to think that having a work outing every week/two weeks is a bit excessive?

[Absy]

The head of my department is really into building the team, which is nice, so initially started with putting in a team event once a quarter. So far so good, despite spending 5 days a week with my colleagues, I could handle do something every three months which was not work related (though some of them I'd prefer never to see, but you can't choose these things).

Then, it started being the occassional drinks. And then more than occassional drinks and now, last week there were drinks, there's a lunch this week, a dinner next week and so on. If you do make excuses, the boss is a bit about it all and makes sarcastic comments when you do come along "oh, you decided to grace us with your presence" type of thing. Thing is as well, it's not like everyone in the team is young, free and single. At least half have children (including the boss who has a newborn) and even so, it is nice to have a life outside of work.

AIBU thinking this is way, WAY too much?

I had this when my DC were small. My boss took me to one side and said that a senior manager had complained I wasn't supporting the team by declining an offer to go to the pub after work.
I explained that outside of work hours I had another team, my family, and whilst I had no problem with work related travel (job involved quite a bit of overseas travel) when I was off duty, I would give priority to my 'home team'.

Both those managers are now divorced.

I can't be doing with this'letting the team down' stuff. I found it quite interesting that once some of my colleagues started having children they came and apologised to me for judging me previously as they now understood my position...

Boss is actually married, with DCs. I have no idea HOW his DW copes with him being out all the time. I would be spectacularly unimpressed if DH socialised at the same level. I would kind of understand it a bit more if he was single and out and about.

I think he might get upset when we say no, we have other commitments as it is kind of saying "we have a life outside work, you erm, don't seem to".

Anyway, I'm going to keep saying no and if it gets to be an issue, then I'll have a list of reasons why I don't want to spend so much free time with colleagues.

I wasn't supporting the team by declining an offer to go to the pub after work.

That is spectacularly bonkers. And I am someone who would live in the pub if I could. Seriously, what kind of alchemy do these people think happens in the pub?

i agree with Numberlock no need to explain to any boss what you do in your own time

I used to work for a boss like this. I think he liked having an excuse to go and get pissed on the company's money.

The fact is they can't insist you do work-related activities in your spare time or make you pay for them - I would start writing everything down and pursue the bullying angle.

Can you explain along the lines of whatdoiknow?

it is way too much and it's not team bonding it's a piss-up because he doesn't want to go home.

Do you think it will effect your work opportunities/environment? If not personally I'd go to during the day things a max of once a week and outside things a max of once a month. I'd also counter "will you be gracing us with your presence" with "no I'm gracing the kids with my presence tonight" but this is all only in the context of it not effecting my job.

You won't be the only one feeling like this. Before kids I would have bern avoiding this!

Yanbu! Sounds horrific! I worked at a place once where it was frowned on not to go on works evenings out but those were only twice a year (and I resented going on those, too).

YANBU. I'd imagine you're not the only one finding it a bit much. Maybe a few of you should get together and tackle the whole thing. I wouldn't use a sexual discrimination angle though. The point you should be getting across is that this sort of thing wouldn't suit lots of people, not simply women with children.

The odd night out with everyone from work is fine and can be a bit of fun. But it's important to have a busy life outside of work and keep work issues in perspective.