to avoid having MIL for Xmas day?

[kerpob]

I know it's early for this - sorry! PIL got divorced this year. FIL just rang DH warning us "not to allow MIL to be on her own for Xmas day". We have two children with SNs. MIL when she comes to see us (about once/twice per year at most) is an absolute hindrance and gives no help whatsoever. She is very stressful to be around. On the other hand she is quite down after events of this year. She lives in another part of UK so if she came would be here for several days and not just a few hours. AIBU to think it's rich for FIL to lecture us about what we should be doing when he is absolving self from all responsibility for her? (divorce due to his infidelity btw).

Hmm, think you're going to have to be the bigger person here and have her. But invite her for say 3 days (or whatever you feel you can cope with!) as you are going away or whatever after that, so she can't extend it. Then make your life easy - buy ready made Xmas pud/starters etc and make cooking as easy as poss :) And yes, def plan things to do while she's there as it's dull all sitting around the house. she may well be dreading xmas this year if it's her first on her own for years.... am sure she will be v grateful.

Well, do host her but don't bite your tongues so much. She'll never stop being unhelpful/insensitive without some prompting.

And FIL sounds charming.

she has options. people reap what they soww. if she had been a help last time, you had not had to bite you tongues and she had buggered off after a couple of days you would not be so bothered would you.

We have a similar issue (but in reverse - we're in the UK, MIL is in Ireland). Last year she came for a WEEK. It was awful. She and my husband sniped at one another, it was all rather awkward and I was resentful that a week of my precious 5 weeks of annual leave was ruined.

This year, she should be going to BIL's. But they have decided to go on holiday over Xmas. Grrrr. I don't want her to be alone, so am happy to invite her, but it needs to be for a substantially shorter trip this time round.

she has options. people reap what they soww. if she had been a help last time, you had not had to bite you tongues and she had buggered off after a couple of days you would not be so bothered would you

Charming. What "options" does she have, as a matter of interest?

My MIL can be a bit of a PITA too: she arrives, sits in chair, does fuck all, looks bored for days (doesn't want to do anything that's suggested), then leaves.

Last year I tried a new tact, and when she looked bored I handed her the spouts and a knife, and when for the millionth time when we were busy with dinner and DS, she sighed 'oh I don't half fancy a cup of tea' we said 'that would be nice, do us one while you're up will you' ;-) I also handed her four dishes and told her to wave them over the water in the sink if she was going that way (not one offer of help when we cooked, washed up, etc etc so I was determined she would do something, however little, it was, after all, our break too). So in a roundabout way, if you do have her, try asking her to help, you never know, she may just not know how to help or what you want her to do. Might even help her take her mind off things. Good luck!

Thanks all...will brace myself and just get on with it....:)

I like mycarhasbrokendown's approach

can she stay in a hotel or book her a trip to america