To wish that someone would ask if I'm ok?

[WelshMaenad]

I am sitting at home, alone, crying like a twerp.

I have recently been prescribed anti depressants, I've been depressed for a long tone and hidden it. When I started feeling suicidal i plucked up the courage to talk to my Gp, and she was terrific.

I told my mum and my husband that I had been given the Prozac. They both kind of went "oh". Mum talked to me about it a bit. DH has made precisely no reference to it. Hasn't asked why I felt I needed them or how us been feeling of how I was feeling now, nothing. I hurt my back last week and he's just seemed annoyed that I can't do everything around the house that he expects.

I have had a really stressful day, running myself ragged getting cakes for the family birthday party we were meant to be at tonight, getting DD's wrap and tights for wedding tomorrow where she is bridesmaid. I got home stressed and tense, house was a tip, DH got in a strop about tidying the boot of my car, which had the spare tyre loose after last weeks flat, so I went and did it myself, and hurt my back again. Burst into tears and just got attitude from DH, do I said I wasn't going to come up the party (had no time to get ready by now) and that I was upset because I felt I spent my life running round after everyone else and nobody was bothered about me, cited his complete jack if interest in supporting me after a disgnosis of depression.

He just packed the kids in the car and went, didn't seem bothered that I was crying my eyes out. Mu mum sent be a text so I text her back telling her what had happened, she just replied "oh well, sometimes done space is a good thing".

I don't know how to ask for help, I'm useless at it. Good at supporting everyone else in a crisis. I just want someone up ask me if I'm ok, like they care. Is that unreasonable? I feel like I've lost all perspective. I'm having a tough time settling on this medication. I'm not ok. I feel sad and out of control and a bit hopeless. I want the people in my life to see this. Maybe I'm asking too much?

I liked The Happiness Project, and found some really good tips- especially around considering my reasons for doing the dishes/washing etc and not feeling appreciated.

In terms of helping other people 'get' it, I found this book really useful in trying to explain depression: books.google.co.nz/books/about/Living_with_a_Black_Dog.html?id=VqyMyrC5m8IC&redir_esc=y

It is hard to get the message across, but don't give up.

I wonder is another thing to consider is what you are trying to achieve by helping everyone else all the time- what are you getting out of it, and is it worth the effort you are putting in (I know that might sound harsh- it's not meant to!)?

Also, waiting for other people to ask is an infinitely frustrating thing- I find if I explain the situation to DP, and then tell him what he can DO about it, we get a bit further.

He says he needs to know what to do, not just that I am not coping well- that just scares him and leaves him feeling a bit useless.

last post, I promise!
" You are not Atlas, carrying the world on your shoulders. It is good to remember that the planet is carrying you". Vandana Shiva

I hope today will be brighter for you. Please know you are not alone. Many of us struggle with depression. Depression made worse when we are feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated. You must take care of yourself, before you can take care of everyone else, at least that is what my therapist told me. As mums we often put the needs of everyone above our own. I hope you will feel better soon. Try to take a bit of time for yourself each day.
My mum never wants to speak of feeling things with me. I think she does not know what to say, or how to "fix" it. I wonder sometimes if she is thinks I'm not trying hard enough..

Oh sweetheart:( I'm a long term, 16 years, depression sufferer. I'm very thankful to have hopefully recovered from It for 2 years now, but many of those years were hell. Your message brought back so many memories.

Your husband sounds very unsupportive anyway, the way you say "the things around the house he expects of me" and the stroppiness regarding your car etc, but giving him the benefit of the doubt, he could be very frightened of your diagnosis/treatment.

My DH was, although I'd been like it 4 years before we met, however he withdrew, wasn't unkind, but didn't want to or know how to talk about it.

I found enormous help in counselling and I implore you to ask your GP to refer you for some. I've had loads over the years, its often been painful but its always helped. Even years on I use some of the strategies they gave me to cope, to understand why things make me feel how I do, why I allow myself to feel how I do, how to understand others reactions.

It also helped me to get DH to talk, its been a long slog, but he's grateful that I did as he's often able to verbalise his problems now, instead of making us all suffer from his moods!!

I hope you feel a little brighter today and your wedding goes well. I'm at a wedding too, if it were the same one, I'd give you a big unMN hug and compare notes over a vat of gin!

Try and make time for you each day, and lower your expectations of how you expect others to react, Its less disappointing

You poor thing. I wonder if your DH has some stress / anxiety going on as well. He sounds like me when I'm stressed out and not as sympathetic as I should be if DH is genuinely ill. You'll need a frank discussion with him though to discuss your depression and find out what his reaction is all about.

It's rubbish but it sounds like they don't know what to do or say. You may have to address this by saying 'it really helps when you do/say x'. If you don't tell them they wont know. x