To want my BIL to move out of my house (he stays rent free)

[Hanikam]

My BIL got into some trouble nearly 3 yrs ago. He was living with my mil and fil in East London. Dropped out of college, no job, sleeping all day, out all night. He fell in with a group of coke dealers and got busted. The raid didn't find anything in their house except weed, which is such low priority the whole stash got left behind.
Anyways, long story short, only me and dh were willing to give him benefit of doubt. Dh dropped everything and put up his bail money, brought him home from Brixton Prison. He was on a tag for a few months. I got him a voluntary job at BHF charity shop. Court appearances dragged on. He was charged after a year, but was the only one from the gang given a suspended (ie non custodial) sentence which finishes in Jan 2013.

We got fed up with him moping around the house, sleeping till 3, so dh made him go for a job open day. Luckily, he got it cos the CRB check came back clean (lucky, it hadn't been updated at that time )
Now he's been working for nearly two years, been a good boy (he's 23)..... But he pays no rent, makes zero contribution to the household and is living like an unpaid lodger, not a family member.

Now, I have 3 dcs, the eldest is nearly 11 and she is starting puberty. She really needs her own room, not to be sharing with her two brothers any more.
AIBU to think BIL has outstayed his welcome, and should start standing on his own two feet?

Advice please. I want him out, tactfully! God I had no idea he'd be with us so long

Can you not just tell him that he will need to find somewhere else to live as your dd now needs a room away from the boys? That isn't rude and gets the point across.

I agree with having a deadline for your DD having her own room and tell BIL he has to make his own arrangements by then

Why does he live rent free ?

Look into house shares (as they will be his cheapest housing option being a young single guy), print some out and give him a month max - maybe tie it in to when he gets paid so he can pay the rent to move into the new place. Tell him you need the room for your DD now she is getting older, that you were happy to help him out three years ago but it's now time for a change. Most importantly get your DH to support you.

I can't believe he's been working 2 years and not paid a bean in rent! No wonder he''s happy where he is!

Well, if he wants to stay he can share with the boys, oh and he'll need to remember that it's their room so they'll be playing in it when they want. No sleeping on the sofa and it's time to start paying rent.

I suspect he'll find an alternative for himself very quickly

It's not fair on your DD so you and DH need to stop acting like mugs and give him notice. DH can help him look at flat shares / bed-sits if he's too useless to sort himself out.

Why didn't he start paying rent when he first got a job? Does he contribute towards food??

I think whether or not you needed the room for DD he's out stayed his welcome and needs a reality check - starting with him not sleeping on the sofa until whatever time, how rude! Make a start by that stopping immediately, totally unfair for a room to be out of bounds because of that, just let the kids in on him when they get up!

just tell him. There is nothing more effective than clear communication.

"You are going to have to look for somewhere else to live now. it has been three years and it is time for you to stand on your own two feet. We need you to have found somewhere by X date."

And if he argues, you reel off the massive list of ways in which he's a pain!

YANBU. He's gotta go!

I work in social housing and can tell you he is extremely unlikely to get housed, or at least not quickly. If he is young and healthy (ie no long term health conditions or disabilities) and has no dependent kids then the local authority don't have any duty to provide him with accommodation. If he is completely homeless (ie sleeping rough) they will probably refer him to a hostel. Waiting lists for flats, especially in London, are long and usually 'choice based' meaning he needs to be really organised and proactive to place bids on properties every week to have a hope of getting anything - and even then he is competing with people in greater housing need (ie ill or disabled people, those bed blocking a hostel space etc)

He really needs to get a room in a shared house - there are tons about, for all budgets, some amazing plush places and others far more 'budget'. Would be the best thing for him - ready made bunch of friends in your housemates, he could have mates round, bring a girlfriend home for the night etc all of which I guess he can't really do at your house. I'm sure you could sell these benefits to him, and also make sure he has a standing invite to tea at your house every week so he can keep in contact with your kids as I guess they are pretty attached to him. Good luck!