to think that if you protect a child abuser you are also guilty of child abuse ?

[brighterfuture]

I just read an article about how someone who chose not to act on their suspicions that a friend was behaving innapropriately with children.
They were worried because it would cause problems for their friend who was well respected and problems for her in her circle of friends if she started accusations. The events had happened a long time ago.

AIBU to believe that any suspicions of child abuse should be investigated, whatever the consequences for the one who blows the whistle ?

I was abused as a child and if I felt I couldn't trust my friends not to go behind my back and report it then I would never be able to tell anyone. Luckily it isn't really an issue for me as I have no idea where my abuser is and nor do my friends. However, if my abuser had been someone close to me and I hadn't been able to tell anyone about it, I would be dead now, from suicide, for sure.

I think with cases of past abuse, the victim's need to tell someone without there being repercussions outweighs the duty to report, simply because not being able to tell anyone compounds the abuse and it quite frankly torture. I would encourage someone who confided in me to report but I wouldn't insist and I wouldn't go behind their back because I don't think it's a victim's duty to control the future of their abuser. The fact is if you report abuse you are facing a whole world of pain and difficulty and I wouldn't expect anyone who is just starting the process of dealing with abuse to face that.

It would be different of course in the case of current abuse, where the abuse would need to be reported in order to make it stop. I think in that case the damage done to the victim by going behind their back would be less than the damage done by letting them continue to be abused.

DH taught a girl, whose bf was being abused by a close family member. Though only 14, this girl reported. Her bf stopped speaking to her and I don't think they really saw each other again.

I wish we all had the strength to behave as dh's pupil did. She knew she was going to lose her best mate, but also knew that her best mate would eventually have a better life.

From my reading of the Daily Fail article to which the OP might be referring, the abuser in question is a well-known minister in the Church of England... I mean, Anne Atkins is heavily into Church of England politics and debates and really, in what other jobs these days does one get media airtime to promote celibacy or homophobia? So it's an article, essentially, I think, about how reporting abuse within church circles is still, still, still, even in this day and age and after everything that happened in the Catholic Church and with Jimmy Saville, likely to destroy your and your DH's social reputation

I dont know her dad backonceagain
She moved to the other side of the country, i am not sure where her parents live.

She is adamant that she has no intention of reporting him, she claims he has no contact with children.

I don't know anything about the current news situations this thread refers to - I am not in a very strong place right now and have deliberately stayed away from the news because of this.

But I will say that although it is not the same as abuse, failure to protect a child, or being a paedophile apologist, is unforgivable.

I told a teacher about the abuse my uncle had put me through as a child, when I was 13 (years after it had stopped). Police and social worker visited of course, as my teacher had to take it further. My mum cried... made so many excuses for her brother. Later my parents told me they'd 'had suspicions' at the time.

My uncle admitted what he did to their mother. My mum knew this. She begged me not to prosecute and made it quite clear I couldn't take it further. So I didn't.

I am as 'over' the abuse as I'll ever be - but I'll never get over the fact my mum chose him over me. I have only recently started to understand how disgusting her actions are, it has been becoming a mother myself and reading threads like these that made me realise that I didn't deserve the treatment I got.

With this long-overdue epiphany has come the realisation that if I'd told my parents instead of a teacher, nobody else would ever have been told.

I had something similar happen with my mother fuzzpig and it's destroyed our relationship, I can't ever trust her or see her as a mother figure again. Like you it took me a long time to realise just how much she let me down.

Yeah, when you're brought up in such a dysfunctional way it's hard to see it any differently. I know I've seen your name on threads like this before

I remember a year or so after I told, I found a postcard from him to my mum... I was brave and told them I was upset - I got shouted down for being selfish.

I recently found out she's still seeing him sometimes. Gutted doesn't cover it.

That must be so hard to stomach fuzz. Luckily my mother isn't in contact with my abuser at all any more but I can imagine that if she were she would do something like that too.

Yes if a person knows of child abuse and doesnt report it, I think they are just as vile as the paedophiles or abusers are. Just my point of view.