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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teachers chugging

74 replies

socharlotte · 25/10/2012 19:15

So school charity week.3 kids at the school.One of the events was a non-uniform day to spend with a 'suggested donation' of £2 each which would have cost me £6 which I can't afford so I gave them 50p each.One of the kids was ok because theyjust passed a box round to put their donations in.The other 2 , were given a hard time by the teachers. One was told to bring some more in tomorrow, the other one called the boy before him 'tight' because he only had £1.20 , so poor DS felt obliged to put the 50p plus borrow £1 from a friend to put in.
I am hopping mad.Encouraging charitable giving is one thing, but IMO this crosses the line into bullying people into giving more than they can afford.Would I be unreasonable to email the school to tell them this.

OP posts:
Youcanringmybell · 25/10/2012 22:14

OMG YANBU - it is non uniform at my dd school tomorrow. A teacher asking her for extra money that she didn't have would scare the life out of her and humiliate her. What AWFUL behaviour.

Children are not resposible for what their parents send them in with.
Go in and speak to the Headteacher.
I have never spoken to a head teacher - but for this I BLOODY WOULD Angry

EllenParsons · 25/10/2012 22:14

Shock at a teacher calling a child tight. That is completely out of order. I agree charity donations should be voluntary and its not on to expect £6 from someone who can't afford it. If people want to and can give then great but kids whose parents are struggling with money should not be shown up and humiliated.

AdoraBell · 25/10/2012 22:15

YANBU

I'd ask the school to explain in writing what the word -suggested- means and if they intended to use it in their communication. Then ask them if the teachers are aware. I don't have a problem with teachers in general, but they are people and some of those don't always behave as they should in a given situation.

hazeyjane · 25/10/2012 22:16

I have just had a fundraiser at the dds school, it was wear your jeans to school, with a voluntary contribution of £1, and a 50p a cake sale in playtime.

The dds and ds shook a bucket at the entrance to school and and some put £1 in some didn't, but it wasn't a big deal, everyone wore jeans. When I put the posters up I made sure it said voluntary, charity shouldn't be forced out of people, or guilt tripped out of people.

It is awful that teachers made children feel bad for not contributing the 'right' amount, and surely ruins the whole idea of charity.

ivykaty44 · 25/10/2012 22:20

I am so glad that dd's school have a blanket ban on muffty days

Mspontipine · 25/10/2012 22:26

"Teachers should not be handling money at all. It is one of the tasks that we shouldn't do anymore as it doesn't require a qualified teacher's skills."

Crikey. Up yourself much?? [hgrin]

Knowsabitabouteducation · 25/10/2012 22:34

The child does have the choice to reject the non-uniform day and show up in uniform.

Take your complaints to the school or PTA and put yourself forward to come up with charity/fundraising ideas. They will welcome you with open arms.

Goonatic · 25/10/2012 22:39

Crickey. That is so very wrong. And in my school we have emergency things for children whose parents don't read the letters, eg Easter bonnets, Christmas stuff, any kind of children in need/ spots scenario. We accept any donation, and we don't insist on anything. Poor children OP, YANBU.

ontheedgeofwhatever · 25/10/2012 22:40

YANBU. DD is at an independent school where it would reasonably be expected that parents could find a small donation but if the children don't bring it in for any reason not a word is said by the teachers or anyone else. Children just put money in a collecting box and no one sees who gives what.

Presumably in many schools there are lots of parents who can not just dig into their pockets and its compeltely wrong for teachers to critisise children for it.

YANBU

Ps sorry for rubish typing feeding ds and he's wrigly

Sutherlandgirl · 25/10/2012 22:46

YANBU. When I was young back in the days of old, our school actually didn't have non uniform days because it was felt that it would be unfair to put pressure on families to fork out. So we did other money raising things instead like sponsored swims and cake sales.

cory · 26/10/2012 00:06

"The child does have the choice to reject the non-uniform day and show up in uniform."

Am I the only one feeling uncomfortable about the children of poor families being shown up to their mates in such a very visible way, having to walk round the school all day with different clothing that shows them up as the ones with no money? Isn't it enough that they will be the same children who can't afford to go on the school trips but have to stay behind every time?

lilachair · 26/10/2012 00:15

Dominodonkey " I would not be impressed if a child came in with brand new trainers and a Hollister top and told me they could not afford a pound for starving children. "
My kids wear designer clothes often as they are bought for them by family members. Does not mean I can afford a single pound out of the budget. Best not to make assumptions.

CoolaSchmoola · 26/10/2012 00:21

Domino "It does seem that there are too many of these things at some schools but £1 3 times a year at my school is not unreasonable and I think most children should be able to pay this out of their pocket money."

Not all families can afford to give their children pocket money Domino... I'm actually astounded that you said this given that you are a teacher. Surely you are should be aware that a significant number of families live below the poverty line, and that many struggle to feed and clothe their children let alone give them pocket money.

crackcrackcrak · 26/10/2012 00:52

Yanbu!
I don't like enforced charity stuff it's quite opressive. You can't win really - if you send dc in uniform thru will get picked on so its cough up or suffer. Disgusting.

Knowsabitabouteducation · 26/10/2012 06:58

If you can't afford £1, give 10p instead.

LindyHemming · 26/10/2012 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 26/10/2012 07:19

Knowsabit did you read the OP, that's almost exactly what she did!

Himalaya · 26/10/2012 07:25

YANBU - go in and have a strong word with the HT. This is out of order.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 26/10/2012 07:32

Dominodonkey - my 14yo wouldn't be able to pay that out if her pocket money, seeing as she doesn't get pocket money as I cant afford to give all 3 older children pocket money, so none of them get it.

So don't make sweeping generalisations that all teenagers can pay that out of their 'pocket money'. I buy my DC's things when I can afford to. But I can't give them all pocket money each week.

If I gave all 3 that are aged 9+ a set amount each week, how much would I give them, and what would I do if my gas bill came in and it was more than expected?

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 26/10/2012 07:39

And seeing as the school trips cost a bloody fortune (£210 for a long weekend for DS1, £45 a day trip for textiles for DD, £14 for a day trip for DS2 is just this WEEK'S asks), where do the schools think I am going to find the extra £1 here, £3 there, constantly?

flow4 · 26/10/2012 07:46

Teachers should not be handling money at all. It is one of the tasks that we shouldn't do anymore as it doesn't require a qualified teacher's skills.

But there will only be one finance person in the whole school, and I bet handling money isn't in the classroom assistants' job description either. Hmm Just like 'making tea' is not in anyone's job description... And I know what I think of managers who always expect the admin staff to make the cuppas!

OP, YANBU. To make a child feel bad or exclude them from nice stuff because they haven't got 'enough' money, means it's not a 'voluntary donation', it's a demand.

jamdonut · 26/10/2012 07:46

The clue is in the words "suggested" and "donation".Very wrong to insist that that amount of money is put in. Any donations should be gratefully received.

Conversely, we find it irritating if we have a bun sale, or something similar, and we ask for 20p for a bun, if they want one, and some people send their children with a £1 (or more) expecting to buy 5 when there is only enough made for one each!

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 26/10/2012 07:50

I HATE seeing the word 'voluntary' when it is attached to a payment that obviously ISN'T voluntary.

It makes me want to first scream, then buy the school a dictionary, so that they can look up the meaning of the word voluntary.

Because these payments that are extracted are anything but. My even more mouthy than me friend told the school that she would pay the ones she could, she wouldn't the ones she can't, and if they continued to harass her DC's for money she doesn't have, she would contact the police as it is 'extracting money with menaces' or something like that!

catsmother · 26/10/2012 07:50

What is it with (some) schools and their thoughtlessness this week (see also that thread about kids with sick days being banned from treats) ?

No-one should have to justify their donation - or lack of - with any sort of note. Some parents will forget, others can afford it but can't be bothered, but most who send nothing or less than suggested do so because that's what they can afford. It's wrong to ask for any sort of explanation as people's circumstances are all very different and if you get to the stage where a note's expected, what then happens if the reason given isn't "good enough" ?!

Regardless of children not donating but turning up in expensive gear, can you not consider for a moment that a) such things may have been presents or b) yes, may have been bought by parents, but a while ago when money wasn't so tight, or, even if they don't prioritise spending the "right" way, consider that that's beyond the child's control. If their parents won't give them any money, what can a child do ?

Similarly, not all kids get pocket money - either at all, or on a regular basis. Yet again, this really is a parent issue, not the child's and it's utterly wrong to make snide remarks about being tight - particularly with an audience as other kids quickly pick up on things and can be very cruel. Not that parents should be harangued either - for all the reasons explained above. In this day and age any donations should be gratefully received however much they are but schools also need to understand that "only" £1 may as well be £100 if you literally have no money left at that moment - or need what you have for other things.

Also think it's wrong that kids have to pay not to wear uniform. For those who say don't worry, just wear uniform if you can't pay .... well, it's kind of singling out the "poor" kids isn't it and again, creating a potential for being picked on.

Just can't understand why schools don't think these things through.

nickschick · 26/10/2012 07:56

I think its really sad that your dc felt so humiliated and definitely something that needs bringing to the attention of the head teacher.

I think if things didnt change id be inclined to write to the board of governors and explain the situation.

Also a quiet nice word with the teacher might help a lot she may be unaware of just how much impact £6 can have on your weekly budget ......£6 would affect my budget too.

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