about my 'ex friends' children

[Rugbycomet]

To cut a long story short......an old friend of mine and I have sort of fallen out, although I would be very happy to see her and chat. I don't think she want s to do that!! We used to see other about four times a week but since the disagreement, we have not seen each other for about five months now. It will be one of her children's birthdays and I used to spend around £30 ish on a present. As I have not seen her or her children I was going to post a card to him with some money in. This is not really my style but I have no idea what her child may be into now, toy wise, he will be 9. My immediate thought was to send £10 as a token gesture. Am I being unreasonable or should I still put in around £30?? Any help please?

Ok so nothing specific just a general feeling of growing apart and not jelling anymore as people??? That, then Im sorry cant be fixed. If she feels that way thendont send the card... just move on. It is sad but it does happen.

I have to say that my children as young teenagers we not keen on her..and still not. It's a shame as she and her family have been very supportive as have we to hers!

It sounds like she wanted to save the friendship and that's why she was very open and honest in the email. Maybe she was afraid that if she'd tried to say everything to you in person, it would have come out wrong, you'd have interrupted, or her mind would have gone blank and she'd have forgotten what she was going to say. Since she asked for your views in return, I think she was hoping you'd be equally open in reply, so that you'd then have "cleared the air". It's not really possible to mend a rift by sweeping things under the carpet IMHO.

If you don't think there is any future in the friendship then just leave it and don't send any cards etc. No point prolonging the pain or hard feelings.

Thank you e Book....I don't think you are far from wrong. However, she is very anti emails, phones etc and so it surprised me when I received it. When I asked her why she sent it rather than meet, she said she was far too busy to meet and if she kept thinking about it, it would make her ill as she's kept her feelings to herself before in other situations,(not with me) and she felt as though she was going into a black hole.

i think you need to return her key as soon as you can. Whatever you think of her, you are no longer her friend, this is clear from the emails and returned items - you must give her key back and close the door unfortunately

I agree with Dappydays.
It can be very sad and hard to let a good or close friend go, however, from what you say it does sound like she's already made her decision.
Therefore, I personally would not send a present or card - you are only hanging on, and to what - it just makes the situation unclear. Another point is that she probably won't acknowledge the sentiment, and you might resent that.

It is over. Give her the key back. You are not good for each other.

Sounds like the break up of a marriage than friends! You don't owe her children any maintenance or anything so you're free as a bird! Don't bother with the presents.

I wouldn't do or send anything. Time to move on and concentrate on your non-loon friends.

Well...thanks for all you replies BUT the story continues. I decided to take your advice and return the key. I did send herr little boy a bd card for today but that was ll, no money etc. I have just received an email from her thanking name for the return of the cat basket, which I returned two weeks ago, and the key. She also how I am?? I just can't make this out. Do you think she splaying mind games cos it certainly feels like it??

I apologise for the lack af apparent spelling and wierd words in the middle of sentences. It's the iPad auto correction??? And me not checking what I've written!!

Just answer her and leave it, expect nothing in return. Ask her how she is.

Sounds abit odd but. I wouldn't worry about it. Just answer that you are fine and that you hope she is. It won't merit a reply but it is polite. She may or may not be playing mind games. It is entirely possible that she is just a bit of a wierdo!

Why don't you email back saying that you are a bit confused and would like to know whether she would like to consider reigniting some sort of relationship with you or not, and on what terms. Otherwise it would be best to end contact. She may not be intending to play mind games with you but is feeling bereft at the loss of your friendship - and she may be looking for a way in to being friends again on some level, or she may be selfishly keeping contact going because it feels 'nicer' to her or something. You'll only find out if you ask her. And do YOU want to remain any kind of friend with her? It can be unpleasant to be dumped, so you may be trying to cling onto your friendship to be rid of that feeling....but it might be a good time to call an end to it altogether. That would include not trying to stay in contact with her children. I would send one honest email and leave it at that.

She sounds bonkers conkers to me. I think this kind of emotionally intense friendship between adult women is quite odd tbh.

I wouldn't think too much along the lines of reigniting the friendship. She's just being polite. Who knows. Just say 'fine thank you. Hectic.' You can add 'and you?' If you want to be polite. She might chat back. Who knows.

Just let it go. If she's messed around so much with you then I'd leave it. Life is too short to fret about such things.