Why do people have opinions on wedding guest lists, why can't they just be happy for bride and groom!!!!! AIBU?

[CrapBag]

DBro is getting married next year, I am really happy and can't wait.

Future SIL texted me the other day to ask when I am going around to pick up my invite and the rest of my family (this is not further to any conversation we have had, but I am not going there with that). I asked who she had invites for as I don't see that much of some of my family. I gave her my dads address to post it as I don't see him that often, plus I will be the one who has to chase up "btw I still have your invite here can you pick it up" then it will be up to me to take everyone elses around or pay out to post them. I said I would leave the rest with my nan who sees various family at different times, far more than me.

Now she has day invites for my family (DH and kids), sister, dad and GPs. Evening invites for an aunt, 2 cousins and their spouses and another 2 cousins who have DPs (one only very recent) but are invited as single people. There is an aunt and cousin who don't live nearby like the others, my DB doesn't have a relationship with them so they aren't invited. I have no issue. The numbers are limited and as the brides GPs are paying for the reception, the bride and groom don't feel they can say "we want to invite more, can you pay more money" and they can't afford it themselves, plus they want to invite their actual friends in the evening. The ceremony is in a very small place and it is close family and a few friends only, the reception is bigger but numbers are still limited.

I was telling my nan about the invites last night and she immediately said "what about x" (aunt and cousin not invited). I explained the above to her. In general we are not a close family and I don't see the problem but I know she isn't happy about it and was saying about x talking about coming down for the wedding (she is assuming she is invited). I also don't know what the other cousins and aunt are going to say about not being invited all day when my DBro was to theirs then the other 2 about not having their DPs invited. I understand about numbers, it was an issue at my wedding and it split my family. Weddings really bring out the worst in my family and it does my head in.

I know I am going to end up in the middle with people asking me why this and why that. Why can't people just accept an invite and not question the bride and grooms guest list!!! It isn't up to anyone else, its not like we are all close and see each other regularly. Christmas is usually the only time we all see each other up my nans house (and this doesn't include the aunt and cousin not invited, she only comes down here once every few years then she doesn't see my brother anyway) and I know that from this year that is changing due to family moving away etc.

AIBU to think that it shouldn't matter who the bride and groom want to celebrate their big day with and people should just be happy for them?!

LeggyBlonde, I kind of agree, but families don't get any closer by being excluded.

On the other hand, had I had a choice, I would have excluded most of my rude, drunken inlaws! But I guess it wouldn't have been DH's wedding without them!

I can sort of see both sides, but a bride and groom can't expect an Aunty/Cousin to be thrilled for the happy couple if they weren't invited. Snub them and face it like a man, or squeeze them in.

Glad you are giving her the addresses so she can sort out the invitations herself - I really don't see why you should get caught up in delivering invitations or indeed defending/ discussing the guestlist. Just keep saying "I don't know. You'll have to check with SIL/DB" if asked anything. Keep out of it as much as possible!

I would just post or email her all of the relevant addresses, and if anyone asks you about the guest list just tell them they will have to ask the bride and groom!

Lots of those posting on this thread ABU by using the verb "invite" when they clearly need the noun "invitation".

Sorry just seen you are indeed giving her the addresses she needs :)

Well I sent future SIL a text telling her that I would get all the address for her and I thought it was best that she send the invitations out herself so people can't question who is invited to what etc. I then said my family and weddings are always a pain lol.

She replied with "well I've already got labels with all names on so if I sent them all directly now I'll have to do all new envelopes so I'll just send a load of them in a big envelope to your nans when I have the address and I'll give you yours when I see you xx"

I'm actually getting a bit pissed off with her now. She has cancelled on us recently and we don't see them that often. She has posted everyone elses to them individually, including my other sister so I don't know what the problem is with her to post the others.

So is she now expecting your nan to be a delivery service rather than you?

It's up to bride and groom who they invite( or who is paying the bill decides).

It's also rude not to post invites, agree op give her the list of addresses and stay out of it.

She sounds a bit flaky but if the names on the invites then your man just has to let them know and they can pik up.

Can't see why she or you will be blamed in any way.

You are just messenger.

Yes she is expecting my nan to ensure that everyone gets their invites.

Apparently now she has done the labels, she can't redo it and she is just posting them all in an envelope to my nan. What can I reply to her? I don't see why she is posting everyone elses invites except ours!

I would reply saying has she checked with nan that it's ok for her to have them, and also saying if she expects everyone to collect their invitation from nan's house, why not keep them at her house and ring everyone and ask them to collect them there instead? Why the need for nan to be involved at all?

You are far too involved in all of this. You should have stopped at collecting your own invite (since they lack either money, manners or both to post it or deliver it to you). Passing on addresses, acting as a free postal service, getting worked up over who is cross they haven't been invited and now deciding for your nan that she shouldn't pass the invites on.

None of this is anything to do with you really, and you'll be much happier if you keep right out of it. They sound like they are going to have the wedding they deserve. And next time someone tells you to come and collect your own wedding invite, you'll have the measure of them won't you?

I know. If I had known how this was going to go I would have messaged her straight away with everyones addresses and saved this faff.

I already told her I would take them to my nans so I can't say to her now about has she checked with my nan. She knows I see a lot of her.

How will she have to do new envelopes?

Has she written the names so large that there's no room to write the addresses?

I can hear it now, but we DID invite you did crapbag not give you your invite?

It's like it's own little get out clause.

buy her a pack of sticky white labels.

I don't know tbh. I am guessing that she has stuck labels with peoples names on the envelopes therefore can't just write addresses underneath? Sounds like crap to me.

I did tell her my dads address straight away after she first texted me so she had no problem putting his address on.

Her original text to me was in reply to a post on facebook. My sister wrote on her wall about receiving her invite in the post and how nice it was. I put that I hadn't rececived mine yet then I get her text about me going to pick it up along with the rest of my family!

I think she is being funny with me and deliberately not taking my hint about her posting out her own invites instead of leaving them at my nans.

Text to say that you will deliver the invites to your nan when you hear from your nan that she is ok with it. Don't worry if SIL gets a bit arsey - she has behaved really really badly over this. If she does get arsey then let her sort it all out - which she should have done from the start.

You're not a bridesmaid are you?! I wouldn't like to be in this case..

You'll be able to have a bit of fun with the wedding present won't you? Text her to collect it and when she does, make sure you give her a load of stuff to hand on to other people. And only get her an address book.

I agree with the bride should have posted her own invitations. Just say you have no idea who is invited or not invited and they will have to ask the bride or groom. If they ask you for addresses they don't have then of course give them the addresses but they should be organising all this themselves and not involving you.

No I am not.

Don't get me started on that.

She told me last year (before DBro proposed) that when they get married DD would be bridesmaid. They got engaged and nothing was said. Then she told me who her bridesmaids were and made a speech about how it was only her cousin and 2 friends because x and x would complain etc. No mention about her previous promise (and her exact words were "I have already decided that when me and DBro get married DD is going to be my bridesmaid, she will look so cute"). Now I find out that she has asked DBros cousins DD who lives 300 miles away to be bridesmaid. Not sure out of the people on her fiances side she had asked his second cousin who lives miles away over his neice who lives nearby and she had already earmarked as future bridesmaid. I haven't said anything about this to her.

Unfortunately I don't want to give my brother a shite wedding present so can't get away with that one really.

I know vivienne I have no idea why she has involved me in this at all but now she is acting like its too late for her to post them out herself and they are all going to my nans when she gets the address (which means off me).