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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To walk my little sister home from work?

43 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 16/10/2012 16:41

She finishes at 11:30pm. Her work place is literally at the end of my street. She lives 5 minutes round the corner.

A young woman my Uncle (who is not prone to gossip or scaremongering) knows was threatened with rape on the street my sister lives off recently. He followed her telling her what he was going to do to her Angry Sad Fortunately a relative happened to drive by and noticed her looking distressed and picked her up and drove her home.

DH does not want me to walk her home, not because he fears for my safety so has offered to walk her himself, but because it will 'interrupt' our evening and I will be 'arranging my life to sit my family again' Hmm

I would have two dogs with me, so I would be safe enough imo.

My sister's OH is unable to collect her because they have children and the distance makes getting a taxi silly.

OP posts:
HecateLarpo · 16/10/2012 21:23

The again bit makes me wonder what he's cross about. Does he feel that you run your lives round your relatives?

Are your dogs likely to attack if you were accosted? People think their dogs will, but studies have shown that dogs often don't. They get scared too! I wouldn't want you to have a false sense of security.

It's reasonable to want her to be safe, but I wonder if there's another option. Does she drive? i know it's only a couple of minutes, but the car is safer than the street.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 16/10/2012 21:31

No she doesn't drive, nor do I or DH. My terrier would protect me without a doubt. Has seen off bigger dogs for me in the past and has snarled at DH when we were play fighting and has to be locked out when work men visit while DH is out or he does his mini Rottweiler impression at them until they leave.

The bigger one would not protect me, but he barks at the slightest thing and would wake the entire neighbourhood within seconds. That is why I chose those two to take. Whippy would just run off and get herself ran over.

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InkleWinkle · 16/10/2012 21:39

I don't want to speak out of turn, but I have seen some of your other threads and TBH I think it's only an issue because of your DH & his attitude that HE doesn't want to be put out - ie if the DC need something while you're out, he'll have to deal with it
Sorry, sorry,sorry feel free to shout at me Smile

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 16/10/2012 21:55

No, you have a point Inkle. I don't feel inconvenienced at all by it, he does and would rather put himself first, as usual. I think hope he might feel a bit guilty too about letting me walk alone at that time of night, but not enough to offer to go himself.

OP posts:
socharlotte · 16/10/2012 21:59

could she cycle? Do people get mugged/raped cycling?

InkleWinkle · 16/10/2012 22:20

I think you could be right.
See, for example, if it was my sister, I would say 'look, this is the situation, so for a while I'm going to meet her & take the dogs it's not every night and me n the dogs are outside anyway.'
So I would do it but some nights DH would do it too. Just so it wasn't me every night and because he would also want to help out.
Sorry, don't mean to sound smug. In reality I hardly speak to my sister and, since our dog died recently, am usually in PJs by 9pm!

ProbablyDoingTheWrongThing · 16/10/2012 22:28

Could she use a bike ?? I wouldn't walk through town late at night but will happily cycle at all hours.

AreAllMenTheSame2 · 17/10/2012 01:58

Aww thats lovely and I would do the exact same for any of my sisters, no matter how old they were :)

Its not far out of your way as you say 5mins and you have the dogs.

flyoverthegoldenhill · 17/10/2012 08:12

As a younger sibling I would be annoyed that you were posting on here without discussing it with me. I have worked late at night and walked home much further, but as an adult developed my own strategies. Cycling is a good option. For some strange reason some elder siblings seem to thing they can tell younger ones what to do and how to live.
By the way people also get mugged and raped in broad daylight.

Paiviaso · 17/10/2012 10:17

I think this whole thing sounds silly.

Your sister, an adult, has a job only a 5 minute walk from her home.

You've unilaterally decided you will walk her home, because of some very unusual event that happened by her house, which you heard about second or third hand and do not know the circumstances behind. You walking her home involves, ironically, you walking alone for 10 minutes (albeit with 2 dogs).

DH and you are now arguing about this, despite the fact you still have not established if your sister will even welcome the gesture.

I, personally, would find it incredibly infantilising if someone insisted walking me 5 minutes to my house.

At any rate, if you want to go out for a 20min walk each night with the dogs, whatever the purpose, your DH shouldn't be moaning at you for it.

Trills · 17/10/2012 10:21

I agree that it sounds as if there is a history to the "arranging your life around your family" comment.

Does your sister even want this? Would she find it patronising/embarrassing that you thought she couldn't get herself home from work safely on her own? Or would she actually be grateful? Or would she not even notice that you are putting yourself out for her and think that you are doing it just because you fancy a chat and a walk?

PinkMilkIsMyFavouriteAndMyBest · 17/10/2012 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 17/10/2012 10:27

The arranging my life to suit her comment is based on the fact that my sister works at the same place as me and cannot or will not in his opinion swap her shifts at a moments notice to suit DH's social life. She can't do weekends which means any nights out he wants need planning in advance and if I want a drink it has to be on a school night and he has to get up the next morning with the DC, something which he has been refusing to do, even though I gave up my weekend off and swapped with a third member of staff to accommodate his football club.

My DH is pissed off that I will cover her weeknight shifts but she 'won't' as in she can't, do weekends for me.

He also dislikes the other woman who works there because she also does not think that his social life is as important as he thinks it is. And my boss, he dislikes him too, because he won't cover weekend shifts for me just as and when.

I can get the occassional Saturday night off so long as he gives me two weeks notice to arrange it.

OP posts:
Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 17/10/2012 10:29

I arrange all of my life around work, according to DH this is not normal Confused

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WilsonFrickett · 17/10/2012 10:33

If I was your sister I would be enraged by this, sorry. She isnt a child.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 17/10/2012 10:37

My sister wouldn't be enraged, she would not be especially bothered either way. If I thought she would be pissed off by it I wouldn't bother. I have known her my entire life. She would appreciate the company and adult conversation if nothing else.

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MrsRhettButler · 17/10/2012 10:47

I don't understand how it affects him tbh. While xdp and I were together if one of us needed to pop out we just would Confused I don't understand the disrupting the whole evening comment, surely you're just sitting down together watching tv/on pc etc?

YerMaw1989 · 17/10/2012 14:59

I think the main issue here is your DH.

yes, imo it does seem infantilising but your not actually doing anything wrong.

your DH however seems to resent having to look after his own kids which is selfish and wrong.

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