To have told ex dp that ds will be staying with me christmas eve overnight

[TraineeBabyCatcher]

AIBU to tell ex dp ds will spend the night with me again.
Ds is 5, ex dp has walked in and out of his life whenever he has felt like it, most times he sees ds because ds is at his grandmothers. He makes little to no effort to see him, has stopped paying and basically is being crappy. He sees ds maybe 4 times a year through choice/effort

Our relationship is amicable, I let him see ds as and when, I told him he can have him for a period of time during the day (same set up as last 3 years) .

He asked out of the blue to have him overnight Christmas eve. In my opinion he needs to be making an actual effort before he gets to do the really special bits. I did want to tell him to take a long walk of a short pier but I'm too polite and don't want to cause a rift unnecessarily. Apparently tho I'm am being unfair as I always have ds overnight.

YANBU, you can't run the risk of him letting your son down. If he wants to do the good bits then he should be there for all the other times too.

gavel

Not unreasonable in the slightest.

I mean, letting your son down again, and at such an exciting time of year for most children.

Stand your ground.

Yadnbu

No way. You are 100% right. Stick to your decision.

I want a child but I only want to do Christmas, that bit just after bath when they smell nice, the bit when they are snuggly, cuddly and warm but not sick or ill, graduation and grandchildren. AIBU? Bloody right I am.

YANBU. You have the crap, you take the joy.

Nope, no way. As the good od saying goes a dog child is not just for Christmas etc...

He is showing his absolute immaturity asking for this after only seeing him 4 times per year. I think you've been way more reasonable than you have to be already. He shouldn't get just the nice bits of having children while you put up with the rest. He sounds like an arse.

I'd be inclined to say no simply due to his lack of consistency in the past. I would not want to get my kids hopes up if he were to bail again.

You are definitely NBU. What about your son's wishes? Wouldn't he want to wake up in his own bed on Christmas morning.

He is an arse.
Just to clarify as I didn't explain very well, he does seem him more than 4 times a year, its just that the rest of the time this is purely down to him being at home when ds visits his grandparents- generally he makes no effort to interact during this time. But at best I would say he sees him 12-16 times a year- in clusters, then with big gaps- at worst it can be 4 times.

YADNBU!

Can't be bothered with his son on a mundane February afternoon but wants him for Christmas Eve! No bloody chance. God, some people are irritating.

A child is for lige -not just fro Christmas

MrsTP : I want a child but I only want to do Christmas, that bit just after bath when they smell nice, the bit when they are snuggly, cuddly and warm but not sick or ill, graduation and grandchildren. AIBU? Bloody right I am.

YANBU. You have the crap, you take the joy

BRAVO.

My son doesn't like his dad, he doesn't seem to give me a particular reason why but his first question when I arrive at his grandparents is 'is my dad here', if I say no he is pleased, if I say yes I can tell he gets anxious.
I have never said a bad word about his dad to him, I try to solve issues, I probably give him a rose tinted view on somethings just because of don't want him to feel unwanted but I think he is realising that now he is a bit older. :(

yanbu

Doha I was about to say the same thing! And traineebabycatcher YANBU at all

No way is it worth risking your son having his memories of Christmas Eve spoilt because he is with someone who doesn't make an effort. YANBU.

Maybe tell him he can come round to visit on Christmas day or something but no way your DS should have to fall in line with his halfarsed plans.

If, if, you wanted to be generous you could offer another of the Christmas period nights. But I would absolutely stick to your guns with Christmas Eve.

You're not being at all unreasonable, but it might worth discussing the possibility of DS staying with him overnight on Christmas Eve if he starts being more of an involved parent.

Oops. Missed out a few vital words.

it might worth discussing the possibility of DS staying with him overnight on Christmas Eve SOME TIME IN FUTURE if he starts being more of an involved parent.

Also if DS gets anxious about seeing his dad then.that speaks volumes, even if you did agree then DS probably would be unhappy about it. How old is DS?