To feel used (free childcare)

[maybeyoushoulddrive]

Have just ended up agreeing to have yet another child at half term while her parents go to work. Her Mum rang to arrange 'a play' for the girls, what were my plans for the holiday etc etc. I suggested Wednesday. She said great could she come to yours as she has to work all week? So not a play at all but childcare! Grrr! I'll have her 8:30 - 5:30. I'm already having another girl on Monday...

AIBU to feel like I am being used? I don't work due to ill health. The only positive from this is that I don't have to worry about arranging childcare for my dd for holidays/INSET days etc. There are many negatives, not least struggling to pay bills etc. I feel quite resentful that they see it that as I'll be here I can be used as free childcare... My fear is that I can't guarantee how I'll feel on Wednesday. Dd is used to Mummy's bad days and is happy to curl up with me and read/watch tv. This other girl is high maintainance - she will demand interaction etc.

Must grow a backbone and be ready with reasons to say no, but she side swiped me! BTW I am always happy to help in an emergency and have on many occasions - I'm not completely scrooge like.

Sorry have ranted and waffled! But honestly two whole days of looking after other people's children, I know dd will be pleased to see them, but even she is flagging after a few hours with them.

Practice the phrase "great, let's meet up in the park at 9.30" and use with impunity. Take your child on to lunch somewhere else so they can't just abandon their children on you.

Could your daughter "come down" with a vomiting bug on Sunday night and land both sets of mothers in it? I can't believe anyone would be cheeky enough to do this.

If she's said, "This is a big favour, but would you mind having dd for the day?" then that's one thing, but she sounds like she's taking the proverbial.

I think you should phone her back and ask that in return could she have DD for a play all day saturday or sunday.

It's very cheeky- I work and sometimes a friend picks DD up after school for me, but we always do a reciprocal arrangement, sometimes after school, sometimes at weekend. But you need to arrange it NOW, while she still needs the favour, or it will never happen.

YANBU! I sometimes look after friend's children for a day or 2 during the holidays but they ask out right, along the lines of would you mind or is it possible ect. If this mum is working all day, all week then her sole purpose was to find a sitter for the day, she should have been open and honest from the start!

Are there no child care play schemes around?

I bet she just wants to save herself £30.

I work full time,the school provide us of term dates, so I know in July when the school closure dates will be happening for the new academic year.

I arrange childcare in accordance.

Don't feel sorry for her.

I occasionally have emergencies (very rarely as I am super orgnaised, because I have to be), and I ask friends to help out, I also pay them for their help.

Text her say, 'I'm really feeling unwell, I'm not sure I will be able to have your daughter for the entire day on Wednesday, I will contact you on Tuesday evening to let you know if I can have her for a couple of hours, I won't be up to doing any more.'

She should be feeling embarrassed not you.

Very awkward for you...it's always easier to think what you should have said after the phone call is finished. Personally I wouldn't want to phone her back and cancel, but I'm a wimp. She probably can't pick her up part way through the day if she is working, it's all day or nothing.
I would just tell her next time she asks that a half day is long enough, then she will probably make other arrangements.

Thank you for all your answers - have calmed down a bit now

I think like LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops I'll probably wimp out and do it, but am cross and will probably let her know that she's pushing it!

If you go ahead and have her this time I would tell the mum when she is picking her up that you do have healthcare problems and whilst you are keen to have her DD over for short play dates you won't be able to do it for the full day in future.

Gosh shocked at how cheeky she is. Many people offer to take DD in holidays as I work full time I only accept if I can reciprocate or if my back is against the wall and I have no other option then I admit this is the case and bring a small gift to show how grateful I am.

I think you should let her know that something else has come up and that you can't provide free babysitting for her. I think what she did was really rude. It would have been better if she had been more upfront when she spoke to you.

Do it this time with good heart, but set yourself the target of being stronger next time round. It's a bloody cheek to dump your children on someone for a "play" at 8.30 am.

I do have friends who offer to have my DS in the holidays all day, as they know I work. I am very grateful to them and they know I am, but DS is now 11 and he and his friend "hang out" without any input from the parents. I would never ask them to do this for me though and I certainly would never have based my holiday childcare arrangements around non-working friends.

I wonder how many other 'play dates' the child has this half term...

Take the wimps way out, say you have a doctor's appointment in the morning which you forgot about, sorry but PM only. I bet she'll find someone else to cover the whole day. If not, you've at least set your boundaries and do'nt have to deal with another child at 8:30am. Go on, you'll feel much better for it!

Cancel today so she has time to rearrange - something along the lines of 'Sorry but we need to rearrange the PLAYDATE ( making it clear that this was all it was and NOT free childcare) as we are planning on going away for half term'