To think this is shoddy behaviour from a friend?

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

I am 22 wks preg. I am recovering from a rather nasty bout of pneumonia (week in hospital - lucky to still be pregnant etc). One of my friends has not contacted me AT ALL since I was admitted to hospital. I have been out about 6 weeks now.

She bumped into my DH (we live quite close) and said "yeah I'm just letting her get on with it, I'll see her when she's better"

I saw her today for coffee. She mentioned another friend of hers who's toddler DD is just out of hospital with meningitis. She said a similar thing to me about her "I'll just get in touch when everything's better"

AIBU to think this is a bit shoddy? Surely times of illness/crisis are times when you need the support of your friends the most? I'm not expecting a large bouquet of flowers and a card but a bloody text would have been nice!

Just to point out she considers herself such a good friend she has asked me to be her bridesmaid next yr.....

Ah ok, if you're not good friends anyway, yet she's asked you to be a bridesmaid, that suggests she only likes to operate friendships on quite a distant and superficial level. No messy sharing of feelings or supporting each other. Just polite chats over coffee.

That to her is a perfectly good friendship.

It's crap though. And pointless. At least it would be to me.

Ditch her .

I think that behaviour is disgraceful and selfish. Dump her. Besides, think of the money you'll save if you're not her bridesmaid!

Glad you've pulled through. You deserve better from a friend.

IcouldstillbeJoseph no, it is shoddy.

I think your friend may be the same person as my friend!

I had held her hand thru literally countless 'dramas' - boyfriend crises, parents being mean to her, rows with her sisters, genuine dramas like divorce - and then DH was made redundant, I picked up the phone for the first time in our rel'ship to say "I really will need your support over the next few months". She agreed. She never mentioned it to me again, and when I brought up the topic she would say, "mmmm, it's really tough" and change the subject... back to herself.

actually dealing with sick people is a minefield. its quite hard to do/say the right thing. She might have assumed you were overwhelmed with well wishers and thought it was easier to let you be. I don't assume friends want to see me when they are ill.

Perhaps she thinks she might catch it?

There is nothing like a serious illness to make you realise who your friends are.

I once had septaecemia, was really ill in hospital for weeks. The only contact I had with my 'best friend' of 12 years was a text inviting me on a night out. She knew I was seriously ill, didn't visit at all. I spent 12 years helping her with all her various minor dramas. But when it really mattered she wasn't there for me.

You then have people that you don't know very well who put themselves out for you. They are the 'keepers'. Friendship is a two way street.

YANBU, and just be grateful she's not your best friend!

I went through a very difficult time earlier this year. Some people were very good about contacting me, calling in, offering lifts etc. Others held back and seemed to think that 'giving someone space' is the best thing to do. I think you just have to try and not take it personally. If someone is normally a good friend then they probably genuinely think they're doing the right thing by keeping out of your way until you feel a bit better.