..To Think My DP Needs to Grow a F***ing Pair

[TheLazyGirl]

DP used to be quite ballsy, it's what attracted me to him in the first place.

But as he's got older, he's seems to be quite happy to let this ballsiness slide.

Now, I'm not suggesting that he should be first to shout and get angry or put the world to rights day in day out over minor issues. But there are sometimes when, frankly, I wish he'd re-grow a pair of balls and say enough is enough.

Take our Landlord. He's private, no rental tenants association, nothing. His whole family know everyone within the council, so when, after 2 years of having enough I contacted environmental health about the appalling conditions in our house, we got a snarling call and abuse from him and his wife as the Environmental Health lot knew him and had grassed us up. (To be helpful, you understand. Or that's what we were told when we complained and got precisely nowhere).

Yet again, our heating system has packed up. We've lived here for nearly 3 years now, and it dies every couple of months. We have two different boilers, both look near on as old as me. The British Gas told him they need replacing, he ignored them and got a parts person to tinker and fix it. It is absolutely freezing in our house. We rang him at 12pm yesterday, he came out, agreed it was buggered again, and off he went, saying he would get someone to fix it that evening.

By 7.30pm, no sign of gas person. So, DP rings the Landlord, who says he wont be out until after 9.30am this morning. So, basically what has happened is, Landlord has rang, doesn't want to pay emergency fee so has just booked it as a non-peak call out time job. Leaving us to freeze.

At this point, I was ready to go ape at him, but DP told me to shut up and let him handle it. By which I e#mean roll over like a fucking puppy and do as the Landlord says.

We are stuck in a hole of a house with holes in the floors, antiquated heating systems that cost us £120 a month, windows that we've had to superglue shut, and god knows how many other issues. We can't afford to move and our local council (the one his family helps run) isn't seeing us a priority as he wont give us an eviction notice as it would cost him to get us out through the courts (that's the way the housing works here, or you are intentionally homeless). We are screwed.

Yes, but I have a hunch that's because at 7.30 last night the OP had flames shooting from her ears, and having a screaming row with the LL wasn't going to make a heating engineer appear any faster.

I'm afraid I know little about private lets, but I can see this is a terrible situation. If the OP has her rent subsidised/paid in full by a LA wouldn't they have an interest in knowing that she's in a house with DC, a condemned boiler and windows sealed shut.

where do you live? maybe some mnetters would know of cheap accommodation?

Has the boiler been condemned or does it just keep shutting down because of a faulty part? big difference.
When was the last safety check? Should be once a year.

Pay half rent, send him a letter saying as you have no heating you are not paying the full rent.

sashh good way to get yourself evicted.

If this is a rental than the landlord will have a gas safety certificate so the boiler cannot need condemning.

Waiting overnight for a gas engineer is not excessive and i would love to only pay £120 per month on my heating bill. My boiler is not very old and i pay alot more than that per month.

If you and your DH aren't particularly tied to that area through employment, have you thought about moving to a cheaper area where you'd get more for your money?

Does your landlord do an annual gas safety check? You try making a nuisance of yourself, asking for repairs, copies of certificates etc. That might prompt an eviction notice!

Why not give the Shelter helpline a ring to discuss the landlord problems:

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/repairs_and_bad_conditions/disrepair_in_rented_accommodation/what_is_disrepair

I think YABVU to expect IMMEDIATE or same day repair of heating. I pay into a very expensive contract and I still would only get next day call out if I was lucky

Your problem should be with the landlord not your DP

I know, probably a bit harsh on DP. I just wish sometimes he'd get over his current hippie phase and get a bit more shouty!

The LL is useless, utterly useless. He made a lot of promises when we moved in (DP knew him previously as a cab driver, he used to get us over to he hospital in an emergency when DS was prem, so knew we had tough stuff going on anyway). None of it's ever been done. We had stairs which the banister used to wobble, to the point it fell off in one big lump, leaving the landing exposed (not good with an at the time 3 year old and 18 month old), in the end we fixed it ourselves with the help of a mate. We have replastered walls, done everything we can. All the while he asks us to give him receipts and never pays us anything back- we gave up asking in the end.
He also promised us a new carpet (ours is at least 30 years old and disgusting). He then said he would up our rent from £925 to £1,200 if he did.

He sounds like a nightmare, and I understand not being able to just up and move, it's not that easy if the council state that you need eviction or they'll stop HB.

Is there anyone higher within the council you could speak to? What about your local MP, do they have a drop in session you could attend?

You have to find a way to move. Even if it is to a smaller place for a while. It sounds like awful living conditions.

British Gas will condemn a boiler if its beyond help I believe OP.

That's not true. They only condemn if it is dangerous. Not beyond their help.

Leave the bastard.

It's clearly his fault the heating isn't working, you can't afford to move and the l/lord is in cahoots with the council staff.

Horrible expression in your OP. sorry, it pisses me off.

He shouldn't be telling you to shut up.

YABU for abdicating responsibility for things in your life that matter to everyone but yourself.

As for the boiler, if it has a gas safety certificate, then its probably worth repairing. British Gas says every boiler they see ideally needs replaced, because theres more money in that for them. Theres such a tendency to throw things away rather than fix them. So I would say it depends on it having a gas safety certificate issued within the last year, if so, then I doubt it would need replaced that quickly, without trying to repair it first.

Easy solutions to your problem: buy a small electric heater for £15.99 from Tesco, to ensure you don't freeze. Wear warm clothes. Use a blanket. This is what I do, in winter, to keep warm in my own house, as its too expensive to have the heating on all the time. In the long term, move to somewhere with better conditions. Do what it takes to facilitate that.

"Abdicating Responsibility"? In what way? The LL is such that, whenever I answer the phone, he immediately asks to speak to my other half, he wont deal with me at all (I put this down to his ethnic group, as his wife never deals with anything, we tried to hand her our rent when he was out and she said she "wasn't allowed" to accept it, even just to hand it straight to him).

We are trying to move, we have tried to save money but its hard- tight budget, high gas and electric costs, kids always needing something paying for. As I said, I am trying to get a job, but its not easy after time out.

The reason I would expect him to get it fixed quick as he knows someone who fixes them, that's who he got the last few times. They are Corgi registered, but a friend of the family, and so whilst he charges, he probably doesn't charge as much as he should. British Gas came out due to a leak from the boiler.

BTW, LL's father worked for the council for a number of years until he retired two years ago. His daughter now works there too- they are highly respected in their community, and seem to know everyone. His brother owns next door, also have had British Gas out for leaks. Both are useless.
The other issue is with the council, like anywhere round the country, there simply are no properties available, and no budget to build either. There were thousands on the register last year, many in bedsit or hotel accommodation, but only 160 people were housed. So, us with our LL and issues, which we now feel we can't back up with help from Environmental Health, no eviction notice etc, are very, very low down on the priority list.

In an ideal world, of course, we'd own our home, but it's simply never going to happen, unless I win the lottery or discover a long lost relative has died and decided to leave me money. Unlikely!

The thing is, I do get peed off with other half. He used to stick up for himself (and me) more. Having children six years into our relationship has mellowed him a great deal, so whilst I'm still like "lemme at 'em" taking the world on, he's more likely to sit back and hope it all gets sorted. The cold just wrecks stuff, it irritates my arthritis in my fingers and knees, which makes them hurt and makes me miserable. It also upsets my son who has asthma, and its just not a nice situation to be in. I never wanted my kids in the cold, in a damp horrid house, purely because that was how I grew up- we had to move upstairs as a kid as my parent's couldn't afford to heat the whole house with the old smelly storage heaters we had- I remember it being so cold the windows would ice over. It was a very hard existence and I don't ever want my two to feel about their upbringing as I did. Which yes, is probably some sort of neurotic parenting thing. To me, its just wanting them to grow up happy. And warm. And know to stand up for themselves.

Stop paying the rent and use the money to fix the boiler. Or not. But he will give you an eviction notice when you don't pay.

Sounds like you could do with some cohones as well.

Stopping paying the rent is a last resort - I think that is quite poor advice. As a tenant, you do have a number of rights which will stand you well if you proceed through the courts. If you stop paying your rent, the law shifts and you are breaching your tenancy agreement. This could affect your credit rating/references etc and will bite you in the arse later.

Actually - Do you have a tenancy agreement?

We have one of sorts- half an A4 page.

In an ideal world, we'd stop paying rent, but the minute you do that, you are "intentionally homeless" and can be kicked out pretty swiftly now too- the laws changed a while back. If the LL has no reasonable grounds against a tenant, just wants their home back, it can take upto 9 months to get them out. You have to serve an eviction notice, then get a court eviction notice, then a Baliff order as well. However, if you have a non rent paying, noisy or down right crappy tenant who breaks your tenancy agreement (and even then you have to give written warnings), they can now fast track it all, and get you out a lot lot quicker.

Your local council will have a fraud investigation department. Contact with them is confidential, and I'm sure they would be interested in the nepotism at your local council.

This doesn't help your housing situation at all but might make you feel better. I would second calling Shelter as they may have advice that will help you.

I do not blame you at all for the way you feel. If my kids were in a damp cold house I would be as mad as hell. People posting that you are being unreasonable should consider how they would cope in your circumstances.

Thanks SofaKing- I have contacted Shelter, waiting for an email appointment.