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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sell (rather than give) all my baby clothes & equipment to a friend?

61 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 30/10/2012 07:17

A work mate / friend is currently expecting her first baby and I have just had my last baby (I have 3), so I am looking to clear out all my baby stuff and she is looking to buy. I have known her for about 10 years and although I'd describe us as friends, we aren't particularly close or anything, we get on well at work but have only gone out socially together about 5 times over the years. However we are a bit closer more recently since she has become pregnant.

Anyway, given we are friends it feels a bit awkward now for me to ask her for money for the baby stuff. I gave her all my maternity clothes for nothing but I have absolutely loads of clothes, plus the usual Moses basket, steriliser etc to get rid of. Given the price we originally paid for everything I think I'd need to charge something but given she is a friend I have no idea how much to ask for, it seems a bit awkward somehow but I know she'll insist on paying something too.

So Aibu in asking for money? If not, how much (% of original costs) should I ask for?

OP posts:
messtins · 30/10/2012 07:43

Maud corrected that statement to read half price for big items. I'd tell her you are planning to eBay or NCT sale the lot but she can have first pick. Maybe you can buy her a nice baby gift with some of the profit?
I think if it's done 3 babies you've had your money's worth out of it, but if you need the money by offering her first refusal you avoid her feeling pressured to buy or you being resentful of giving stuff away that you could have sold.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 30/10/2012 07:46

But the friend shouldn't presume the stuff is free. When I've sold stuff to friends I've based it on the going rate on eBay and then calc'd a mates rate off that. Just don't tell her to 'pay what you think it's worth' cos that's massively awkward for everyone.

ButtonBoo · 30/10/2012 07:51

Could you say that you were planning on ebaying or selling at a car boot but if she's interested you could do her a good deal.

It's nice to do a good deed and give her lots of stuff for free but this way you both benefit.

50%? Depends on quality etc. really. Maybe less.But a whole bundle of clothes, toys and paraphernalia that'd cost £200 and you offer for £50 for example. Depends on what you'd do with it otherwise I think. If you can sell it on eBay but can't be arsed with the faff then I think it's a great idea.

Brycie · 30/10/2012 07:53

Yes Richman - people are realistic, everyone is struggling, they will get something nice, cheaper, they know where it's been - you will get a few bob, people shouldn't be embarrassed.

nellyjelly · 30/10/2012 07:57

Depends how much you need the money. Would charge for big stuff but give her clothes as you won't get much for them anyway tbh.

MrsKeithRichards · 30/10/2012 07:58

Sorry Maude cross posted with your corrections!

Zzzzmarchhare · 30/10/2012 08:06

A friend offered me some of her baby stuff-she fixed a price-50% for stuff she said was good as new. I agreed but then the stuff wasn't as good as new-bits were missing etc. I bought a small thing but refused any other offers of stuff as I was concerned there would be awkwardness when a price was mentioned that I thought was too much. I would get her to see the stuff before she says whether she wants it and set a price from the outset.

mmmerangue · 30/10/2012 08:20

Having been given a lot and also bought second hand for my first born, I have passed most on to my SIL who's son is about 6 months younger. Have asked her that if she is selling anything on we split the profit but I would rather she donated it.

Got my pram and high chair second hand for the cost of a 50 mile drive, and the family friend from whom we got it chucked in a big box of baby toys and a brand new toddler duvet (on we didn't need it for 18 months, but still!) They pram and high chair were pretty well worn but good brands. I would have been happy to give her money for them but she didn't want it.

I don't see a problem with saying 'I have some stuff going for sale, do you want any I could do you a deal?' Don't think a friend would mind given the prices of some things new. She may also want to get some things new, or have them promised from others, so there's no point you giving her a moses basket (for instance) if she has her heart set on one; or a grandparent is getting one.

FolkGhoul · 30/10/2012 08:29

We sold our big expensive items and I used the money to buy new things for our daughter, but gave away our smaller baby stuff and clothes but that's because we'd have given it to a charity shop anyway.

I'm happy to give on the understanding that when they have finished with it they give it to charity and don't sell it on at a car boot sale/ebay. But that's because we support a couple of local charities this way and although I'm happy to kill two birds with one stone (support another family before it goes to charity) I don't want the charity to miss out.

cashmerewebsandspidersheads · 30/10/2012 08:32

I'd list it on netmums as is free and you can arrange for people to collect rather than faff about posting things.
I'd tell her you're doing this and say 'let me know if you want to buy any of it- you can have 1st dibbs'

She might want all new stuff anyway, but I'd be happy enough if a friend said this to me.
I was 1st of my group to have a baby so got no hand me downs at all. We spent a fortune on stuff so there's no way I'd just give it all away. Even just getting 1/4 back would be a holiday fund for us.
If I'd been given lots myself I'd be happier passing on.

fromparistoberlin · 30/10/2012 08:44

if you cant afford to gve it, ebay it, you will get more and avoids awkwardness

AThingInYourLife · 30/10/2012 08:49

Sell your stuff if you want, but you can't simultaneously do her the kindness of passing on your stuff and expect her to pay for it.

List it for sale and maybe mention to her that you have some stuff you are selling.

I have 3 kids and I can't imagine I'd be able to get much for our worn out baby stuff.

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 30/10/2012 09:35

Thanks for the replies. Although I have three kids, a lot of the clothes are barely worn as they are from when they were teeny plus a lot are new things that baby 3 got recently. My friend said that she was looking to buy stuff and said 'maybe we could come to some sort of arrangement' for it all. I wouldn't expect much if anything for clothes but our Moses basket and stand is brand new (new one bought for dc3) and I've only used our steriliser a handful of times cos all my babies refused bottles. I would only pass on the decent stuff and say to her to donate anything she doesn't want to charity. I tried to eBay some clothes but not very successfully!

OP posts:
halcyondays · 30/10/2012 09:43

IMO, it's only really worth selling expensive items such as prams. Things like steriliser and Moses baskets you probably won't get that much for anyway. Personally I would feel a bit uncomfortable asking for money from someone I knew, so I would either offer it to them for nothing, or else sell it elsewhere.

TenMinutesLate · 30/10/2012 10:02

With my DD I passed on so much stuff, to relative strangers who I knew were expecting girls. I gave it away without any thought, just happy that things were still being used...all nice things. Then DS came along, so he was kitted out also. My MIL was a designer label queen and both children had gorgeous wardrobes.

However, at the beginning of the year our circumstances changed
considerably and we barely covered our bills. So I sorted out all the
kids clothes, bumbo's, highchair, everything and took a table at a
baby fair/2nd sale and made over £200. With the stuff that was left I
put a post on Facebook that I had x,y,z for sale...I bagged it up, made
a list with the prices on, dropped it off, let some friends pick what
they want and out of it all it came to another £70.

I put that money by for now and very happily ordered new
shoes/coats/jumpers from Next without breaking into our very rigid
budget.

So what I am saying in a round about way is that if you can do
without even thinking about it, do it. But of you need the money or
your saving for something for the children, just tell people....'the money from this will be going towards her new pushchair'. People really don't
mind. Good luck!!

ZombieOnABicycle · 30/10/2012 10:07

I have a great arrangement with a local mum, she passes on a lot of stuff to me, but anything that is nice she sells, I get pretty dresses for £3 each, and have paid for some other bits and bobs, like a changing table.

It's up to both of you to find a deal that works, but there's no reason why you can't sell stuff

KellyElly · 30/10/2012 11:38

It depends. If you need the money then of course you are not being unreasonable. If you are pretty comfortable and 30 quid or whatever won't make a difference to you then just give them to her.

HaveToWearHeels · 30/10/2012 11:54

from the other side of the coin, I bought a lot of my baby stuff from a colleague at work. She has two girls and I was expecting a girl. She wasn't a "friend" at the time but just popped her head round one day and said, I have X Y Z (big items) and loads of clothes if you are interested. I purchased some big items and she gave me 6 huge storage boxes of clothes to sort through. I had roughly half the clothes, some were almost new and some still had tags, she said she wasn't bothered about the clothes but I gave her £50 to spend on her girls and I don't think I bought clothes for DD for about 18 months.
We are now very good friends and she often brings in a little outfit her girls have outgrown or a toy and then every now and then I pop a tenner in her drawer.
Some people insist on everything new, but I was grateful that I was offered stuff, saved me a fortune.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 30/10/2012 12:35

Some people insist on everything new, but I was grateful that I was offered stuff, saved me a fortune.

Me too. I don't see the point in buying everything new when a lot of stuff they only use for a few months (moses basket, bumbo seats, Zogg swim rings etc). Better to put the money you saved into an account for their Uni fees or whatever.

midseasonsale · 30/10/2012 12:42

In your shoes I would label and price tag it all up for an NCT sale (see NCT sale page on website for your local one) and then the night before let her browse the items to get first pickings before you take the load to the sale

loveroflife · 30/10/2012 12:50

I would do nothing. Sit tight and see if she brings it up again, she will if she wants the stuff and see if she mentions price, if not just sell it on ebay.

That way you haven't pushed it onto her and can avoid the possible uncomfortable conversation.....

If she does bring it up again after she has the baby, just say I listed it on ebay as we didn't bring it up again and I didn't want you to feel obliged to take it all....that way you will have a nice friendship and not resent giving it away for free.

Mrsjay · 30/10/2012 12:53

you could ask if she would like to buy bigger things but I would offer what you want to give away and ebay the rest I would feel a bit weird asking for money from a friends

expatinscotland · 30/10/2012 12:58

I'd give it away just glad to be rid of it.

But if you're wanting to sell it don't bring up the stuff at all.

trixie123 · 30/10/2012 13:15

I have given away a lot of clothes but a colleague had a cot, swing seat, sterilizer and baby playmat from us plus some other small items and gave us about £80 quid I think. I think things that really don't get much wear and tear, like cots and really baby stuff that only gets used fora few months is fair game to be sold rather than given away. My icandy pram on the other hand, with its nibbled foam on the bar, worn wheels and general scruffiness, may end up in a charity shop at best Smile even though it cost about £500 new.

socharlotte · 30/10/2012 19:08

If you think you can make some money out of it, then go for it! To warn you though, round this area you can scarcely give away second hand baby stuff. I think 50% of purchase price is very very optomistic

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