To be angry with the NHS

[aliphil]

1. DD (now 9 weeks) was a forceps birth so I had an episiotomy. Just over a week later, the mw had a look and said some of the stitches had come out and it was infected. Since then I have had three rounds of antibiotics for the various infections (was prescribed a fourth, based on a swab, but the GP changed her mind when she'd seen it ), and it bleeds every time I poo and at other random times. Last week the GP referred me for an urgent appointment at the outpatient gynae clinic - but they said it doesn't count as urgent (after all, it's only 9 weeks of an open wound in an easily contaminated area!)so heaven knows when that will be.

1. Paediatrician in the hospital said DD didn't have a tongue tie. DD wasn't interested in feeding at first so all the bf-ing advice I got was about getting her on at all costs; I didn't realise at first it wasn't meant to be so painful. After a few weeks and talking to friends I twigged there was a problem and someone here suggested tongue tie, so I looked into it and DD had lots of the symptoms. So I tried to get a referral.

HV: She probably has one but as she's gaining weight it's not a problem. I'll refer you but it will take a long time. (Later: I can't get you an appointment, try the GP.) GP1: She probably has one but as she's gaining weight it's not a problem. I can't refer you, you should have asked the HV. GP2: She probably has one and I'll refer you, but it won't make any difference. Consultant: She has a mild tongue tie and I'll divide it, but because she's so much older than most of the babies I see, it's not likely to help with the pain of feeding. And yes, she does have a lip tie, but that causes no known problems with bf-ing or anything else. Consultant gave no advice at all on preventing re-attachment, helping DD with tongue movement, helping improve DD's latch or anything else. HV has decided we're fine and don't need visiting. Up till now I have had almost nothing but praise for the NHS, but since DD arrived the attitude has been that so long as she's fine, I don't matter. Obviously I want her to be fine, but it would be so much easier to get help if she wasn't!

Thank you for letting me rant.

I could have written the first part of your post (in fact I think I did and will see if I can find it...)

After getting through shit loads of antibiotics and it not getting any better I was referred to a gynaecologist who advised the episiotomy had been stitched too high and too tight and I had to have a Fenton's prcedure. If you're not feeling right at the end of this course of anti-bs ask for a referreal to a gyane. Insist upon it.

Sorry, I don't know anything about tongue ties... I found BFing incredibly difficult and HV wasn't interested, just sort of shrugged at me. There should be a local BF Support group though, maybe given them a try?

Sorry you're having such a shocking time, and congratualtions on the birth of your DC!

Oh God just seen you're waiting for a gynae appointment. Sorry. If you can afford it go privately - I did that because the wait was so long, it cost £80 but was so worth it.

Sorry to hear you are having a few issues. Can I ask if she is breastfeeding OK now and are you still in pain with the feeding? Have you been to any NCT breasfeeding classes? They can really help, or find a www.laleche.org.uk/ person in your area. They are brilliant and not breasfeeding Nazis! They can use all their experience and knowledge to help with feeding, definately call them as they can help with latching and will have seen mums and babies with lots of issues.

Down below is a longer one, as it is a wet area, it does take longer to heal, I had lots of stitches with DS1 now 10 and it too a good 3 months to heal properly, 3-4 different sets of anti b's. Salt baths really help, just a handfull of sea salt in a warm bath, it won't sting and it really helps. Also sit afterwards, pantless, legs akimbo and let the area dry and get lots of air to it!

Your perserverance with breast feeding has paid off as she is putting on weight which is the main thing you want, so well done you, it's tough at times, but worth it.

Agree with carocaro, I am a big fan of La Leche League and have got so much support from fellow members. Anecdotally, one woman there did have a baby with a lip tie and BFing went much better once it was sorted out.

I also got an infected stitch (well, only the one thankfully) after my episiotomy. The GP was able to pull it out and it healed quickly, but it was pretty painful in the meantime. I really feel for you and agree that if going private is an option for you, you should try it (I realise it's not feasible for many people and anyway you shouldn't have to, but here we are).

And again, La Leche League, they are brill. Really. Good luck and good health to you.

I understand your frustration. My "care" from the NHS during and after my horror film of a birth experience was fucking disgusting. It still makes me so angry well over a year later when I allow myself to think about it. I apologise in advance for this advice as I know many will disagree with me and it's probably not the best way to go about things but IMHO you need to move on, get over it and enjoy your baby. Otherwise it will just consume you and the effort put in to make things right in this situation will not be proportionate to any answer you can get from the NHS. Yadnbu to be fuming but for your own sanity, you just need to brush yourself off and promise yourself that in the future you will QUESTION EVERYTHING!!! I hope little one is getting on well.

I'm the same.
My daughters birth was horrific. She's three and a half years old now and I still can't go near the maternity unit of our local hospital without feeling physically ill.

I felt violated, traumatised and abused both during and after the birth.
I was treated like a non entity. I was left in pain and terrified with repeated flashbacks and nightmares and anxiety.

I'm afraid I agree with Kalisi above. You need to try to get over it. I spent a year and a half being so angry, I mean absolutely enraged and full of hatred for the staff who treated me so badly.

I was proactive, I got counselling, I paid to go privately so I could be seen immediately by a private midwife who specialised in birth trauma and now I'm just happy I have my daughter despite the horror of her birth.

I will NEVER have another child though. EVER.

blueballoon79

I went through exactly the same. Have just finished course of counselling that I paid for privately. Am waiting on referral to have a de-brief about the birth on my counsellor's advice. Have had flashbacks, dysperenia, RAGE when I think about what happened to me.

I will never, ever have another child. I am so grateful to have my son. I am having to learn to focus on that rather than what I went through to get him.

Crazy tip, but worked wonder, my stitches burned like hell and a very lovely mate/Mum of 3 brought me some Fab lollies, I though nice but wierd in December, but she took one out the box, left the wrapper on, wrapped it in kitchen roll and told me to shove it in my knickers, perfect fit, not leakage from the lolly and so cooling and soothing and totally appreicated. We still refer to Fab lollies with a laugh 10 years on!

Thanks all. I am trying to get over it and ranting here helps! Of course getting over these two fairly major problems would probably help too ... I mostly enjoy DD - when she's not feeding .

caro, I had an NCT breastfeeding class as part of the antenatal classes, but can't get hold of the leader to ask for help. I have talked to the LLL person at the local bf-ing cafe but I think what I really need is someone to observe us feeding at home; in public DD is calmer than usual and I am more stressed! So suggestions that work at the cafe tend not to work at home when she's hungry and wriggling and/or screaming. My granny gave us some money to spend on DD and my DH thinks we should use some of it for an appointment with a lactation consultant, but I feel like that's spending the money on me rather than her.

My love, how is spending money to help you feed your daughter spending money on you, exactly? Get DH to get it booked, now.

nct have a national phone line for bf issues manned by v good volunteers, they also have advisers who you can visit in their homes, and very experienced women running weekly bf groups - all free. please make the most of the support they can give you.

I am someone who suffers from incredible pain (literally like cutting off your nipples) when bf for at least 3 months. There were mixed opinions about whether my babies had mild tongue tie, but actually from what I learnt I think they didnt - its a total myth that problem free bf will always be pain free - however the pain does become less intense if you can hang on til the worst passes

on really bad occasions when you are just about to give up and send dh to the shop for formula please use nipple shields - they do reduce feeding rate but they reduce the pain a lot and if you do it for 24 or 48 hours no harm will be done and you will feel strong enough to continue bf without them

The NHS failed to carry out an emergency section on my daughter when she was in distress, she was left permanently brain damaged and in a coma for a week, then weeks in nicu and we never go a day without therapy or hospital apointments. Every member of DD's medical team has said she would have been ok had they mot induced me and sectioned me. Fucking bastards.

They are so bad in our area that as and when we have another baby I don't want to have anything to do with any of the NHS and will do my damndest to find private care. Even if it means travelling to London.

YADDDDDDNBU

Oh and the national breastfeeding support network is a million times better than LLL or NCT in our area.