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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

9 hours later and DH has still not helped DS with maths homework

34 replies

carocaro · 28/10/2012 19:01

I am having to stop myself from punching him in the face and screaming in rage. I said at 10am this morning that he needed help and it had to be done today. Why should I have nag until it's done? It's exhausting. Why can't he get a grip and just organise himself to help him? Now it's late and DS is tired. Why is it so hard and difficult for him to get a grip?!? DS is now on his X-Box. I fucking give up.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 28/10/2012 19:03

How old is your DS?

Original poster
carocaro · 28/10/2012 19:07

10

OP posts:
TheBigJessie · 28/10/2012 19:08

Tell him he gets his act together, or you start hiring a maths tutor. Those are £15-25 per hour.

Was it out of the question for you to help?

squeakytoy · 28/10/2012 19:08

Can you not help him yourself?

Original poster
carocaro · 28/10/2012 19:12

I have done his literacy homework with him and his science. Parts of the maths are too hard for me and they learn it in such a different way I am confused? Hence needing the help from Dad because numbers are his thing!

And as if I would post on here if I had not at least tried to help with the maths!?! Hello the issue here is him and 9 hours later not me!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
kilmuir · 28/10/2012 19:15

YANBU. why should it always fall to you for goodness sake.

ImperialBlether · 28/10/2012 19:16

Well, you have to take charge. Switch everything off until it's done. Go and have a bath and say by the time you come downstairs it has to be done or your husband has to explain to the school why it's not done.

If you can't help with it then it might be too difficult for him to do alone. Homework isn't meant to be done with a parent; they're supposed to be able to do it alone.

Don't stress out about it. It's not your fault. Your son might get into trouble and that's the price he pays for not doing it earlier. He can explain to his teacher if it doesn't get done.

Isabeller · 28/10/2012 19:17

If you can put the question on I could try to help? (please don't kill me for offering, I like maths Smile)

Sirzy · 28/10/2012 19:18

If all his homework is at a level whereby he needs someone helping him then you need to talk to the school about getting appropriate work set. It shouldn't require you to sit with him and help him just to make sure he is doing it.

Itsaboatjack · 28/10/2012 19:19

YANBU. He shouldn't even need telling once never mind over and over. It annoys the hell out of that on evenings when I work I have to remind dh to do reading with dd else it won't get done.

Portofino · 28/10/2012 19:20

Well at 10am I would have said "right then that homework needs doing" and made my expectation really clear.

Chubfuddler · 28/10/2012 19:20

What sirzy said. Neither you nor your husband should be having to do his homework with him in this way. If you are either its too hard or he lacks self motivation. Better for him to experience the consequences of the latter at 10 than 16.

Ephiny · 28/10/2012 19:24

I agree your DS should be doing his own homework (perhaps with encouragement and reminders from you, but not 'help' as such.)

You also sound disproportionately angry, with the violent impulses etc. And you talk about your husband like he's a naughty child rather than an adult. There are all kinds of things wrong here tbh.

In short: YABU.

TidyDancer · 28/10/2012 19:29

There must be more to this. You are far too angry for this to be solely about maths homework.

I would think at 10 he would be old enough to sit and try it on his own. If he needs help, surely he could ask his dad himself?

Original poster
carocaro · 28/10/2012 19:31

He can do most of it himself, just help and guidance, would you just leave your children alone to do it without any help at all? DS does not lack the motivation AT ALL, he just need some help, why is that such a bad thing? We are not doing it for him we are helpling eg: I held the end of a tape measure whilst he was working out surface area of a triangle, is that allowed?

Huge difference between sitting with him while he is doing it and giving him some help. Which is what I am saying!!!

Epiny - how should I talk to him? What else is wrong?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 28/10/2012 19:33

Yes, sit them at the table while you potter around near them and help if they ask. He is 10 and shouldn't need you doing it with him every week.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 28/10/2012 19:35

Sorry, holding a tape measure is too hard for you?

If he needs that level of help, he is better of not doing the hard parts, and you writing a note "please explain this" to the teacher.

Portofino · 28/10/2012 19:37

My 8yo does her own homework. Tis her being educated, not me.

Chubfuddler · 28/10/2012 19:37

Your earlier posts very much suggested you had done his other homework with him and expected DH to do the maths with him too, hence why it had to be your DH because you couldn't do it. I can't see why your DS couldn't have done it himself and called dad for clarification etc if needed.

midseasonsale · 28/10/2012 19:38

Get him to do the bits he can - then write underneath that DS struggled with the remaining stuff.

It's sad DH can't spare the time to spend with his son

2kidsintow · 28/10/2012 19:39

Option B: Don't help. Don't nag or even remind again as you already have.

Let him go in tomorrow and handle the consequences of not having done his homework himself.

At age 10 he should be becoming more organised FOR HIMSELF. I was forever reminding my y5s, when I taught that age, that it wasn't their Mum's fault for for not putting stuff in their book bag etc, but their responsibility instead.

kim147 · 28/10/2012 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 28/10/2012 19:41

I don't ask my DC's to do their homework. I TELL them that it is time to do their homework.

They must at least attempt every question before asking for my help. I will then do my best to help them.

If there is a Maths question I find impossible to explain, I have asked on here before. The wonderful people have explained to me how to do it, and then told me how to explain it to the DC in question.

YANBU to be pissed off with your DH for not helping, but violence is a bit extreme, isn't it?

And I DO think you should be talking to your DS's teacher if the work is always too hard for him to do the majority of it independently.

My DC's may complain when I say they have to do their homework now, but they know it is non negotiable. Complaints get acknowledged and then ignored.

Ithinkitsjustme · 28/10/2012 19:43

I'd write a short note to his teacher saying that he was unable to do the homework by himself. I'm sure she will understand that and will explain it again to him, if she doesn't then she isn't worth the name "teacher". As for your DH, it would be nice of he would help but if you have already helped with literacy and science it sounds like you might be allowing your DS to rely on you too much. He does need to be able to do his homework by himself.

porridgewithalmondmilk · 28/10/2012 19:50

Please don't be upset about this, I am a teacher and I'd be really upset if I thought homework was causing a big family row. Just send DS in with a note.

It sounds though like you're upset/angry because your husband isn't pulling his weight. I'm not the best person to help with that but is it something you've tried bringing up with him when you're not angry/stressed out yourself?

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