To NOT give them the gift next time I see them?

[Toomanycuppas]

We were invited to a house-warming party at our friends' adult son and fiancee's new house. Grabby invitation reads along the lines of "gifts in the way of alcohol would be welcome as we want to stock the bar". I get the huff over these types of invites so bought them a cocktail shaker in keeping with the "bar" theme. This was after hearing comments from them before the party about not wanting any of those manky sweet bottles of Tia Maria or similar, just spirits .

Anyway, we didn't end up going to the party as DH had to go away for work and by the time I got back from dropping him to the airport in 4 separate accident traffic nightmare scenario, I had a migraine and bailed.

WIBU to not bother giving the gift when I next see these people? (could be Christmas by then). DD thinks I should just give it to them but I'm still a bit miffed over the invitation and it's clouding my ability to know what's reasonable. Is it normal to be grabby like this every time you have an event these days? Oh, and by the way, when the couple in question got engaged they had the "give us money" on that invitation so I bought them some lovely electronic kitchen scales and didn't get any sort of acknowledgement. Adds to my miffedness .

I wouldn't give them anything. Cheeky articles the pair of them!

It's only polite to take a bottle if you're going to a party, so YABU to object to that. And of course they don't want a manky bottle of Tia Maria! You don't need to give them the gift if you didn't actually go.

dogrilla, definitely not objecting to taking a bottle along to a party. I live in Oz, the land of BYOG (bring your own grog) wherever you go, we adapted very quickly to that custom. And polite people even leave the bottle with the hosts if it hasn't been opened . We never leave the house without our esky full of booze.

Christ, a bottle of Vodka is way off my list of purchases here in Oz. it's bloody expensive. My dh has had to give up his whiskey drinking, as no more buy two's for £20.
Yes, don't buy them anything, cheeky buggers!

You dident go to the party so don't give them the gift

Only give them the gift if you want to get rid of it. If you'd rather, keep it and make yourself a mojito with it!

Make it their Xmas present?

Who asks for gifts for house warming or engagement parties? I dread to think what their actual wedding invite will say!

YANBU, keep it or make it their Christmas present.

I can see there thinking but it is a bit grabby to ask for house warning presents I think.

Don't give them the shaker, or save it for their Christmas!

Lots of people do bring house warming presents so perhaps they were trying to give people permission NOT to buy a gift, but to bring something everyone can share. You could have brought anything from a £5 bottle of wine to a bottle of vodka.

Also I don't understand why you would ignore the wishes of a couple who ask for something specific - even if it is cash or booze. Why buy them something they might not want?

Because they're rude?

Am I missing something here? They asked party guests to bring booze. You have no objection to taking booze to parties.

1. What are you miffed about?
2. Why did you buy them a gift that wasn't booze?
3. What on earth are you so very miffed about??

And no, don't bother giving them the gift. They didn't want it in the first place and won't be expecting anything post-party.

I must be missing something here...

I'm miffed about invitations these days stating what they want as gifts - in this case alcohol.

The alcohol was not for everyone at the party to share. It was to stock their bar, ie a bottle of spirits to be put away in their cupboard for their own use. That's why I got them something else for their bar as I don't like to be told what to bring, I think it's rude but I agree I'm BU about this.

I'm going to have to change with the times aren't I?

I am crap and gift choosing and buying so I love it when people say what they want and even more so when it's cash as acknowledge trip to cash point and sorted.

Understand that others enjoy choosing the gift as part of the joy of giving though, it's just not like that for everyone, some just like that good feeling of giving someone a gift they know they want or need.

YANBU to be a bit miffed, but as waste your money buying something they don't want, why not spend it on something they have asked you for? I'm not "grabby" but would prefer if someone didn't buy me a gift rather than buy something they knew I didn't want! If it's an occasion people would generally buy a gift for, I see nothing wrong with asking for something specific.

Oh, and we asked for money when getting married, as we didn't want to end up with 50 sets of towels and 10 toasters