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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish the sonographer hadn't gone on and on about my 'little princess' and being 'daddy's girl'

18 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 30/10/2012 11:13

More serious thread about this in the Pregnancy area BUT

AIBU to wish that the (very well-meaning, I honestly think) sonographer who did my 20 week scan yesterday had NOT gone on at length about our 'little princess' when revealing the gender and more importantly not gone on and on about me being outnumbered now and her being a daddy's girl. Plus lots of comment about her posing for her picture like a proper little model.

I KNOW she was only being nice and it's just one way of being positive about the gender announcement.

But it has unsettled me a huge amount (many, many issues with my own mother that the news of having a daughter is bringing up for me) as I now can't shake the idea of my little girl as a proper little madam/spoilt princess of the kind I would not like to bring up and the kind who made my life a misery at school.

I also know that this is my own 'stuff'.

But still, she did go on and on, despite fact that DH and I were both not rising to it.

Anyone else had a similar experience?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 30/10/2012 11:18

No, I have to say it does sound as though you're massively over reacting to this but then again you know that.

I wish my elderly neighbour hadn't told me about her DH's bowel problems outside the Newsagents this morning.

But the fact is people make small talk.

It's not worth fretting over, the sonographer will have completely forgotten you, your DH and your baby by now...just to put things into perspective.

EuroShagmore · 30/10/2012 11:18

I really do think your own "stuff" is influencing your view here. She was probably just babbling on because she sensed you were nervous (I remember your thread yesterday) and was trying to take your mind of the medical checks she was doing.

bulletwithspookybatwings · 30/10/2012 11:18

I KNOW she was only being nice and it's just one way of being positive about the gender announcement Concentrate on this bit.
If you truly think you are going to have issues with having a daughter because of your mother then get some counselling. I think you need it if one persons comments before the child is even born is making you think your daughter will be a 'spoilt princess', she will only be that if you bring her up that way.

aldiwhore · 30/10/2012 11:21

I've not had direct experience in the same circumstances, but you have to develop a deaf ear as regards comments loaded with assumption, even if they're well meant.

Sometimes you do have to speak up. Mostly though turn your deaf ear towards them!

I do understand the worry regarding having a little girl. I have two boys, but I WAS fretting over having a girl... not because I didn't want one, but because the thought of history repeating itself in relation to my own mother/daughter relationship brought with it a certain anxiety. (My mum is lovely by the way, we just have a bit of a clash of personalities!! Understatement)

What you need to remember is that you will LOVE your dd with all your heart, regardless of whether your personalities clash or not! You won't be your mum, you will be you. Your dd will be her own person too. You can avoid your big fears by how you parent - you don't have to treat her like a spoilt princess after all.

My friend has a lovely dd, who is just the right side of "precocious madam". She is a wonderful child, truly wonderful, and I know her mum has tried to steer and guide her dd to keep her on the right side! You cannot fight your dd's personality, but you can guide her to be the best she can be.

YANBU to be irked by the sonographer. YABU to think your dd is automatically going to be something you just don't like. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 30/10/2012 11:24

OKey dokey, thanks ladies!! I do know I am being more than a teeny bit U. :)

Yes, EuroShagmore, I think she was just babbling to put my mind at ease.

Feel a bit bad about being irritated by her now. In all fairness I tend to babble utter rubbish a lot of the time too.
I think it was just more because me and DH are SO not the kind of people to be actively wanting a 'little princess' that it felt very unnatural - but she coudln't have known that.

I have been told :)

OP posts:

Tyranasaurus · 30/10/2012 11:29

There are a lot of wellmeaning clueless people out there. I tend to make a joke, youi know look really disapointed and say 'oh no, i was hoping for a tom boy'

MrsCantSayAnything · 30/10/2012 11:36

I was nervous of relating to a girl (I have 2) but have found that it's a dream of a relationship.

They're untouched you know...by any of society's bollocks about princesses etc...so you can shape them and help them become proper women with no fear and no hangups.

bedmonster · 30/10/2012 11:36

Very few people are 'actively wanting a little princess', most people are just happy to be expecting a healthy baby.
Agree with PP, the sonographer will have long since forgotten you and your baby, she was just babbling to make her day go a bit quicker.
And is there really a more serious thread about this elsewhere? Why?

honeytea · 30/10/2012 11:38

Yanbu I hate the little princess culture that is popular at the moment.

The sonographer said to us that our baby boy was proud of his testicles as he was showing a clear view of his boy bits on the scan, I thought that was an odd thing to say I don't think she would have said a baby girl was proud of her labia. Another sonographer used the phrase "showing off" about our ds as his Willy was visible on the profile body picture, again I don't think she would have said a little girl was showing off her fanny.

I know you were worried about the scan, congratulations on your healthy girl :)

Chubfuddler · 30/10/2012 11:38

I would have said something to her actually. But then I am becoming more of a harridan as every day goes by. I'd have been nice but I'd have called her on the princess shit. It's irritating.

mummytime · 30/10/2012 11:45

Personality isn't fixed at birth, never mind at 20 weeks post conception. Of course she isn't going to grow up to be a little Madam.

Go for a walk or do something to help you get this under control.

Then decide with your DH how you are going to raise this little one; I would suggest lashings of love, a united front and learning to wait for things, would be a good start.

Congratulations!

MaMaPo · 30/10/2012 11:46

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's partly because of these gender-laden responses that I chose not to find out, and will be trying to fight against the ideas of girls being 'princesses' and 'models'. I know it will be a battle, and I will love my child regardless, but if I'd been in your situation there would have been some eye rolling and maybe a comment in response.

mrsfuzzy · 30/10/2012 13:40

stuff the daddys girl and princess crap where the sun doesn't shine apart from the brat angle it is patronising and vomit inducing!

MooncupGoddess · 30/10/2012 13:42

To be honest I would object to this as a feminist, and think that as a professional she should try to avoid vacuous stereotyping of this sort. It's a different situation from some old lady coming up to you in the street and chatting inanely (where I would agree you should just roll your eyes internally and forget about it). So actually I don't think you are being unreasonable at all!

weeblueberry · 30/10/2012 13:42

Having read your thread over in pregnancy, I can see why you've been upset by it. There's a lot of background to it you've not gone into over here. I don't think it was said to hurt but can understand why you've reacted to it in such a way.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 30/10/2012 13:48

She was just blabbering on and clearly not reading the body language that you and DH were displaying, but not everyone is very 'aware' and I think she was just doing her best to be friendly and put you at ease.

Clearly there's a lot of background to this and I think she's done you a bit of a favour and highlighted some issues you really need to work on.

Try to see it constructively and not be upset.

LittleAbruzzenBear · 30/10/2012 13:51

It is annoying, but she probably meant well. I would have said, no thanks, my daughter will not be a princess, into pink and will climb trees etc! I hate all that princess and pink crap too. As others have said, you are obviously not into that so your daughter is unlikely to be that way. I have a few issues relating to my Mother and being bullied at school so I do understand where you're coming from. Congrats on the pregnancy.

panicnotanymore · 30/10/2012 13:52

I think she was unprofessional - all I've had said to me was 'do you want to know the sex?' It's a girl' by one sonographer, and 'definitely a pink flavour' by another (older man, he was a bit jokey, but professional with it). You were unlucky with the person who did your scan. She'd have annoyed me too with such mindless babble, but it isn't something to brood over. Just write it off as inappropriate small talk.

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