to wonder if the concept of a 'yummy mummy' is a feminist issue, a class issue or just my issue

[IveNoIntentionOfMakingCupcakes]

Yesterday, I met a father who made a comment about me being a 'yummy mummy'. At the time I smiled, was slightly embarrassed and also slightly irritated but I wasn't all that sure why?

Maybe it was just because he was a smarmy git but maybe it was something more. I have only ever heard the term used to imply that a woman is attractive and/or that a woman is middle class. It seems to me that the whole concept of 'yummy mummies' implies that there is also a group that are not 'yummy' and that's quite insulting really. AIBU?

The nanny and I used to call one Dad "Mr Legs". He was in pretty good shape, but he was a tall runner, and basically would drop the kids off wearing these VERY short running shorts that sort of revealed a glimpse of windswept arse cheeks as he walked.

PS I'm not really too fussed what anyone calls me, I quite like a bit of banter, and I presume people ARE going to judge others, it's human nature. Long as I'm feeling confident then it's all cool.

worraliberty - yes, that's what I think too! I don't have the time or the inclination to be super well dressed or groomed (just if I had time, there are other things I'd really want to do more) - but if someone else has the time/looks the part, that's okay, isn't it? Why would it not be? They might not want to do things I like, but that's OK!

I do think women are in a daft circus of paranoia sometimes - 'someone is different to me and must think they are superior and must be judging me for not being like them SO I WILL GET IN THERE FIRST AND JUDGE THEM THUS MAKING MYSELF SUPERIOR BUT NOT A BITCH BECAUSE THEY WERE DOING IT TO ME FIRST!!!!'

@ wheresmespecs. Good point there. If you're confident in yourself, it really shouldn't affect you how other women dress etc.

OP - just re-reading your post, I think YANBU to feel irritated.

Sounds a bit hippyish, but I think we are good at picking up signals as to whether or not someone is sort of coming from a position of hostility/being condescending/A CUNTWEASEL? So we can pick up "negative energy" without actually being able to put out finger on it? And it doesn't make us paranoid or unreasonable to be able to say someone is "off" or sending us "bad vibes" without having any evidence for it?

I mean was just chatting with my chap about an encounter I had with a private dentist when I was younger, and saying how he wasn't actually directly saying anything insulting, but just the whole "tone" of the conversation was making me uncomfortable.

As in, he was being creepy and unsettling in such a way that I couldn't directly put my finger on it, but the way and the context in which he was framing certain questions/comments made me walk out thinking .

It's really sneery, imo. I don't like it at all.

People understand many different things by this expression it turns out so hard to make a judgement about the person who said it.

In my book it's a mother who doesn't work and spends all her time lunching, going to the gym, buying expensive clothes and having endless beauty and hair appointments.

Yes, that's pretty much what it means round here. And not just that as a fact of someone's life, but that in a sneery way . It's certainly not a compliment. That's for sure!

oh. I hope it was clear that the was at the meaning of it round here that it's as you describe but in a sneery way. and it didn't come across like I was saying you're sneery!!!

Not sure about yummy mummy to be honest.

However I got called a MILF the other day.

I'm 21 and have no children.

Ok, here's my two pence worth

In the 80s the phrase was yuppi (Young UPwardly mobile Person with Income. Couples were dinkies, double income no kids yet)

The phrase was first used to describe celeb mothers who didn't work and had the time for looking good and going to lunch etc. they would also appear at the school gates with beautifully hand crafted Easter bonnets for dahling Araminta type thing. The epitome of the stereotype would live in Chelsea and drive a 4 wd around town while hubby worked in the city and drove a Beemer for work and a sports car at weekends.

As with all media stereotyping there are a number of issues with the phrase.

It is infantile language which makes women seem less adult than men.
It carries connotations of class, color, area of the UK etc so it raises ALL of those issues.
It classifies/segregates one sub section of the population so is both judgemental and divisive.
It was originally a term applied by men about women with the intention judging them.

It also seems to have inspired a stream of chic lit written by media types who try to be entertaining about being "one of the people" as they write about being ditzy and cooky but charming as they fail to be a yummy mummy but still get their man.

Charlotte from SITC or the red head from Desperate Housewives would be yummy mummies. Susan in Desperate would be the ditzy media hack who wrote a book to show how real she was and understanding of the common people.

For all of these reasons it is an utterly boak worthy term.

It's not any kind of issue. It's just a form of shorthand invented by journalists that other people have picked up on.

I really couldn't give a flying fuck about what the yummies think of my appearance. One asked me once if I'd had my eyes LASERed because I was wearing my contact lenses instead of my glasses, so my appearance had obviously been clocked.

See I think things like that are more about self confidence...or lack of it.

If she'd said that to me, I would have thought she was just making polite conversation.

And unless she was blind, of course she 'clocked' your appearance as you put it.

After thinking about it, I think it's just one of them, it depends what sense it's used in.

Like 'princess'. Love it when my stepdad says I'm 'his little princess', if any other man did we'd have to have words.

I'd rather be a yummy mummy than a milf, not comfortable with that turn of phrase at all

It seems like it's a phrase that is used as a compliment about an individual but often devisive and undermining when used about a group.

As it happens, in one way I fit the stereotype; I am middle class and a SAHM, but I am also skint, wear old clothes and, with a newborn and a toddler, I don't do much grooming. Like most people, regardless of parental status, I have good days and bad days. I'm pretty confident but I certainly don't think I am any better or any worse than anyone else. Please don't shout at me for any of this, it's neither self-congratulating nor self-pity, it's just the back-story to my original post...I still think it's a rubbish phrase -probably more than ever now - but have been reading your thoughts with much interest.

Those saying that it's just a kind of short-hand are pretty much hitting the nail on the head for WHY it's an issue. Cos stereotyping is short hand and lazy, so it relies on commonly perceived views. ie, MOST mums let themselves go, look grubby etc. Therefore those who don't are 'yummy mummies'.

There is lots more to this phrase than that one aspect, but that is WHY such stereotypes need to be challenged.

"...driving badly in huge unnecessary cars etc..."

Wonder what an unnecessary car is?

I hate that expression. It makes me think of dyed blonde airheads in 4x4s who put their name on waiting lists for designer handbags that cost £1,000s and dress up to go to Tesco.

A Range Rover is unnecessary, a Golf could do the same job.

I find it a naff expression, especially when people use it about themselves. At least he didn't say you were a MILF...

I got called a MILF outside Asda by a group of lads

Do people really use it about themselves? That's just strange...

yanbu i hate it

what's a MILF?

MILF is mother I'd like to f**k

I'd rather be known as a MILF than a Yummy Mummy.

Why? That sounds like an odd thing to say. They are both pretty disparaging, but I would have thought that was even worse.