to think that you should supervise your toddler child in the park rather than stand and have a smoke

[xxxresixxx]

As above. Mother with DD who was about 2.5. Mother stood at far side of park having a chat and smoke with friend completely oblivious to what her DD was doing. DD was other side of park playing. When my DS who is 20 months approached her dd, the dd grabbed my DS and sink her teeth into his ear (only not his face because DS turned his head). DS inconsolable with still visible one hour later bite marks on his ear. Woman didn't notice and only reason I know who the child mother was was because I tools the child to tel me who mummy was and matches over. I told her what happened and the response was a shrug and a comment about all toddlers biting before saying to the little girl that she had told her not to bite. I may have given a piece of my mind about the quality of her parenting/duty to supervise her young (and berry child) and the fact anyone could have walked off with her DS and she wouldn't have noticed. I got told to fuck off which didn't surprise me but Aibu?

YABU, it happens. Kids do bite sometimes.

How come you didnt manage to stop the incident?

yanbu at being upset that child got hurt,
but yabu for bringing smoking into it

I didn't expect a child to just walk up with no previous interaction and just bite. Initially I thought she was going to give him a kiss as she walked up smiling. I was holding his hand at the time and intervened as soon as I realised she wasnt kissing.

I would of told you to fuck off to. I am most def not a helicopter parent urgh.

She should have: 1)been watching her child like a hawk (because she knows she has a biter) 2) apologised profusely 3) made her child feel the consequences of her action: "If you can't play nicely, you have to go home (or at least sit down for 3 mins)".

People like this give smokers a bad name.

I don't smoke, but hovering over a toddler in a playground is fairly boring. It's difficult to know if she was what I would consider to be too far away, but if I had a friend to chat to whilst supervising toddler play, I would welcome the distraction! & I'm sorry for your DS that he got bitten, but it probably couldn't have been helped either way.

YANBU OP, and actually I am glad you gave her a piece of your mind. I don't know what i would do, but I have had a few mum friends with toddlers come back upset from playground/soft play because some unsupervised and out of control child has done something fucking horrible to their DC - and the mother has just not given a shit, and the parents of the injured toddler have just been too polite or scared to say anything.

Toddler 'attacks' do happen - but it is remarkable how much more often they happen when they are just running around unsupervised and unchecked.

The same parents who give you the 'shrug' and 'it's your problem, get over it' attitude when their DC behave badly are the same parents who are a royal pain in the arse for teachers, btw. They just don't take responsibility for their children.

I would've apologised profusely about the biting though, & at least made sure my child saw me doing so & that they realised that it was Not Okay. But after a lecture from you, my patience would be running out.

If you "gave me a piece of [your] mind" about my parenting after I'd already told my child off, you would probably have gotten a fuck off from me too.

Regardless of whether the mother could have stopped her child biting another child, it is simple manners to look sorry and concerned if another mother brings to your attention that her own child is bawling because your child has just bit them. You do not just shrug and look totally dis-interested and 'couldn't care less' which is what seems to have happened. I gather that is what really annoyed the OP who then lost it a bit and gave the woman a piece of her mind. Her rudeness not the fact that her child was a biter.

I too think you are a helicopter parent and YABU

I agree clara. It hacks me off when parents shrug when their little darling bites/punches/shoves over another child.

I watched one (ok it was a nanny with her and not the mum) child fall off the top of a climbing frame as the nanny stood texting. She looked around (waaaaaaahhhhhh BANG waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh) then tutted loudly, checked the childs clothes for damage and told her to stop crying. That type of thing upset me as the child was too small to snitch on the nanny when she got home.

Who says 'all kids bite'? No they don't. I would deffo apologise if DS hurt another child - ok so I'd be pissed if someone started on me about my parenting and probably tell them to back off.

I wouldn't swear at the other mum though (tempting as it may be) in front of the kids. People are so agressive these days (wonders where the kids pick it up)...

OP wouldn't have criticised the other mother if she had got a decent apology to start with.

Saying "I told you not to bite" after something like this is terrible parenting, I think.

I agree the other mum should have been a bit more apologetic, but, if someone 'marched' over to me (and I imagine you had a face on you like a bulldog with thrush) then tbh my back would be up straightaway so I wouldnt really feel in a very 'sorry' mood.

True. You can tell a child until you are blue in the face not to/to do something, and it won't make a scrap of difference.

also OP, Im confused, in your OP you mention your DS walked up to her, and in your recent post, she walked up to your DS smiling.

Which was it?

IO don't think she needs to follow her around the park unless she is prone to hurting others. Mother should be observing her DD though and should have intervened when the bite happened.

She should have been apologetic

Crossroads perhaps, being in the playground, both children were moving?

I am about as far away from a helicopter parent as it is possible to be, but if I knew I had a biter, there is no way I would be standing outside the playground. YANBU.

He was walking towards her direction and she began walking towards him. I'm no helicopter parent either but I do stand where he can at least see me and I can see him. guess ill just chalk this up as an experience to learn from...

Jeez 'Helicopter parent' is bandished around on here like it is a dirty phrase. The OP's DS is 20 months where do you expect her to be if not near by. I admit it...my DD is 18 months and I stay close to her in the park as she is pretty fearless and would jump, regardless, off most things. I would say as a parent of a 1 year old, like the OP it is pretty reasonable of me!

YANBU, DS was a biter at 2.5 so I followed him, intercepted quickly. I saw it is my responsibility because IT IS to try and do as much as possible to prevent your child from hurting another, especially when you can because you are with them. You don't sod off to the other side of what sounds like a large park to have a fag! It really fucks me off when others abstain from responsibility in the park and you have a violent kid, if it's a case of you have a biter do something about it- I for one don't want to deal with it. At the very least apologise.

I personally wouldn't chalk up anything based on this thread OP.

You show a child how to be kind, how to be nice and IME it does work. DD started to bite my DS at 13 months, we showed her how to be nice, stroking not biting, stroking not biting etc. it worked and she doesn't do it anymore. You don't need to always say, don't do this dont do that!

I'd rather see a helicopter parent than one who takes little interest in what the little darlings are up to. Today I saw one child break the top off a tv aerial in a cafe (it was on a table next to the tv where they show sports) and another pull the fire alarm. Neither mum was watching what the kids were up to.