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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why there aren't more vigilante attacks?

27 replies

ledkr · 21/10/2012 11:06

Watching the father of one of the victims of the hit and run van in Cardiff,cradle his bruised toddler on his lap, I felt murderous and was wondering how people managed to hold it together when someone hurts their child.
I feel as if I'd hunt them down.

OP posts:
SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 21/10/2012 11:08

Because the vast majority of people have faith in our criminal justice system? You know a society is completely screwed when vigilantism starts creeping in.

Original poster
ledkr · 21/10/2012 11:10

Yes I know that's true but sentencing is just so lenient, I'm not saying its right just that I'm surprised it doesn't happen more.

OP posts:
HeinousHecate · 21/10/2012 11:16

I am sure that if someone did that to my child, I would also want to hunt them down and tear them limb from limb. I bet the father cradling his child is going to feel like that too. atm he'll be thinking only of his child.

I think that when a crime has not hurt you, you are able to say that it is best to let the police handle it, because you're not emotionally involved. It's not your child, it's not your life. you are outside the heartbreaking pain of it, so you can be more objective.

But much as all that is true (imo Grin) and it is natural for the people involved to feel a rage and want some revenge on someone who has torn their life apart - logically, we as a society can't have that. And we have to help and support those who have suffered so that they can cope with their loss and natural feelings of anger and hatred and allow the justice system to do its best to work.

I would say 'allow the justice system to work', but well, you know it doesn't always! It's still better than everyone out there doing it themselves. Society would totally break down if that happened.

sashh · 21/10/2012 11:50

I asked someone the other week how they had not killed someone. I don't want to give details but it was something done to his daughter sho is not a teenger yet.

He sai
.
"Because it would be wrong"

Such a strong person

izzywizzyisbizzy · 21/10/2012 11:54

Because despite the overwhelming urge to tear someone limb from limb once they have hurt your child (I know only too well), holding o to that amount of hatred and rage hurts the child as well as what has happened to them.

I can tell you it consumes you and leaves no space for anything else not even love for your children - so to be a decent parent you have to learn to let it go - your love for your child has to come into play.

Also you come to realise - you will do your child no favours if you are in prison while the person who has hurt them walks free.

Re faith in the CJS - the CJS is a joke - never had any faith in it and was proved right.

JeezyOrangePips · 21/10/2012 11:59

Do the 'vast majority' of people have faith in the criminal justice system? When you hear of innocent people jailed and the guilty getting away with things because proper procedure wasn't followed, it's difficult to regard it as anything but flawed.

waltermittymissus · 21/10/2012 12:04

I'm surprised too. Gratefully surprised. Vigilantism is never a good thing.

Perhaps we've become so wrapped up in ourselves that when we hear of something dreadful happening we feel shocked, angry, upset...and then forget about it.

If someone hurt my child I would feel murderous. I wouldn't do anything though because I am for the most part a decent human being who doesn't have the capability to commit the horrors these criminals do.

But I would be devestated because the CJS IS a joke and child abusers, rapists etc. get off far too lightly. I've never heard a sentence where I've thought "he/she got what he/she deserves". I've always been appalled at the leniency.

Then you consider that it's rare for a person to actually serve the entirety of their sentence in prison. Angry

izzywizzyisbizzy · 21/10/2012 12:04

slightly you know society is screwed when despite the evidence of 4 different people - a child abuser walks free.

crazynanna · 21/10/2012 12:05

I agree with izzy

Something happened to my (now adult) dd when she was very young..something bad. I played out so many scenarios in my mind about what I would/should do..including, actual murder, (ashamed to say). But she needed me,and that meant not going to prison. That meant to stay strong and to show how two wrongs don't make a right. So,I called the Police instead. The sentence was a joke,but I had no choice at that stage but to have faith in the JS.

I also had to "let it go" in my soul. It ate me up and made be bitter,cynical and miserable. My girl didn't need that either. So I had to let all the hate go.

BeingBooyhoo · 21/10/2012 12:05

well i think most people start off with shock and grief which can go on for quite some time. if the killer/suspect is found, it could be that the parent's just dont have the energy or space in their heads to look for revenge. i'm sure alot of people also realise that it wont ever undo the hurt that was caused to their child or their families.

squeakytoy · 21/10/2012 12:11

I would say because thankfully the majority of our society are sane and reasonable people, who realise that while they may want to exact punishment onto someone, all it will do is get them on the wrong side of the law and is no solution.

gordyslovesheep · 21/10/2012 12:17

also maybe people see past the sensational head lines about sentencing and actually accept that the legal process works most of the time

maybe people are more concerned with loving and helping their loved ones than focusing energy into anger and rage

and what Squeaky said

izzywizzyisbizzy · 21/10/2012 12:18

It's very hard though - to see no justice when your life is torn apart and the perpetrator is walking free and with no consequences.

You have to work really hard on not being bitter and letting hatred eat you up - it's doesn't come naturally.

I think if someone murders your child and you have no others - that must be the worst of all - because then you have nothing to keep those feelings in check.

I watched te programme with the parents of Holly (or Jessica) and they were so quietly dignified and saying their son still deserve a life.

Sometimes - I wish I wasn't a good and decent person - but I am - and so I remain helpless - I totally understand why people take the law into their own hands - after the system has failed them, there is a Jodi Piccoult book about it, but for me - the price for the DCs is potentially too high.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 21/10/2012 12:20

I will say though - he better stay a long way away from me and my DCs - because I may not be so reasonable if hebqas to turn up on our doorstep as half expected.

gordyslovesheep · 21/10/2012 12:21

but Holly Well's murderer is serving life in jail - so I am not sure why there are no consequences?

my abuser never faced court but I refused to let hatred towards him ruin my life - it's such a destructive force

izzywizzyisbizzy · 21/10/2012 12:23

I didn't mean him with no consequences sorry if my post wasn't clear - I meant the person who hurt my children.

TheDeathAndGlories · 21/10/2012 12:23

I wonder if sometimes they have to put so much energy into the now, grieving or caring for the hurt that by the time they have the time to be a vigilante they don't have the energy

crazynanna · 21/10/2012 12:25

izzy I still see te offender in my case walking around the area nearly 20 years later as bold as brass...and so does my dd. That is the hardest thing of all...eventhough he did initially go to jail and serve a (small) sentence,so I do really understand what you mean.

waltermittymissus · 21/10/2012 12:25

He won't spend his life in jail though gordy.

Honest, decent people put their faith in a justice system that lets them down time and time again. They do it because they are decent and have very little choice unless they want to become criminals too.

And as izzy says, much as you'd like to take matters into your own hands, if you think about the consequences you've got a lot to lose. So you're stuck watching lawyers find loopholes and over-filled prisons making it so people who shouldn't be walking the streets are free much sooner than they should be.

I understand the reasoning behind vigilantism. I just wouldn't engage in it myself. But then, thankfully, I've never had someone harm my babies!

I'm sorry for what happened to you.

squeakytoy · 21/10/2012 12:34

Ian Huntley is never likely to be released.

waltermittymissus · 21/10/2012 12:36

Ok but he's one of thousands!

There are always exceptions to the rule.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 21/10/2012 12:40

Tbf it's only because no political party will have the guys to release him that Huntley, like Hindly, will stay in jail - sod all to do with justice, and in it's own way - that too is unfair - treating them more harshly because of media pressure.

Don't get me wrong, I personally wish they would bring back hanging for people like them - but the system as it stands is not the reason they serve(d) full life sentences.

seeker · 21/10/2012 12:40

Because most people are decent human beings.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 21/10/2012 12:40

*the guys the guts

LynetteScavo · 21/10/2012 12:45

I think because most people aren't violent.

I did hear of one mother who tried to kill the person who abused her DD (after he was released from prison - it was a chance meeting). Her DH physically stopped her. She therefore felt her DH didn't feel as strongly as she did, and they eventually separated. So sad. I have no idea what I would do in the same situation.