To not go in to work today because of anger!!!

[bogbean]

Six months ago I helped a friend get a job at the small company I work for. She probably wasn't the best candidate but I talked her up because she was desparate for work and... Well... I care about her and I could.

Things started off okay. We had to work as a duo, always out of site of the boss and I showed her the ropes. I dont however have any authority... In my bosses eyes we are equal and get paid the same wage.

Recently she has become impossible to work with... Moans and complains about everything to do with work... And we regularly spend days at a time together in hotels and on the road. I cant stand her negativity which in turn makes me grumpy. Sometimes I pretend to go and have a sleep just to avoid talking to her. I might add that outside of work she is a different person entirely and very fun and pleasant.

Recently we have been on a training course to learn a new computer program. after the course we were given work to geton with together... She doesnt seem to have learnt anything from he course and expects me to reteach her everything... Even when we have tight deadlines and I could easily get the work done myself. I am constantly spooning her information... I sometimes feel like I am being her brain as well as mine. However, when I am away from her she apparently excels at work! It enfuriates me! She even asks me the way to the office that we regularly commute to even though she gets there fine alone!

J took this morning off because I cant face her anymore... she is driving me insane and I got very little sleep last night worrying about it. I dont know how to talk to her ... she can be oversensitive, defensive and irrational.

I used to love my job :-(

Oh dear - what a palarva.

But surely part of being such good friends is that you can be honest with each other? Unless one of you leaves you are stuck with each other so you need to work it out.

I think you need to sit her down and tell her what you have told us, how it is affecting you and how you want to work things out. The friendship looks like it is over anyway if you do nothing, so although a little confrontation might be difficult at first, ultimately things can be sorted out.

Do you think she is in some way deferring to you, as a way of showing gratitude for you getting her the job, and she is playing the "ditsy" card to enforce her 'junior' role in the duo?

Ignore her negativity, filter it out, don't hear it.
When she asks about stupid stuff don't take it on. Say ' oh, I don't know about that, you should ask so and so (the boss)'
Don't carry her any more. Do your job and if she cant do hers stop helping her- suggest she asks others.
You will appear cold but she will get the message.

Oh and ask your boss if you can have a different 'partner' at work.

I second Kitty's approach - just don't carry her. If she asks about stuff that she has been taught (i.e. tries to get you to do all for her) tell her to ask the boss).

And have yourself a nice relaxing day at home to chill a bit and rest up.

Oh dear.

Probably good you have taken a day out so you can cool off.

You need to strategise: first of all you need to ensure your own work remains at a high standard, that is, no more sick leave and definitely don't allow the stress of being with her impact negatively on your own contributions (hard, I know)

Secondly you need to let your bosses know that it isn't working out and get the right person to deal with it. Also hard, but could be done. Do you trust your boss? Can you be honest with them? You will need to be matter of fact and unemotional, give examples of times she has behaved unprofessionally or not met the standard.

Tbh I went through similar, she also was v negative at work and dependent on me. I did manage to sack her and stay friends. gah!

A few things.

One, perhaps you have to be a little bit honest with her. Also when you don't have time to explain something -say so.

If you have a good manager it is the sort of thing you should be able to to talk to him/her about. Not saying she is crap or anything but that because she is your friend it is hard to have the right boundaries. The she is leaning on you when you are there and being negative.

Thanks so much for all the feedback. I am going to work out what to say to her today. I owe her some honesty, as I can be a bit of a confrontation phobe.

My boss is very down to earth and approachable... However I will tread carefully and try not to put my friend in the shit. I dont want her to lose her job because I have been too weak to establish boundaries with her.

I am also pregnant and struggling with my own exhaustion and nausea problems... Dont want to act irrationally due to stress.

Thanks again...

Oh and ask your boss if you can have a different 'partner' at work. QUOTE

I don't think this is fair. I have sympathy for the OP but she is the one who brought this person into the company while knowing she possibly wasn't suited to the job. I don't think she should just lob her onto someone else now who had nothing to do with her joining the company.