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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to expect some response to my profile on an Internet dating site?

43 replies

Poppysquad · 28/10/2012 09:41

I'm 51 and a professional, busy single mum. Divorced a matter of months but been separated for two years. I thought I'd try Internet dating and saw a few profiles of attractive men who I've mailed. But NOTHING. No response, not a bean. And nothing spontaneous from them.

I am not a skinny, gym bunny who 'looks after herself'. I'm just a normal woman. Probably just like the woman these people were previously married to. Is it just me or do they all seem to now want someone 10 years younger and 5 stone slimmer? Where re the normal guys?

OP posts:

GhostShip · 28/10/2012 13:00

There are some weirdos on there, me ex for example.

He's 5'3, and works in an office.

I found his profile: 'I'm 6 foot, in my spare time I like to cage fight and I'm an IT manager' TROLOLOLOL. Whoever meets him is in for a big shock.

There are some nice people though, my mums met a few

Athendof · 28/10/2012 13:36

I have met lovely men in POF, I have never go on a date with a weirdo and have not received any willy photos or nasty messages which I assume is due to not having sexy photos on or engage in sexual inuendo.

I have never met a weirdo in PoF but that is I suppose, because I take time to get to know people before I accept meeting with them. All people that I have met are professionals, with strong family values, who are looking for a permanent relationship. I think my problem is that I have a long checklist... I'm graciously heading to perpetual singledom, but I am making some lovely friends in the process.

Fairylea · 28/10/2012 14:09

I never had any rude or obscene messages on pof. The weirdest one I got was some guy who was president of his local vegemite society (wtaf!).... okaaaaay. It was all he bloody went on about.

Block and delete. Block and delete.

hatesponge · 28/10/2012 14:31

There are loads of weirdos and pervs on POF.

You don't get so many on paying sites because they're too tight to part with the cash.

And for the record, you don't have to have 'sexy' photos or engage in innuendo to get cock pics. But even if you DO, that doesn't give a man the right to assume you're 'up for it' and send pictures of his genitalia without even asking if you'd WANT to see it (which 99.99 times out of a hundred I'm sure the answer would be no!) I've had them sent to me as a first message before now. That says nothing about me and everything about them.

Athendof · 28/10/2012 14:56

There are weirdos and peves everywhere, and there are alsosome wimen who are very weird and pervs themselves. No place is an exception, online or in real life.

Agree though that more expensive websites attract a different clientele, the people I have dated from Match Affinity where either CEOs or solicitors, unfortunately, these more expensive sites have less people in their books, so it is unlikely there would be enough suitable candidates if you live in an area not densely populated.

MaureenCognito · 28/10/2012 14:56

why do mothers always say they are busy

Athendof · 28/10/2012 14:57

Gosh, what i would do for the iphone to have a bigger screen! Sorry for the typos!

Fairylea · 28/10/2012 15:17

Oh I dunno you get lots of more wealthy sex weirdos on paying sites... my friend met 3 from match, all seemed really nice and genuine, good jobs, own homes etc (if that matters - it didn't to me, dh was living with his mum after a failed relationship up north) .. anyway these guys seemed alright, even first short date was ok, short kiss etc and then they ALL started bombarding her with really really obscene messages and one sent her photos of his penis! Yuck! She had to get a new phone as they wouldn't leave her alone.

She didn't give up however and met someone from a speed dating event.

Purple2012 · 28/10/2012 16:35

I went on plenty of fish, and yes there was the odd weirdo but most were nice, even if not my type. (my husband was under my nose at work)

i know quite a few people who have met on PoF. My best male friend has just got engaged to a girl he met on there, my best female friend has moved in with a chap she met on there, an another male friend is in a relationship - for about 18 months with a lady he met and is planning on moving in with here.

So its not all weirdos and perverts. Keep at it and if it is meant to be then you will meet someone.

Purple2012 · 28/10/2012 16:37

meant to say -one guy that messaged me was a real weirdo, he had our life all mapped out, how long we would be together before we got engaged, when we would marry and have kids. i ended up having to block him - i had never met him!

Athendof · 28/10/2012 16:47

I have a friend who is lovely and a very nice person but, yes, that's the sort of mindframe she gets in just after the second date, mapping the rest of their life together and then gets very disppointed when the guy stops answering the phone.

BrianCoxIsEatingBrains · 28/10/2012 20:39

ok, in MY experience....pof is full of weirdos and perverts.

My boss at work met her DP on the site, he is normal, non perverted or weirdo.

However, that was not my experience at all. It did make me immensely disillusioned with the whole internet dating scene (but that was after a good 6 months on several sites - pof and match were the worst IMO)

But I am a lost cause and have decided that i will never, ever, have sex again, or fall in love because I have had such a shit couple of years with love/wankers/the wrong person.

PumpkInDublic · 28/10/2012 21:16

Erm, met DP there. He's not mental. (He made a face when I wrote that)

He was the only guy I messaged first. Everyone else I had spoken to had messaged me. We had a really relaxed first date (think dressed in jeans sitting about outside).

Keep messaging the people who you think you will get on with, keep an open mind, be safe and try to enjoy it.

AKissIsNotAContract · 28/10/2012 21:19

I met my Fiance on POF too.

Athendof · 28/10/2012 21:33

My previous partner was also downloaded from POF, we were together for three years, he is a very good man but unfortunately neither of us were in a position to relocate so at the end the distance was too much. But I have no regrets, we had a very good time :-)

hatesponge · 28/10/2012 21:35

There are hundreds of thousands of people on POF.

The chances of meeting a normal one in your age group and area, who you are attracted to, and vice versa, is TINY. It truly is. It's like winning the lottery - you could play every week and never win. Just like you could be on POF for years and never meet a decent man (or woman).

I have been on dates with many men from POF. They were all complete mindfucks in one way or another. And thats just the ones I went on a date with. The ones I ruled out based on their messages were a whole lot worse.

lucylawless11 · 28/10/2012 23:16

There are normal men on there, i met my fiancee on pof . There is someone for everyone. Im 44 overweight a couch potato who sits eatin choccy all day and dont give a damn what anyone thought of me, and thats exactly how my profile read, i was inundated, also said i hated the gym, men obviously liked the truthful approach lol.

sosop02 · 11/09/2013 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

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