit me that they have both made those vows before so how does it make any difference this time round? I know that they were both obviously married to the wrong people before so things are different in that sense but they both still broke those vows they made which kind of makes them all a bit of a joke.

My parents are divorced so maybe I have a bit of screwed up perception of it all but if vows can be broken so easily then what is the point in making them in the first place?

I am with a long term partner and I do want to marry him but I am in no rush as don't believe marriage will change us and being married doesn't make you a better couple.

Hmmm

i don't think he will want to upset the apple cart, after all he has everything he needs, are you, please don't take this the wrong way, making excuses telling yourself that you won't be able to pursue your hobbies, things would change but you don't have to give up your interests outside the home. you sound like a single parent already but you are getting on with it and sounds like you are doing a great job, your husband doesn't really fit in your future life does he ? he may not realise things have changed and i think you need to have another chat. don't be emotionally blackmailed by him. it's your life and you have a child in the middle of it all, he will know things aren't right with mum and dad.

Marriage is excellent... for sorting out next of kin stuff, securing access to children if one of the parents dies and makes children more financially secure.

Won't make you a better couple.

That's about it.
I married DW because I love her, and she wanted to be Mrs OMC.
XW had put me off marriage completely.

Marriage used to be-and still is for many-a religious thing which means you can interpete the vows in different ways. To me they mean 'i will try my best to..' and 'i will do unless...'. Which means that if he decides to gamble our house or to give me a black eye or few other things then no, i won't try to save it. He knows that, i've made it clear before we went ahead so i won't be a liar.

Second marriages - People make mistakes, they don't have to suffer, life goes on. Often second marriages are very good.

Big weddings- its a party afterwards. You can have a big one or a small one. As long as they haven't stole the money and they don't ask me to fund it i don't mind. Parties suppose to be swallow anyway, i don't get this hate here for 'swallow' weddings and 'swallow' bdays. How meaningful has a party to be? Life is hard enough imo a bit glamour and a bit fun makes a good break.

I sat at a wedding in the spring which was 2nd time for the philandering groom. I pursed my lips and judged.

Then my husband left me in the summer.

I'm 34 with 2 DCs. I don't want to believe that I'm destined to spend my life alone. I'm unlikely to meet someone in this age bracket that hasn't been married or have kids. So now what

If you think that marriage is the 'Happy Ever After' then YBNU, it isn't. It's the start of something that will only work if BOTH put masses of hard graft into it. It's not always fun, it can be a battle, but if both of you are on side, I can honestly say it's bloody worth it, I've only been married 13 years, if it endedtomorrow it would have been worth it.

It would also have been 'worth it' just to be his partner, but from experience, our wedding day is one that gets us through the sad times as it was 'us' at the centre of the world (the ceremony of that day should never be underestimated) and our vows get us through a lot of doubtful times, the legality and binding of the law makes us dig deeper, not just because it's about what we could lose but what we'd get too!!!

If you think of marriage as the start of a new story, not a chapter perhaps, but a volume, then YANBU to think that many stories end in gloom or depair. Few have 'happy endings', it's never fun to watch your spouse die, or think about dying before them. However, some can be said to be 'a life well lived with love'... my Gran and Grandad, 54 years, my FIL and his wife, 47 years until she died, but it was stil worth it.

You can get to happy ever after and add 'then it all turned to shit', that's you story, and there's far too many innocent victims of that. Or you could be actually lucky.

I don't live in a fairytale, but it started as one and reality is satisfying even if it's not so exciting as the unknown. Knowing you've promised everything to someone is profound.

I'm on my second marriage. But I never broke any vows. My XH did that all by himself (well he had a little help from ow).

I would never begrudge anyone another chance at happiness. And if that means a further marriage so be it.

So op I think YABU.

Marriage means different things to different people.

YABU to think that just because some people break their vows that everyone's marriage is 'a bit of a joke'. That is like saying that all parents are terrible because one abused their child

I guess I just don't have a good view of marriage. I have my father to blame for that.

Hopefully I will have that view changed one day.

We got married after 7+ years and two DC. MIL's diagnosis of terminal cancer prompted it and I think we'd still be waiting for 'the right time' for many years to come otherwise.

I wasn't bothered really - I knew there were legal benefits and I knew DH and I were forever, so I had no problems with marrying him, but I'd never had dreams of weddings and husbands etc. But actually, it feels good to be officially a unit, a partnership, publicly declared.

I'm very glad we got married, but the marriage is icing on the cake - the relationship is the framework it all hangs on.

Also, my DH's parents were very happily married but my parents' marriage is a complete shambles.

Marriage is what the couple make it.

I love being married, hate weddings, didn't have a 'proper' one, mine was similar to Isandri's.

DH's parents have been married for almost 40(!) years and still kiss & hug all the time, you can tell they're still really into each other. That's what I want from a marriage.

On the other hand;

I've got a cousin who was married twice in 2 years.
She was paying off the cost of the first wedding when she got married again...and had another big 'proper' wedding, they're heading for divorce (3yrs down the line) & she's still paying off the first wedding!!

It's what you make it, and just hope you marry the right person who doesn't turn out to be a massive arsehole.