Aibu in not taking medication

[PinkFairyDust]

My first Aibu so please be gentle!

Was on anti depressants for near enough two years on the highest dose possible. One morning I woke up and just had enough of taking them (this did happen a few times whilst I was on them and within a week I was back on them because I was so so low)

I went cold turkey on them about August time and have not had any since then. I have been feeling a bit up and down but I put it down to life.

A few weeks ago I went to the doctor and asked for some medication which I have been one for about a year (was given it when living over seas) he refused to give it to me stating I'm addicted to them (which I don't believe is the case I take them as and when needed) he then asked me about my anti depressants and I said I had stopped them. He looked shocked and printed out a prescription for me to start taking straight away, he did not listen to me in the slightest and just told me to take these and everything would be ok.

I have started a new job and in week four and am enjoying it most of the time. Last week however I felt very tearful and on the edge of tears for no real reason. Over the last three days I have been barely out of my room and have not spoken to people - because I don't want to. Have been in my bed watching DVDs and sleeping the entire time.

Spoke to a friend who is also on anti depressants and she told me to take them again (who knows me inside out and upside down) but I know my parents (which is silly as I am an adult) would be upset if I started talking them again.

Should I listen to my friend who knows me no doubt better then I know myself? But equally I want to prove the doctor wrong that I don't need them.

Aibu in not wanting to take them because I thought I was doing so well without the and try and ride this blip out?

Sorry for the long post, I didn't want to drip feed as it seems you all hate them I'm just utterly confused right now

The problem with going cold turkey , is that you dont know if your body is able to do the job it stopped doing which led to the depression and which the tablets have been doing , if that makes sense? So you stop your tablets and if your body doesn't do its thing you start heading backwards .

What is depression? An illness that has emotional symptoms, with a very real physical cause (imbalances in brain chemistry).

If you had diabetes, would you just try to soldier on without insulin? If you had a seriously infected cut, which was not healing of its own accord, would you decide not to take antibiotics and risk losing a limb because doing so would make you 'weak'? Of course not- it just wouldn't be sensible.

Mental illness is no different. You have a biochemical imbalance that causes you to feel sad and lacking in energy. This does not make you weak. It does not make you abnormal or weird. It is not your fault. However, fortunately there are some very good drugs available that can correct this imbalance, and allow you to live a normal life. You should therefore take them, go out, and realise your potential. You should not be stuck in your bedroom unable to face the world!!

When antidepressants work, they make you feel better. You feel that you can manage again, that you can cope with life. This is because that chemical imbalance is being corrected by the drug - it is doing its job. If you come off them, and you have been quite seriously depressed, there is every chance that you will go back to feeling crap because the underlying cause has not gone away.

Yes, some people can eventually get off the drugs - but not everyone. Some people need short-term help to get over a crisis, others need longer and more sustained support. Those in the latter group who want to be drug-free tend to face a long process that involves lifestyle changes, a great deal of work, and (usually) counselling. You may just not be at that point yet, because of things that are beyond your control. This is not your fault, just as it's not your fault that you are sick in the first place. But it does mean you need to take your drugs for a bit longer, and be prepared to stay on them for a while.

It is very, very bad for you to come off certain antidepressants suddenly. Please do not do this again. You can seriously endanger your mental and physical health with certain medications.

I do think you should try to see a more understanding GP though.

Oops posted too soon ! If you can accept that depression is physiological in its origin , and that AD's are simply a case of providing the body with a chemical which it needs , it makes it easier to accept that they are neccessary and why a staged withdrawl makes sense .

Struggling100 puts it so much better than me

OP if it makes you feel any better , it was only a proper bollocking from my oldest friend that brought me to my senses

Is it sleeping tablets or valium type tranquilisers the doctor won't give you?

I'd go back on them again, get your head together and start tapering off. It's a bit much to expect your body and mind to cope with cold turkey and a new job at the same time. If your parents can't see that, they just don't understand drugs. I would aim to spend months coming off a drug to give my body a chance to adjust.

And I also think you should build a relationship with a GP you can trust.

I agree about seeing a different GP. I'd just registered with a new practice when I realised my depression was back. When I saw the doctor he was completely lacking in empathy to the point where I had to walk out because he was upsetting me so much. My DP rang the next day and asked for an appointment with their best doctor for mental health problems. I spent the two days until my appointment crying because I really wanted to see my old doctor who was fantastic and always listened to what I had to say. My DP even had to come into the room with me for the appointment because I was scared but I had no reason to worry because she was lovely. I've found it's always worth while asking the receptionist for an appointment with whoever is the best for the problem you have. In my old practice I saw one doctor for my depression, another one for my gynea problems and another for my asthma check up.

I would find a doctor you feel more comfortable with for a start. New practice/new doctor within same practice/whatever.

As has been said above you really shouldn't go cold turkey with antidepressants, just as you shouldn't suddenly stop taking a course of antibiotics or stop taking insulin. If you don't feel they're working it could be the wrong dose, you could be on the wrong kind, but speaking to a doctor you trust should help you find a solution.

What are your triggers? And if you've stopped with the medication what else are you doing to treat/manage it?

Personally i think you need a better doctor.

I was on medication for depression from 12-16. I say on i was forced to take it. I had no choice. As soon as i turned 16 is said no more not ever. And i stopped. I didnt see another health professional about it for nearly 10 years as it was handled so badly the first time.
I managed well enough , went to uni , got my degree got a job and so on.

Anyway a few years ago i came to the conclusion that i wasnt quite right in spite of the above and finally went to see my GP. I saw a wonderful understanding woman whom i am so so grateful to as if i had had a bad experience i probably would never have gone back. We were able to discuss my options with what I wanted being the most importat -im the one who has to live with it.

I am now back on a low dosage of medication i am happy with and intend to remain on for the forseeable future. The main thing is i am ok with my treatment and dont feel threatened or bullied into anything i dont want.

Which , sorry if i am speaking out of turn , seems to be how you feel right now. If you are depressed you dont HAVE to take anything if you dont want to. You will in all probability feel much much better if you do but you do not HAVE to right now.

If i were you i would see another GP to explain the situations and discuss why you are not happy with taking ADs. I dont know about your other meds because im not a doctor and dont know what they are but i feel if you address the first issue you may get somwehere with these too.

Your medication, your choice.

However, you've said

"I felt very tearful and on the edge of tears for no real reason."
"Over the last three days I have been barely out of my room and have not spoken to people - because I don't want to."
"Have been in my bed watching DVDs and sleeping the entire time."

I don't know all of your medical circumstances but these can all be symptoms of depression, as you obviously know. You will only know if the antidepressants are going to help these things, by taking them (and waiting 2-3 weeks for them to kick in).

I think your friend is probably giving you wise advice, and if she's on ADs herself she clearly has some experience of what it's like.

Why would your parents be "upset" if you were taking them again? You don't have to tell them anything about your medical history if you don't want to. And if they don't understand what depression is, then their advice may not be what's best for you. It's your choice not theirs.

Go and see a different GP. I would take them though. As I do.

Am going to try and see a different doctor and see what they suggest.
I guess I'm feeli rubbish about the idea of going back on them, because I him needed them in a couple months, but now my life is more stable I feel more "depressed" then when I didn't have a job etc
Thank you for all the support xx

Depression can strike no matter what your circumstances, so it's possible your job situation may not have an effect on your depressive illness either way.

Good luck with seeing a different GP, let us know how you get on.

Do you feel able to make any lifestyle changes?