Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lie to the PiLs about where I am tomorrow?

51 replies

ViviPru · 22/10/2012 17:27

I work from home. I sell a weekday to a client, 8.30-6 and work with them remotely but closely, so constant emails back and forth, phonecalls etc. The significance of this is that even though I am self-employed and work remotely, I can't just pick and choose when I work. DP's working set-up is quite similar, but he is less answerable to his clients on an hour-by hour basis.

The PiLs have been trying to arrange a weekend to visit us, but the one date they suggested was the only date we have had a prior engagement in the diary for months which cannot be rearranged. All of the other dates we offered (about 5 options) between now and Christmas are inconvenient for them. So this weekend, they arranged with DP that they will visit tomorrow (Tuesday) as they are 'in the area' - (we're actually an hours' detour from where they are but closer than usual as they live a good 200 miles away) He explained that we are both working, (they are semi-aware of the nature of our work, but they've never really listened when we've tried to explain) but they are still insisting on coming.

They're quite hard work, think Victor Meldrew and Hyacinth Bouquet, and require hosting (unlike my parents who just help themselves to drinks, initiate chit chat and generally blend in) I'm happy to host them when I have time at the weekend, but it will be extremely difficult on a working day. Particularly at the moment as we have an 11wk old puppy who is manageable, but a handful. They have never been particularly enamoured/fond of our dogs.

DP can manage his parents on his own, and has said I only need pop in from my office and say hello, and then I can get back to work, but I think this is totally unrealistic. Not only would it be awkward making my excuses and getting back to work, I think they would find it a bit odd too. I also worry about the puppy, she is at that bitey, defiant stage and DP struggles to multitask, I worry he won't be able to engage them in chit chat, make them drinks and keep the puppy from destroying MiL's handbag without a bit of support. I imagine they'll be here a good few hours at least.

Now every other Tuesday I work in-house for a client (i.e. in the client's office). DP told his parents he wasn't sure if that was the case this week or not (he genuinely wasn't sure) but in actual fact it is not the case. I have the perfect get-out clause though, I could go and work at my Mum's house, and we could tell his parents I'm at my clients. I would take the puppy with me as usually my Mum does have the puppy when I'm working in-house so DP can get on with his work uninterrupted, so nothing out of the ordinary there...

God that's all a bit long winded, sorry, so WIBU to let my In-laws believe I'm working in-house for a client when they visit tomorrow? WWYD? Thanks.

OP posts:
cutegorilla · 22/10/2012 17:45

I'd go.

Trills · 22/10/2012 17:47

They could care less, or they couldn't care less? :)

Inertia · 22/10/2012 17:48

I would go and work elsewhere and leave the puppy behind to annoy the ILs and piddle in MILs handbag while DH is running around after them

ViviPru · 22/10/2012 17:48

Actually that's one of my bugbears too Trills, I don't know where that came from. Thanks for pulling me up :)

OP posts:
ViviPru · 22/10/2012 17:49

Actually Inertia, that's not such a bad idea Grin

OP posts:
MothershipG · 22/10/2012 17:53

If you want to have lunch with them tell them it's a different clients, otherwise stay away! Wink

ViviPru · 22/10/2012 17:57

Lunch would actually be quite nice. I'd actually like to see them, just not under these circumstances. I only ever work in house every other Tuesday for this one massive client and they know all about that, and where it is, so I couldn't make out it was different.

I honestly wrote this without a fixed idea if IBU or not, I'm worried I'm coming across as protesting too much, one of those AIBUers who doesn't listen..

OP posts:
tharsheblows · 22/10/2012 18:01

You don't even have to lie. Just say you can't work from home tomorrow. No fib needed! Let them assume what they may. (Of course, be prepared to lie.)

pookamoo · 22/10/2012 18:09

Surely DP can just say "Vivi is working" and doesn't need to be specific as to where exactly.

ChaoticismyLife · 22/10/2012 18:11

I've no idea why but the attitude that some people have that it's okay to interrupt you when you wfh, when they wouldn't dream of doing so if you worked in an office, really annoys me. I don't even wfh.

YANBU You have important work to do for a client, if that means that you work from your mums because your in-laws don't respect the fact that you are working then so be it.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/10/2012 18:14

YANBU to go and work elsewhere if you believe you are going to have your work interrupted.

BUT

You are infantalising your DP massively to try and orchestrate how he deals with his own parents and dog.
I mean it kindly Vivi - you are marrying him soon and you can't go through life worrying about the minutiae like that, certainly not if you are planning DCs...

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 22/10/2012 18:14

I agree, Chaotic. People seem to take it badly and personally that I'm not generally available for tea on a weekday afternoon because I work at home, but no one would ring up a friend in an office to suggest an hour-and-a-half break for tea and be hurt/outraged when they said no.

SpatchcockedShitzu · 22/10/2012 18:14

Of course lie, but also start a campaign to make them understand that when you're at work, you're at work. You know, just like with a 'proper job'.

ViviPru · 22/10/2012 18:16

That's my thinking too Chaotic. you wouldn't expect to turn up at a teacher's place of work in the middle of the day and expect them to drop what they're doing and host you for a couple of hours.

In my PiLs defence though, DP really ought to have been a bit more resistant to the visit. He likes the quiet life with them though, and I sympathise, so he thought it would just be easier to say it would be OK. Plus he would like to see them and was disappointed when they couldn't make any of the dates we suggested they could come.

Yes, tharsheblows & pookamoo, I guess there's no need to actually lie as such.

OP posts:
Cahoots · 22/10/2012 18:17

You will be going out to work and so I can't see that you will be telling any lies. It's a no brainer.

ViviPru · 22/10/2012 18:20

I can take it from you Ali :)

You're right, I ought to try and let him cope.

I honestly don't want to appear like I'm dripfeeding, but your comment made me realise the relevance of something else. DP has ADHD and often struggles to multitask/cope with overwhelming situations more than the average person. He's currently trialling a different dosage of meds, and things have been up and down somewhat, so that's probably why I'm being a bit more overly-controlly than usual.

OP posts:
Inertia · 22/10/2012 19:39

Putting my passive-aggressive head on here, but I would be sorely tempted to rock up at PILs house on one of the weekends that they already had plans for, and then get huffy if they refused to put their plans aside to entertain me.

oldraver · 23/10/2012 12:43

Go to your Mums but leave the puppy at home.... Your DH has to learn to deal with it

ViviPru · 23/10/2012 12:50

Too late, I'm here, the puppy's here, my Mum is loving yapping in my earole all day and feeding the puppy cabbage cores.

We didn't really discuss it again. DP said this morning 'so shall I put the puppy crate in the car?' and I asked him if he was sure he didn't want me to leave her at home and he said no because he'll get more work done before and after his parents visit if he's not minding her on his own.

I'm now off to enjoy the omelette being made for me Grin Thanks for everyones contributions!!

OP posts:
bran · 23/10/2012 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shorttermnamechange · 23/10/2012 12:53

Personally, I wouldn't leave my house and work elsewhere. what I would do, is stick my head around the door to say hi, when they arrived and then I would go back upstairs or to the study and get on with my normal working day. I would pause for lunch and be sociable for an hour, but that would be the extent of my hosting.

Your dp arranged this and he should have to get on with it. they are his parents, after all. Not yours. Maybe next time he'll be a bit firmer with his parents when they want to visit on a work day.

I think you are treating him like a helpless kid, by taking the puppy to your mums. I don't see why you are capable of working and looking after a dog at the same time, but he can't manage his parents and a dog simultaneously.

shorttermnamechange · 23/10/2012 12:54

X posted

blackeyedsusan · 23/10/2012 12:59

you are working in house... in mothers house..

go and work at your mums and get some peace.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/10/2012 13:55

Glad you are having a good day Vivi Grin

I totally get you about your DP, I would be similar in that situation I think.

ViviPru · 23/10/2012 13:58

:)

OP posts: