To have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life?

[OhThisIsJustGrape]

Long story: was very capable academically at school but I chose to have fun with my friends rather than knuckle down and work hard. Result was, unsurprisingly, I didn't get the greatest set of gcse results although did get 5 A-C grades.

Left school, gave college a go (A levels) but ended up getting kicked out of home due to my appalling behaviour. College fell by the wayside and I left there after a term too. Eventually sorted myself out, moved back home, got a job and realised I needed to sort my life out. Applied to a different college for the following September but fell pregnant in the May. Decided to keep my baby against everyone's wishes (inc the father's) and didn't go to college. Instead I took one a level when DS was 2yrs old.

Met my now DH, we had another child together, I worked various jobs when the children were small but mostly shop work. By the time they were both at school I managed to get a job as a teaching assistant. I loved this job, learnt sign language etc but then we decided to have another baby. Followed by another. I now haven't worked in 5yrs, youngest dc is 2yrs old.

I know I'll have to get a job once he starts school but what? I've always wanted to be a midwife but realistically this won't happen. DH works very long hours in his own business and that will always take priority over any work that I do (for one I could never match his earning potential), childcare will always come down to me in school holidays and if ill and I'll still end up doing all the cooking/cleaning/general house running.

DH made a comment the other evening about how I've wasted my life - he claims he didn't mean it nastily and that I'm still young enough to do something about it (35) but it cut me quite deep. I feel that despite the children having been a joint decision to have, I'm left to sacrifice everything in order to have them. I told him that I'd never have the freedom to work without the worry of what goes on at home, unlike he does.

Oh I don't know, this is a bit long but I don't know what to do with myself really :(

Yes, the student loans system is very good, you may end up not repaying at all if you work p/t hours once you have graduated.

It's a shame your DH isn't more supportive, he really needs to recognise your contribution. Raising 4 dc is a lot of work! And it sounds like your family don't need you to work financially, so you should look at work that satisfies you rather than doing something just to pay the bills.

I am a similar age to you and I've only worked 1 year out of the previous 14, our DH is happy to support us and I prefer being around to deal with the household and the dc although they're at school. I did work for a year and found it less satisfying having to juggle everything and worrying about school events, appointments etc. Volunteering, sports, creative hobbies and p/t study are great ways to develop self-esteem without having extra demands forced upon you.

Have been looking at the links and will have a proper read through over the weekend. Some very interesting volunteer opportunities locally which I'd like to investigate further so thank you everyone. The access courses look worth persuing also although there are only a selected few in my area.

DH does, I think, appreciate what I do at home but I know deep down he would still see it as my responsibility even if I was doing other things. A prime example of this is his refusal to learn to cook. I hate cooking but obviously someone has to and he walks into a meal cooked from scratch every night. But he doesn't see why he should learn to cook so we can share it at weekends 'as he's been working all week and doesn't want to spend all weekend cooking'

I guess I'm scared to commit myself to something and have to give it up because it becomes a juggling act :(

Your DH doesn't have to cook a big meal every weekend, but I think he does need to start providing food for your family - whether that is a take away or beans on toast - why should he get off with not cooking at weekends.

Also, could you look into the cost of a cleaner to help keep on top of things if you're studying?

Great thread! OP, you haven't wasted your life, you've just taken a while to find your feet and focus on what you want to do. Oh, and raise a family along the way.

I think key to your being able to get some study done, or volunteer work, is getting your DH on side. Sounds like he's become used to you always being there supporting him. Time for some reciprocity. Can you take his recent comment about 'wasting your life' as a starting point, say that even if he hadn't meant to upset you, it's got you thinking about how you can improve your life, and you'll need some support and understanding?

Yes he does need to be able to feed his family, it's like total disaster round here if I'm ill or whatever and unable to cook. Everyone panics and goes 'what's for tea '

Would need a cleaner for sure, I spend most of my time cleaning and sorting washing etc, it would never get done if I was studying.

I feel really positive now, I feel I can actually do this :)

Sorry to hi-jack, but i'd love to become a TA (teaching is a bit too scary for me just now ) If I was to volunteer at the dds' school would that be an advantage, or can you only volunteer if you have qualifications? In other words what do i need to do 1st, volunteer or study? Thanks

When I became a TA I kind of fell into it. A job came up at the school MIL worked at as admin and she persuaded me to apply for it. I had no previous experience and no qualifications but the SENCo was willing to give me a chance.

That was 8 years ago, it could've all changed now of course. Well worth offering to volunteer at school, there are no end of mums volunteering at dd's primary.

Why not go back to being a TA? You could always then work up to becoming an HLTA or evening complete a teaching qualification. Work would fit around your kids a whole lot better than if you were a midwife - I cannot imagine working long shifts with children is easy. Plus as a TA you'd be off in the school holidays so no nightmares about holiday childcare.

Have aspirations and research thoroughly. I hope no-one is annoyed at me saying this, but you might find that midwifery isn't an option. I once enquired about it and at Nottingham it was necessary to have 3 A levels minimum B grades in a science. Although Nottingham has quite high requirements you will prob find most, if not all, courses require 3 A levels. Having said all that, I think the course pays you and there are lower fees (like for nursing) so if you can overcome the first hurdle of getting the entry requirments you may be in with a chance. Good luck.