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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be terrified that they are going to take my baby away?

20 replies

Screamfromtherooftops · 24/10/2012 13:20

I'm going to the GP today to see if I can get referred to councilling.

I was diagnosed with PND 4 months ago and have since then tried 2 various antidepressants which gave me horrendous side effects so I came off them and stopped taking tablets altogether.

Since then my anxiety levels have hit the roof, I hate going out, I hate seeing my DH's family, I hate seeing y family and I moved into the area and I haven't informe my friends because I am too scared to see them.

I feel like my DH is seeing another woman all the time and I get upset because I think that he lusts after all the women he sees (On telly, When he is out, At work, etc.)

I have only gone to baby group once when my DS was 10 weeks old and I have never gone again (now 14 months) because I felt as though everyone was judgeing me.

I'm scared that if I go to the GP and tell them all of this that they will take him off of me :(

I love my DS, He is my world and he is not a problem at all, I just cannot get it out of my head that people are talking about me/DH is looking for another woman.

Has anyone had any experience of this?

What can I say to the GP to explain what I am going through?

It is affecting my everyday life and I can't deal with it anymore :(

I am a young mum and I really need help.

OP posts:

TanteRose · 24/10/2012 13:27

oh sweetheart

they won't take him off you - despite everything, I am sure you are a wonderful mum

go to your GP and tell them exactly what you wrote in your post.

hopefully someone else will be along with better advice

shewhowines · 24/10/2012 13:27

They won't take your baby away but the GP will help you for depression and anxiety. You do need to ask for help though and be honest about how you feel.

Good on you for going to the Gp. You are doing the right thing.

ReallyTired · 24/10/2012 13:28

Please go and see your GP. They will not think badly of you.

Your baby will not be taken away just because you are suffering from depression/ anxiety. Postnatal depression/ anxiety affects 10 to 15% of mothers and its nothing to be ashamed of. You could either try a different type of medicaiton of look at self help therphies. like

www.livinglifetothefull.com

However it sounds like you need human support rather than just medication. It might be worth phoning up your health visitor to see if she can refer you to someone for extra support.

QueenofNightmares · 24/10/2012 13:30

Okay sweetie you are going to be fine they will not take your baby from you I understand your anxiety about it though. I had my DD at 17 I had awful PND the best thing I ever did was getting help. The best thing you can do for your DS is get help.

I promise they won't take DS away from you because you have PND and anxiety you'll earn far more respect for getting help for this and you're going to end up a better happier parent for doing it as well.

It's not an overnight fix it takes time and its hard but things get better, there will always be regrets for you about missing out on certain things or feeling like your DS missed out on certain things but you're ill its not your fault you're trying to get better and that's the best you can do right now.

Everything will be OK in the end.

Piggy2012 · 24/10/2012 13:31

If you cannot see your GP, speak to your Health Visitor - if you do not feel able to actually say how you feel, print out your post and give it to them. No one is going to take your baby but you need to sort out this problem. Have you joined the National ChildBirth Trust (not expensive if you have no finances)? They have some excellent support and resources and sometimes knowing you are not the only one that feels the way you do is the first step forward. Also, show this thread to your OH so he understands otherwise he might feel as if he is living in a nightmare too! Good luck sweetie and let us know what the HV or GP say and keep talking to us!

ontheedgeofwhatever · 24/10/2012 13:32

Bless you,they will not take your baby for this honestly. You're not thinking of harming him. You're not neglecting him. You're not starving him. You just need a bit of support. They are far more likely to refer you for counselling, help you find opportunities to get out of the house with your baby and if necessary offer you medication.

No one is judging you at mother and baby groups,they're all far too busy drinking coffee enjoying adult conversation and being glad to get out the house for an hour or two.

Just tell your GP what you've written here - print it out and take it if it helps.

You are brave to be looking for help and you're obviously a great mum.

Good luck and enjoy your baby.

Birdsgottafly · 24/10/2012 13:39

I am a CP SW and i assure you that no-one will take your baby off you.

If it's any comfort i had severe PND after my second child, many women regardless of circumstances do, but there is no need to suffer in silence.

Your GP may refer you to your HV, for extra visits, who can help, please don't be wary of any services suggested, they are only looking to help and to improve life for all of you.

Joiningthegang · 24/10/2012 14:45

You sound like you need a huge cuddle xxxx

Write down what you want to say to the gp and good luck xxxx

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 24/10/2012 17:30

there are lots of us out here who have been exactly where you are, and our children are still with us. please get help so it doesnt get worse, you will feel better soon just enjoy your baby.

thebody · 24/10/2012 17:33

Noone is going to take your baby away love, go and see your GP or health visitor and just say what you have told us.

They will help and you hang into the fact that lots of people do go through this and come out of the other side well and happy.

Hugs and keep posting.

Original poster

Screamfromtherooftops · 24/10/2012 17:55

Thankyou all for the replies.

I have been referred for talking therapy and they said come back if I feel like I need to take anxiety tablets, I am due a phone call from the therapist in a few days.

Does anyone have any experience of this? As i am really nervous and I would like to know in advance what to expect.

Thankyou for all the help.

OP posts:

Fairylea · 24/10/2012 18:15

I've been where you are and dd is now a lovely 9 yr old and I also have ds 4months who strangely enough I didnt get pnd with at all.

They wont take your baby away. You do need help though and probably to try some different anti depressants. It took me 4 tries to find one I was ok with and I took it for about 6 months at a very high dose - citaloprlam 60mg.

Also... I hated baby groups and hate them now. Dd and ds have never been to them and never will. Its not for me and if it's not for you it's not a sign you're a bad mum !!

Fairylea · 24/10/2012 18:15

I've been where you are and dd is now a lovely 9 yr old and I also have ds 4months who strangely enough I didnt get pnd with at all.

Also... I hated baby groups and hate them now. Dd and ds have never been to them and never will. Its not for me and if it's not for you it's not a sign you're a bad mum !!

Fairylea · 24/10/2012 18:16

Sorry posted twice.

LittleMissFlustered · 24/10/2012 19:19

Been there, more than once. Your baby will not be taken away. You say you're due a call from your therapist? When he or she calls tell them your anxiety is increasing and that you'd like to look into ways to improve it. Your GP will be perfectly understanding, and if you don't feel that you can go into the surgery you can always ring and ask for a call back.

Take care of yourself, it will pass at some point, it can jut take some serious effort and time to do so:)

QueenofNightmares · 24/10/2012 21:21

Talking therapy is just that, they're going to talk to you they'll take it as slow as you like and they're just there to listen to you no judging allowed.

It feels really amazing to just be allowed to talk about whatever you need to and know that no one is going to judge you about what you're saying. It's a huge relief to talk so freely.

Birdsgottafly · 25/10/2012 11:30

"Does anyone have any experience of this? As i am really nervous and I would like to know in advance what to expect."

As Queen says, it is the listening that is the important bit, very few of us listen to others, properly, without an agenda, that is what a therapist is trained to do (I am a trained counselor as well as a SW).

The counselor listens and clarifies what your meaning is, this helps you to get rid of the rubbish and focus on your problem.

It is empowering to realise that you don't need anyone else to help you to get through this, you just needed someone to help you see things clearly.

A therapist will pick up on what you don't say, as well, this can be enlightening.

All of this will help you manage the symptoms of your anxiety.

During a counselors training they will have to undergo couseling themselves, or they don't qualify,i don't knowof anyone who hasn't found this useful.

I have had both person centred and psychodynamic counselling, both have really helped me and i use what i have learned.

I took anti depresents whilst i had my PND and i am now, as i am not managing with peri-menapausal symptoms.

Don't think that any of the 'professionals' that 'been there' themselves.

KellyElly · 25/10/2012 11:44

I had very bad post natal depression and like you the anti depressants didn't work for me and I was given a referral for CBT but was put on a fairly long waiting list, so I found a therapist who specialised on PND at a local SureStart children's centre. It was the best think I ever did. I had 14 sessions weekly and was able to take DD along - she slept in the room while I had my session at first, then when she was a bit bigger she went to the creche. Mt therapist was quite interactive which was what I needed as I wouldn't have been able to go to one who just sits there and doesn't say anything. After my sessions finished they gave me a referral to MIND in case I felt I needed longer term psychotherapy, but I felt much stronger and didn't take up the place. As bleak as it feels at the moment you will come through this, it will take a while but gradually you will be able to cope better and start enjoying your life again. Good luck :)

KellyElly · 25/10/2012 11:44

*weekly sessions (not 14 a week!)

MrsMuddyPuddles · 26/10/2012 08:21

yes, they are very kind. They only get SS involved if they think you're a harm to your baby- in my case, saying horrible, specific things about my daughter got a "FYI type note" registered with SS, and a review at the local mental health hospital to determine that I am not a threat to myself or others.

Saying "I love my baby, but I'm sooo anxious/worried about things" ... you will stay with your little one.

I have experience with councelling (though not for my PND)- they are very kind and listen.

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