to want to treat myself

[ChablisLover]

So, its been a long hard month.

Busy in work and stress at home

So I wanted to treat myself - so I bought some new shoes, 2 pairs of used trousers from Ebay (£1.98) and a jumper from Boden which was a catch of the day and when I ordered it i may have been slightly under the influence and dying of the cold. oh and some handwriting books to help DS progress in school after his parent teacher meeting the other day.

In all likelihood the shoes and jumpers will go back. I had bought another pair last week as I am having real difficulties with work shoes and I suffer from bad feet and hips so finding something comfy is a pain - these were not dear.

DH has hit the roof - accused me of being selfish and how he has to pay for everything.

I have money saved to help towards an upcoming trip and a car service due so I dont really see the issue.

I have no credit card and try no to go into overdraft. I pay childcare bills and DH pays mortgage - he works fulltime on a higher wage and we had agreed that. I contribute to all bills coming in as much as I can.

I save 15% of my net salary a month.

I sell DS old boden clothes and my old things on ebay to raise money

I also have some money coming to me in the next few months so AIBU in treating myself a wee bit? (mainly cos I am beginning to feel like an unpaid skivvy at home and sometimes in work too and I needed to cheer myself up - major underlying issues)

I know this is a first world issue and that there are others with more pressing and significant issues in their lifes at the mo but i would be grateful for some time.

Thanks

I think your dh is out of order its not like you whacked 500 on the credit card. Everyone deserves a treat now and again,maybe he is worried about money issues but then he needs to be clear. Everyone needs clothes regardless

YANBU sounds like very modest treats you enjoy them and tell DH that you are not selfish every one needs the odd treat even if its only a bar of chocolate, i allocate a certain amount of money each month out of my wages for non essentials and treat myself mind you im single so dont need to justify them lol

It looks like we need to have the financial talk again.

You and your DH are a team. You are a family. One may earn more than the other but neither is more deserving of treats than the other.

You should both have the same amount of money to spend on yourselves as you see fit. After all house-related and child-related bills are taken care of (including things like "presents to take to a child's birthday party") you should have the same amount of spending money to spend on whatever you like.

If after all of the joint bills and costs and expenditure is taken care of you (jointly) have £20 a month left over, then you can each spend £10 on something that you want. If the left over money is £2000 then you can each spend £1000 on something that you want (although I'd advise saving some of it).

If you each have your own "spending money" then neither of you can complain about what the other spends theirs on.

YANBU, but I do think you need to address the bigger issues as lining Jonnie Boden's pockets won't really make you happier.

Everyone needs their own money every month. When I was really skint and feeling crap I used to go to the library, browse and take out, then go to some ludicrously overpriced coffee shop and have coffee and cake - in fact even with more money now that's still my favourite way to spend a fiver.

You need to have control over a small amount of your money (as does dh) - you can't constantly be criticising each others choices.

A treat every now and again keeps me from going insane but DH wanted a treat this month so I had to let him. Works both ways.

YANBU, of course you should be able to treat yourself!

My husband had a moan because I wanted to treat myself to a kindle fire but I can see his point as I don't really need one, there is no way he would make me feel bad about buying myself some shoes or clothes though.

I may still get the kindle fire anyway

Your DH was way out of line, having a go about less that £2 of trousers and shoes you need because of foot pain smacks of control freakery!

You guys need to really talk about money. It may well take awhile and several conversations but it's not okay the way it is. Is there a reason you don't have pooled finances? I ask as having it all in together feels a lot less like spending each others money. DH and I have joint everything but take out a set amount each week as our money, it pays for all the everyday things beyond bills, child care and food. It means that we each have an amount we can save or splurge, I've committed most of mine to fitness lessons and expensive haircuts, he's saving most of his for the sales but there's no guilt about what you do with it and it's the same amount each (important!) would something like that help you?

Thanks ladies

I know the answer isn't giving money to Johnnie boden and that we need a talk.

We've never had joint accounts only for household bills food shopping etc. the rest we keep separate

Dh always has earnt more than me but I've had issues in the past with debt, credit cards and spending

I cancelled them all paid them all off and work on cash/debit card/ PayPal. This was over three years ago. No credit cards since then

I save at the start of each month so I can budget better throughout the month

I think I have turned a corner but he still treats me like a baby were money is concerned.

But I still need a treat to get through life it would be very boring without one.

Wow. That would seriously piss me off!

His reaction, not your little treats.