To go to University the evening of DH's birthday?

[Vagaceratops]

Because MIL and S-MIL have told me that I am.

I am studying a part-time, evening degree.

I always go in on the same 2 days a week, unfortunately DH's birthday falls on one of these days. Its not a big birthday. Normally I organise a family meal, I cook and run around after everyone and make them happy.

He isnt fussed, but then he isnt into big celebrations. We are going out the next evening together.

MIL and S-MIL have made a lot of noise that I am 'letting DH down'. I said they could organise a celebration without me but they poo-pooed that idea probably because they dont want to cook.

AIBU?

Though MIL asked me if it was one of the childrens birthdays would I have taken it off and I said yes, because in my mind thats different.

You've made other plans to celebrate with him, YANBU.
They, on the other hand...

Deary me. Even if it were a child I still wouldn't take it off. Yes birthdays are nice but thogh we give cards and presents on the day we do the celebrating at the most convenient weekend. Work, study etc does not stop jsut because one person happens to be a year older.

Yanbu he's not ten! MIL wants to have a nice party...its not her birthday!

Yanbu they are being precious twats

Your DH isn't fussed, it's not a big birthday, you don't want to miss your class. So why are you even asking the question? Tell the -nosy- -interfering- -old- -cows- MILs to, "MYOB"!

ooops!

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. How silly. I wouldn't have changed for one of my children's birthdays either. Life goes on, and committments need to be kept.

Anyone old enough to read a calendar is old enough to understand that birthdays are not always celebrated exactly on the day.

Anyone not old enough to read a calendar won't know.

Yanbu. That's it really.

YANBU. Even my DCs realise that birthdays can't always be celebrated on the actual day & they're 8 & 10.

I have to go to Uni on my birthday this year & sit a maths exam. That's unreasonable

Oh dear Lord-I´ve heard it all now!

´Tis up to you & your husband.

My husband is usually at work on his bday.

Kids usually at school.

Sometimes we don´t do anything until the weekend-which could be 4/5 days away!!

(Obv we give cards & presents on the day!)

YANBU. You are being responsible.

And the MILs should mind their own business. I bet they secretly disapprove of you studying for a degree. Is it cats bum faces all round that you aspire to be more educated?

I fail to see how it concerns either of them.

You and your DH can decide to mark birthdays in whatever way the two of you see fit. If other relatives also wish to mark the day they can also do so in whatever way they feel is appropriate.

Ignore them. Like you said, they just want you to cook them a nice meal. Uni is much more important IMHO.

YANBU. If your DH is not fussed then it is nothing to do with them. As someone upthread said, they seem to have a problem with you studying (How dare you leave the family home two evenings a week to get an education) As someone else upthread has also said, they just want to be invited round to a meal cooked by you and waited on hand & foot. Stuff that, be firm, do as you have planned.

He's a grown up. I'm sure he understands. I wouldn't have changed it and I also wouldn't have changed it for one of my children either.

Do they have a problem with you going to university?

I only ask because I went to university with a toddler and my mother made lots of rather judgemental and critical remarks about it and my commitment to my 'family'. It transpired (through tears and a public display of self pity sometime later) that she was just jealous that I'd had the balls to do it.

YANBU. Not at all.

He's not a child who has to celebrate their birthday "on the day". Your mil is being an interfering idiot, especially as she declined the offer to organise something herself. Ignore.

Seriously YANBU, I go to work on my childrens birthdays and on occasion have even gone out with friends on the same day Tbh we tend to celebrate birthdays the weekend before the actual date. They need to catch themselves on and mind their own business.

Do they have a problem with you going to university?

Yes. Mainly because it takes up 'too much of my time'. MIL thinks I have turned into a 'Career girl who wont have time for the children'.

Every time she sees us she now she drops unsubtle hints about career women and their children she knows and how off the rails they are, or stressed out etc etc.

Try to rise above your MIL, OP. she probably looks at you and sees the opportunities you are creating for yourself and regrets what she has done with her life, and it's no more than her own regrets which are talking.....

Well there you go then!

Just ignore them.