about competitive austerity

[ColeensRealBile]

Is it just me or does anyone else get this?

Since having DS, I've spent a fair bit of money on the usual stuff and have been known to go a bit crazy every now and again. But whenever I tell certain friends about this I get a lot of 'oh you're mad to buy that rattle, we just filled a bottle with lentils and she loved it' / 'weaning pots? are you CRAZY? We just collect all our old crunchy granola yogurt pots and use them instead' / 'what? you actually paid for your pram? We've got Sebastian's granny's vintage Silver Cross, it's so much nicer than the ones you get at Mothercare.

These people are mostly considerably better off than me, but I'm made to feel a fool and a chump (do like that word!) for spending my money when I could just be breaking out the egg cartons and sticky-backed plastic. I don't judge them for their choices but personally I love buying new things for DS. Is this a new MC thing? I get the feeling they think spending lots of money on baby stuff is a bit chavvy. Or just not the done thing in The Current Climate.

Wait till they see the Fisher Price monstrosity I'm about to order!

Oh..ok AIBU to not actually give a shiny shite and continue to spend my money on multicoloured tat as I please

I've became a bit like this over the years but I don't lecture people.

I use washable nappies. I didn't first time round, 7 years ago I dismissed the idea but over the last few years my focus and priorities have shifted.

But what I have noticed is I've been made to defend myself several times. At a baby massage group people asked about my nappies and it was a barrage of 'it can't be cheaper' 'I wouldn't have the time' 'what about the power you use washing them' and so on.

On here, more than once, I and others have been called liars for saying we feed a family for under £50 a week. I'm not lying, why would I? It's not much fun sometimes but it can be done and healthily.

I do not like the 'we're playing at being poor' type motion.

My 5 month old has got a few toys he yah given. I suppose now I'm on number 2 I'm more laid back and realise babies don't need things waved in their faces all day. I spent a fortune on baby Einstein shit for ds1. I can't even be arsed getting it out the loft this time, it's such nonsense.

As for clothes I just bought a black bag of his size stuff of a face book selling site for £20. Loads of lovely things still with tags on. I'll bag it up and sell it when he's done and look for another in his next size.

I got my all singing all dancing mamas and pappas high chair of one of those sites too for a tenner. Middle class would be paying £12 for one of those awful looking Ikea ones and telling everyone how awesome and cheap it was!

I think this is a cousin to the competitive martyrdom one occasionally sees on MN.

OP: "DH and I work the same hours but he refuses to do any housework or take responsibility for the children."

"Well my DH comes home from work and takes a dump on the living room floor. He doesn't even know our DCs names. YOU ARE LUCKY."

WTF?! Why do people compete as to who accepts the most misery?

loving the phrase 'competitive austerity'

yeah, it's a middle class thing, the joyless race to the bottom. For instance mentioning we went to [enter name of amusement park with Tesco club card points] it was commented that:

"1. Sneer sneer 'you shop at Tesco?'

1. Oh we wouldn't go to [amusement park] because of animal cruelty/distance/
2. We go to local park and pretend to be lions and all the children go home and write amazing stories and we do crafts, make our own animal masks, and ebay our own lentils..."

Spending a huge amount of money on baby crap is chavvy. Spending a sensible amount isn't. I'm one of the inherited old house brigade - asset rich, cash poor - that Lacquiter was getting her knickers in a twist about up thread, my dds and those of my friends have a comfortable mixture of new stuff, old stuff, handed on stuff, recycled stuff and home-made stuff. Just like most other families. I'm very glad I didn't spend too much when they were babies as now they are teenagers they cost a fortune.
'Competitive austerity'... op I think I do know what you mean, there were a couple of them around in antenatal classes. Sense of humour-less with lentil weaving tendencies, seemed to all work in the sort of job that's only advertised in The Guardian.

It really is bollox isn't it!

I picked up one of those Sunday Times glossy supplement things & there was a restaurant review written by AA Gill, who is always up on the weird snobby things English people do & he was saying that apparently the really haut snobs think saying stuff is organic is a bit Hyacinth Bucket now, because even Asda sells organic produce!!!!

We are the strangest country sometimes.

I think YABU, a bit.

You're telling them about buying new stuff for your baby; they're telling you about not buying stuff. You're doing the same thing- just in reverse. Perhaps from their point of view you're the one showing off?

I do all those cheapskatey things- because I enjoy it, because it strikes me as hugely wasteful to buy a load of stuff for a baby who really doesn't care about shiny and new, and because we don't have the disposable income to do so.

But I think the 'better off' thing is a red herring too. Perhaps they're saving/prioritising different things/have a massive mortgage. TBH, anyone who has any money to spend on luxuries is extremely well off compared to the majority of the world.

Oh bugger postbellum - I DO make my own yougurt. And my own purées to flavour it. But it's for fun, not for economy (plus I secretly enjoy torturing the kids by making them eat puddings with no glossy-high brand packaging )

Some people are genuine when it comes to being making their own toys and being green (they tend not to boast about it), others just do it so they have something to be sanctimonious about.

OP just nod, grimace smile and repeat "Well aren't you thrifty!" until they go away.

I agree all yours but just like someone might like talking about their latest bargain some thrifty types might enjoy talking about what they do.

I don't start conversation about it but if asked I do get a bit carried away and for some reason people do question you and challenge what you're saying more.

I have 2 friends who compete with each other like this. Its bonkers.

Just tell them that Sebastian's granny must have paid for a new pram and it would have been a damned sight more expensive, in real terms, than the one you bought for your DS.

By all means spend your money on whatever makes you happy (I, for instance like to buy clothes for my dc), but trust me that yes, plastic bottles full of lentils/sand etc usually are more successful than fisher price in the baby entertainment area!!!

My DD was invited to a party when she was 5. The entertainer was a juggler who rode a unicycle. He had another party to go to later in the day and the venue was close to where I lived so the party organisers asked me if I could give him a lift. He then proceeded to tell me all about his GREEN lifestyle: how he didn't own a car, collected all his own wood for his stove which provided all his hot water, how he didn't use the loo but crapped outside in an earth closet (this bit is true. I'm not making it up, I promise) and all the time I was thinking, "Yes, you may be eco-friendly but you're still sitting in my car burning carbon emissions, using my petrol, putting me off my lunch with an image of you pooing into a ditch".

Holier than thou people are really annoying. OP, YANBU.

It is fantastic that thrift is in. Far, far better than the bling culture of a few years ago.

There is something spiritually satisfying about not gorging yourself with plastic tat, but making do, recycling and enjoying the beauty of real craftsmanship. Plus it is better for our planet.

I do find buying lots of indiscriminate stuff for children or lots of gadgets for teens/adults quite chavvy, tbh..

You're not unreasonable, just a bit oversensitive. You're starting a conversation about all the stuff you bought, they reply by saying why they didn't buy it - it's just two people having a conversation, isn't it?

As to competitive austerity among the wretched MC: most people don't live on the breadline, at risk of starvation. But most of us do need to be sensible about how we spend our money and chose our luxuries wisely. It makes perfect sense to save money on stuff you don't really care about (like flashy baby items), so you can spend it where it really means something for your family (like a spiritual holiday to India ). But that's not competitive austerity, that's just trying to balance the budget and get the most out of your income.

Everyone likes a bargain - be it rich or poor but peoples ideas of a bargain differ.

I'm very grateful for second hand clothes and toys but I also love choosing and buying my own plastic tat/nice clothes. If I can get a discount on those then so much the better.

People just have different priorities on how they spend their money but I agree nobody should shove it down other peoples throats.

What is a weaning pot? Is that what we used to call a plastic bowl?
I don't have OP's problem. I live in Chav Central. Local folk pay out good money for things if we possibly can.

Two posh babies meet on the street, opposite ToysRUs. They turn from gazing into the window longingly to greet each other.

"Air hellair, how are you, Zachary?'

"Between you and me, I'm a leetle bit peeved, India. My handwoven babygro' is giving me gyp and this fifth hand pram they're wheeling me round in is making me a laughing stock." .

"Yair, I know, Zach. All this competitive austerity is making my gums itch. D'you know, I wanted a Fairytale Toadstool with Flashing Lights and Nursery Song Soundscape for my birthday, and mater and pater decided to make me something instead."

"Oh, don't tell me, Indy. What was it, a few painted yoghurt pots to stack and knock over?"

"Worse, Zachy. Much worse."

"Not home made salt dough? I mean, you can't even eat that!"

"Yup. Natch I totes lost it - managed to vom all over the sodding stuff (actually I did eat a bit) then finished with an epic poo that will take several washes to get out of my bamboo fibre leggings."

"Wow, respect, Indy. Perhaps they'll finally get the message."

Zach and India turn to gaze longingly across the road into the ToysRUs window.

I'm always reminded of the "Four Yorkshiremen" sketch

www.davidpbrown.co.uk/jokes/monty-python-four-yorkshiremen.html

lashingsofbingeinghere. . Spot on.....

YANBU OP, some folk are bonkers. When in hospital with DS2 the midwives were saying why waste money on baby lotion when vegetable oil will do just as well. My poor friend in the opposite bed listened to this nonsense and her newborn baby soon smelled not of lovely babyness but of last nights dinner.......

that post was hilarious lashingsofbeing

It's the ones who can least afford it that seem to spend money unnecessarily, if only to try to prove they can afford to buy new items for their children.

Friends used to run a toy library in an area with a large number of people on benefits, but it was usually the MC parents who came along to hire the toys and ultimately the people who kept the toy library going for as long as it did.