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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that you don't pester someone who has offered to do you a favour? Probably trivial, but it's annoyed me!

27 replies

fluffyanimal · 23/10/2012 13:50

MN jury please confirm me in my righteous indignation :
I'm a uni lecturer and a while back I had a piece of software developed to support our students' learning. As this software could be helpful to anyone studying the same subject, we made it free and downloadable to the public from our university's website.
Recently I was contacted over email by a member of the public enquiring about this software. I pointed him to the download link, but he replied saying that he only had access to a PC provided by his work and he didn't have access to download programmes, though he could install software from CDs etc. So in a gesture of goodwill I said if he could send me a CD and a postage-paid return envelope I'd download it onto a CD and post it back to him. This was less than a week ago.
Today he contacts me saying he's been checking his post daily and nothing from me yet. I replied to say sorry, I'd been working away from the office for a couple of days and hadn't picked up my mail yet but I would get onto it tomorrow. He replies saying can I send it soon as he wants to get started by the weekend.
Now, had he just said something like 'fine, no worries, hear from you soon', I'd have left it but his second chasing email got my back up so I replied to say I'd try my best but hope he could understand I had to prioritise my normal duties. He then emailed back offering to pay for the software, which is beside the point as it is free and paying me wouldn't make me able to do it any faster. So I thanked him for the offer but explained that paying for it wasn't an option, it was just that I didn't appreciate being hassled when I was doing him a favour and didn't have to offer.
He's just replied to say that as I offered, and he didn't ask me to do this, he is entitled to ask when he can expect to receive the software. Yes, once, fair enough, but not pester. Anyway I've stopped engaging but I'm peeved, I tell you, peeved, so I thought I'd come and rant here instead.
So AIBU or does he have the manners of a slug?

OP posts:

mirry2 · 23/10/2012 13:53

Jut send him back the cd

mirry2 · 23/10/2012 13:54

I mean the empty cd of cours. Why should you operate to his priorities?

Nancy66 · 23/10/2012 13:55

hmm - it's hard to tell.

Sometimes people imagine a tone in an email that was never intended.

I think he is being impatient and it was a bit off to start chasing you after less than a week - but i don't think he's being especially rude.

CrazyCatLady13 · 23/10/2012 13:56

Second that - send him back the CD. Not worth the hassle! Imagine if he can't load it from the CD, or has other issues with it - then he'll be hassling you more and more and more!

CrazyCatLady13 · 23/10/2012 13:57

Sorry - I meant to say send him back the empty CD.

SauvignonBlanche · 23/10/2012 13:58

Return his CD.

monsterchild · 23/10/2012 13:59

I agree he's stepped over the line. If he needed this software so badly he should go pester someone with a computer to download it for him, or pester his boss so he can get a pc that can download it.

I wouldn't send back a black CD, as that is bad form on your part, but I certainly wouldn't put it any higher on my priority list than it already is.

mrsfuzzy · 23/10/2012 13:59

what a pain in th dordogne, as mirry2 said, it is abit frusrating when you a rewaiting for something to arrive but he was making abit of a pest of himself, if the contacted again, i'd mark up as spam.end of.

mrsfuzzy · 23/10/2012 14:01

sorry mirry i was agreeing with what you said in your first post.

Paiviaso · 23/10/2012 14:01

Manners of a slug. He should have just asked a friend to download it for him, but perhaps nobody he knows wants to do him a favour either!

You could write back and say you are very sorry that you can not accommodate his needs fast enough, and that you have sent him his CD back so that he can find someone who will be able to do it sooner.

NatashaBee · 23/10/2012 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

fluffyanimal · 23/10/2012 14:06

Thanks everyone
I will try to put it on his CD because I'm proud of our little program and want it widely disseminated. But if I encounter any difficulties, I'm not going to go to any trouble. CrazyCatLady, gosh I hope that doesn't happen!!

OP posts:

Spatsky · 23/10/2012 14:11

If you return the CD with the software on, make sure you include any disclaimers about warranty etc and any intellectual property rights etc that might be displayed with the download.

Anal I know but he sounds awkward and the type you need to be clear with about your position.

Original poster

fluffyanimal · 23/10/2012 14:15

Good points NatashaBee and Spatsky!

OP posts:

Spatsky · 23/10/2012 14:16

Sorry, ignore my post, I'm sure I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs. Didnt mean to be patronising. Only said it because sometimes T&Cs are not part of the programme but a separate file or document to the download.

TunaPastaBake · 23/10/2012 14:19

thoroughly check his CD for viruses !

Snazzyspookyandscary · 23/10/2012 14:19

Manners of a slug. Do send him the CD with the program on it, but when you are able to. And just don't answer any emails from him in the meantime. You've said you'll send it; he isn't entitled to a special delivery tracking service.

Spatsky · 23/10/2012 14:20

I hope he's put enough postage on the pre-paid return envelope .

Original poster

fluffyanimal · 23/10/2012 14:21

Spatsky no no, I didn't think you were patronising, it is a good point!

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/10/2012 14:22

What a rude twit.

I think I would not be able to stop myself from telling him plainly that, no, he is not 'entitled' to anything and if he still wants to take advantage of a favour, he must stop hassling you.

I slightly wonder if he's one of those people who imagine that anyone who works in education has some kind of duty to do give out their time/expertise free? There was an article in my local paper recently about how dons should be donating time to schools in the area and a lot of people were commenting that this is a fair expectation, or something they should do because they're interested in education. Maybe he needs you to spell out that this is not part of your job description?

tethersend · 23/10/2012 14:27

Yy, say that the earliest you can get it to him is in two weeks' time; ask if he'd like to wait or you can return the CD.

Then of course, just fill the CD with animal porn.

Problem solved.

Abzs · 23/10/2012 14:37

Manners of a slug. An impatient slug. Who clearly imagines the Royal Mail now use teleporters or something...

But, has he said whether he wants it for the same purposes as it is provided for your students, that is, to aid his study of the same subject? Or, is it for his work, because no one in his office can write one, or they won't pay someone else to?

As Spatsky said, you need to be very clear if it's for educational purposes only.

Original poster

fluffyanimal · 23/10/2012 14:43

Pretty sure he only wants it for educational purposes - it's a typing tutor to help you learn to touch type using a different (non-Roman) alphabet. It sounds like he's learning the language in his own time.

Animal porn - some of you lot are very naughty!

OP posts:

plutocrap · 23/10/2012 15:14

Oooh, is it Cyrillic? May we have a link, too, please?

eBook · 23/10/2012 15:43

I expect he wants to make a lot of copies and sell them on eBay.

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