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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to get rid of my brother!

19 replies

Steth · 28/10/2012 22:23

More of a WWYD really.

My brother has been working abroad (where we live) for the past year, of that year he has lived with us since July (reason for this - it just came about as i'm his sister and felt obliged to take him in as his flat share came to an end). He has been staying in our living room all that time.

Anyway i'm beginning to get pissed off that it is now almost Nov and he is still living with us, paying no rent (not that i'd want him to ask I don't want him having any 'rights' to our place).

We recently moved house to a slightly bigger place (now a 3 bed) as we are expecting a baby soon. He has taken the babys room for the moment and has said that his intention is to go back home at the end of Nov. He announced to me this evening that he must book flights in Dec for his wife to visit (who also stays with us when she visits) WTF!

I feel like my DH and I have had no space for the past 4 months and now we'll have yet another visit from his wife so that will delay my nesting of room 3 even longer. Why is he booking flights for Dec when he is supposed to be gone by Nov?

We went on holidays recently and said they (brother, his wife and their DD) stay while we were gone, they were supposed to all be gone when we came back. When we landed I was looking forward to an empty house and a relaxing evening with my DH, instead I get a text message saying 'we decided to stay a few days longer, hope you don't mind' Yes I f'ing mind!!!!!

I really feel as though he is taking the piss now, yet I think he is completely oblivious to his 'outstay' at our home.

Our home feels like a fucking hotel, i'm fed up having to ask to take my laptop back, to announce that i will be watching X on the tv or trying to keep the noise down at the weekend incase we wake him.

Don't get me wrong, we get on really well but I'm just totally fed up and feel like my life is in limbo until my family and I have our space back.

Any advise greatly appreciated

OP posts:
OldMumsy · 28/10/2012 22:28

Tell him to piss the feck off and when he has finished tell him to piss the feck off again. It will make you feel so much better and may even resolve the situation.

squeakytoy · 28/10/2012 22:29

Have you actually tried spelling it out to him...??

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 28/10/2012 22:30

Tell him. If he is oblivious, how can you expect him to do anything about it? he can't read your mind. You need to talk to him, preferably calmly (pregnancy hormones notwithstanding) and sort out just how long he is expecting to stay, and how long you are prepared to put him up, rent free.

Original poster
Steth · 28/10/2012 22:31

Havent actually spelt it out to him but FFS it's not normal to live with a married couple and sit in every evening with them is it?

OP posts:
CaliforniaLeaving · 28/10/2012 22:32

Yes they are taking the piss. Why don't you say something when he makes comments like in "December I'm buying my wife a plane ticket"?
If you never say anything then he thinks you don't mind.
He said he'd move in November, so tell him he said that and you expect him to be gone. Make sure he knows not to bother getting her a ticket till he finds a flat cause you don't have room and want your house to yourselves before the baby comes.
You and your Dh need to grow a pair and take control of the situation.

DoMeDon · 28/10/2012 22:37

So you have told him he's welcome to stay and he's staying? Bastard

Original poster
Steth · 28/10/2012 22:40

I know I know, I need to grow a pair, I just feel like he should be clued up enough not to live in someones living room for 4 months and think its acceptable. Getting angrier just thinking about it.

OP posts:
HeinousHecate · 29/10/2012 08:26

You are expecting him to be a mind reader.

That is unrealistic Grin

Tell him. In words. clearly.

With his bags packed if necessary Grin

The text message was the perfect opportunity to be clear "Actually, that isn't going to work for us. We need you to stick to the original agreement and have left by the time we get home"

instead, I bet you put ok, or that's fine or something, didn't you? Grin

If you didn't, then I withdraw that, but otherwise - if you tell someone something's ok you cannot then be cross with them for thinking it's ok. You can be cross with yourself for telling someone something's ok when you don't mean it Grin

ENormaSnob · 29/10/2012 08:35

He is taking the piss.

You are letting him.

bamboostalks · 29/10/2012 08:39

I don't get it. Where are his wife and dd? Why not with him?

Shakirasma · 29/10/2012 08:40

When he said he needed to book rockets for his wife in December, why didn't you say "what are you talking about?? You said you were leaving at the end of November and you know I need the room back to get it ready for the baby!"

That would have been out of my gob without even thinking, so what did you actually say to him?

You are making far too many assumptions about what he should think and feel. Where as he is thinking and assuming that you are perfectly happy because you haven't told him you aren't. He isn't psychic.

Shakirasma · 29/10/2012 08:41

Oops, book tickets, not rockets. although rockets would be more fun!

SugariceAndScary · 29/10/2012 08:46

You really need a sit down and spell it out chat with him about him leaving in November.

Tell him that you want to be able to prepare for the baby and although you've been happy to accommodate him you feel that it's now time for him to move on.

You've been generous enough and if he gets the raging hump that's his look out.

mutny · 29/10/2012 08:51

Hr is taking the piss, but then you are letting him. If you haven't said anything what do your expect.

pinkdelight · 29/10/2012 09:11

I second everyone else's comments that you have to spell it out and tell him to go. But I also am missing something - if it's a 3-bed house, how come he's in the baby's room? Isn't there a spare room? Rather than thinking how weird it is to be intruding on a married couple, he's probably just thinking you have bags of room and it's a no-brainer for him to stay there rent-free. The only way to change this is to explain you need the house to yourselves now. Assert yourself!

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 29/10/2012 09:15

Agree with everyone above. YANBU to want him gone but you welcomed him into your home, you get on with him, you haven't said or done anything to make him think he's outstayed his welcome.

Helltotheno · 29/10/2012 09:15

Havent actually spelt it out to him but FFS it's not normal to live with a married couple and sit in every evening with them is it?

Yes but is pretty normal to take a mile when given an inch and that's how people tend to behave in these situations.

So you'd better grow a pair and tell him how you want it to be if you want things to change.

TheMouseDancing · 29/10/2012 12:45

Your db is taking advantage of your good nature, I would just politely ask him what date he intends to be out by in November as you need to make plans to decorate the nursery, have nursery furniture delivered etc.

You could also just say it will be nice to meet up with him and his wife in December and ask what hotel he is booking for them.

NatashaBee · 29/10/2012 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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