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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the Family Liason Officer

28 replies

mcrvamp · 26/10/2012 11:30

should of assumed that I was a single parent when I'm not.

She phoned me yesterday about my DS behaviour at school. He is in reception and is slapping quite a bit. She wanted to make an appointment to see me, and I said I wanted a day that my partner could come as well, so she said "oh your not a single parent then?"

Just because 1. your kid is bad at school and 2. your name is still Miss you are not a single parent!

DP and I have lived together for 12 years ffs! Not looking forward to that meeting to say the least.

OP posts:
DowntonNappy · 26/10/2012 11:35

Why are you so offended? Is being thought of as a lone parent really that repulsive?

I got asked if my partner would come to a school meeting last week. I politely told them I don't have a partner. I didn't get all upset because they thought I was in a relationship.

And a bad child does NOT = a product of single parenthood. How stereotypical.

FireOverBabylon · 26/10/2012 11:37

But she will learn not to make assumptions next time, won't she?

We make mistakes to learn from them, just wipe the slate clean and start afresh at your proper meeting.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 11:37

Meh!

Probably just crossed wires or she read your info wrong.

missymoomoomee · 26/10/2012 11:38

Whats to get upset about, she made an assumption based on your name, she was wrong.

You assuming that she thought your childs behaviour was down to being a lone parent says more about your attitude than anything else.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 11:39

She might not have made any assumptions - just read the info wrong.

You won't have been the first parent she spoke to that day.

PumpkInDublic · 26/10/2012 11:39

I think it's more that the person made the link between single parents and badly behaved children Downton. Not that the OP did.

YANBU Mcr, I was a single parent and sometimes heard "Oh, but he's so well behaved." Is there any way you can see someone else, I wouldn't like to deal with someone making assumptions and judging like that.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 11:42

I think it's more that the person made the link between single parents and badly behaved children Downton. Not that the OP did.

I think the OP is making the link because she's assuming the bad behaviour is the reason the Liason Officer thought she was a single parent.

There could be many reasons the LO thought that.

Everlong · 26/10/2012 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PumpkInDublic · 26/10/2012 11:57

True Worra, I think maybe my old chip on the shoulder is showing a bit more than I'd like it to....

MissKeithLemon · 26/10/2012 12:02

I'd assume that as you are a Miss is the reason she thought you may be single OP.

I'd also assume that you believe that single parents generally have more badly behaved children or else why would you jump to the conclusion that the the liaison officer thought this rather than the obvious connection between Miss and being unmarried tbh.

Original poster
mcrvamp · 26/10/2012 12:02

I think it's more that the person made the link between single parents and badly behaved children Downton. Not that the OP did.

Thank you pumpkin I never said that I made the link between Being a single parent and my son's behaviour. It was the LO who did!

Downton I didn't think that my op made it sound like I was repulsed at the thought of being a single parent!

And everlong Why do you not think I am not worried about my son's behaviour?

OP posts:
Everlong · 26/10/2012 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 12:09

OK then OP how do you know the LO made the link between single parents and badly behaved children?

Original poster
mcrvamp · 26/10/2012 12:09

I'd also assume that you believe that single parents generally have more badly behaved children or else why would you jump to the conclusion that the the liaison officer thought this rather than the obvious connection between Miss and being unmarried tbh.

The tone of her voice when she said it, made me think that she thought all children from a single parent family are little shits! I know lots of single parents who's kids are better behaved than mine.

I am not bashing single parents

I just thought that a school liason officer shouldn't think of stereotypes!

OP posts:
MissKeithLemon · 26/10/2012 12:17

You're probably right actually OP Blush tone etc is very revealing.

I'd be inclined to pull her up on this and let her know you will be speaking to the head about it.

Those in positions such as this should be challenged on shitty comments/behaviour.

mutny · 26/10/2012 12:27

Yabu. Completely. She probably has either mis read something.
Its the OP who is assuming the assumption was made because her son is acting up. Says more another the op imo.

YerMaw1989 · 26/10/2012 12:27

I get a lot of that as I'm young. Its irritating but ultimately shows their ignorance.

Petsinmyputridpudenda · 26/10/2012 12:31

Meh my sons school thought I was single for years.
I do the school run and go to all the school stuff, don't think hey have ever met dh as he works during the week then I mentioned him to the office lady when ds was in yr4 and she was surprised.

It not a big deal really is it?

somewherewest · 26/10/2012 12:32

To be fair, some people do assume that 'Miss' = 'single' without thinking, especially if they're older. I could imagine doing it myself on an absent-minded day. Not ideal, I know, but human.

Original poster
mcrvamp · 26/10/2012 12:33

Its the OP who is assuming the assumption was made because her son is acting up.

Um NO I AM NOT! sorry to shout do people read all the thread before posting!?

misskeith thank you tone is very revealing. Perhaps I should have put the tone of voice in my op.

Or perhaps I should of recorded the phone call so you could all hear her at it.

OP posts:
OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 26/10/2012 12:37

Tone can be completely misleading - yes it adds a lot to communication (so a proper conversation is always better than an email) - but it's not foolproof.

I work with someone whose natural tone of voice in ALL conversations sounds like she is a completely negative, moany person - but she is not! it takes a while to see that though - and through that experience I've given people the benefit of the doubt since - and have avoided some unnecessary conflicts.

OP if you go into the meeting assuming that you've picked up the tone of the FLO correctly, and you haven't, you may end up concentrating on an (imagined) slight rather than giving your full attention to your son's issues.

However if you're right then her attitude stinks. It might be an idea at the end of the meeting to ask her in a neutral tone if she has a preconception that troubled children are from single parent families, as that is how her phone call came across. Pointing this out may make her hide this assumption in future (and piss off less people!). I'd make sure though that it was kept completely separate from the main purpose of the meeting, so that it doesn't impact on your son's situation.

Everlong · 26/10/2012 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 12:38

The LO will have worked with many many families during her career and not all the badly behaved children will have been from single parent families.

You may/may not be right about the tone you detected, perhaps that's just how she speaks...who knows?

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 26/10/2012 12:43

Everlong said what I was trying to say in 2 words!

Original poster
mcrvamp · 26/10/2012 12:46

Worra this is her new career! she started at the being of this school year!

Perhaps I will give her benefit of the doubt!

OP posts: