to think he isn't tight

[MrsKeithRichards]

My brother in law has pissed me off. He's a decent guy but a dick with a drink.

We were at a family wedding. Dh and I, my mum and dad and 2 of my sisters and my 2 brother in laws. I was part of the wedding party as well so floating about a lot. Dh does not drink. They all do. Dh was getting me drinks and the odd soft drink. Brother in law offers to buy me a drink and I politely decline. I don't want to get into rounds where I'm not in the same company all evening, when it's couples and I'm a lone drinker. From past experience we've always worked it like this.

But bil starts calling my dh tight for not buying a round. Dh had a grand total of 2 cokes all night and I was buying my own and had drinks scattered about various tables. Bil is like a dog with a bone, my dad actually had to have a word with him. Tight would be accepting people's offers of drinks and not buying back.

He's really fucked me off. He treats dh and I like stupid kids, we're about 13 years younger than him. Aibu to think dh and I weren't being tight, are under on obligation to buy a £35 round even though we're not drinking in rounds (which is half our disposable weekly income FWIW) and that he's a dick and needs publicly pulled up for his behaviour?

Nope. Your DH isn't tight at all. I would feel bad if I was in a round with someone that was on soft drinks. In our local, a coke is about £1. A large wine is about £5 so it'd be bonkers to be in a round with a non-drinker.

Was a really expensive hotel, the bride and I had some miniatures in she bridal room! A gin was £6.50!

Your bil sounds like a bully

Winter I think he is to be honest. He treats my other sister and bil with all due respect, I think because of the age gap he treats us like Muppets.

He's called me on many occasions, a daft wee girl (I'm 29!!!) and never takes my dh seriously.

The problem's with him not you or your DH, but you know that.

It's good other people like your dad can see what he's like and tried to fend him off.

at £6.50 for a gin.

Does your DH intimidate him in some way, like has he got a shit hot job which makes your BIL feel he's got to take him down a peg or two to make himself look/feel better?

No not really. Bil is physically a big guy, both are in manual trades but everything dh has done bil has done it bigger and better and before. Apart from the important stuff like buying a house, gettin married or having kids!

I just wanted to check drinking etiquette really. My mates and I don't do rounds really.

he sounds like a dickhead

i would reply the the 'daft wee girl' comment with 'stupid old cunt fool'

This is the very reason why I HATE doing rounds. You end up feeling pressurised to drink and spend at the pace of others. My DH and I prefer doing our own thing (for the most part).
I was called tight by my friends when I didn't want to do rounds when I was out with friends when I was 6months pregnant and drinking soft drinks!!! How is that tight???

It looks like your BiL wanted your non-drinking DH to subsidise his heavy drinking and then became abusive when your DH refused. Of course you and your DH are not tight.

YANBU. BiL is a twat.

I am generally a rounds drinker (it's just the way it is in my family/friendship group/ work) but if someone doesn't want to be included I just don't ask again - it's twatty to do what your BIL did.

Yeah that's how I thought it'd work. Tight would be going in a round and leaving before it's your turn!

Why do you care what your BIL thinks? He's already shown he has form for being a bully and a twat. Why does his opinion of whether you're tight or not matter to you in the least?

Laugh in his face the next time he says something so ridiculous to you. You can't win against a manipulator like this, if you try to explain yourself he will just continue to walk all over you. So you look him in the eye and say "that's funny" and laugh. Then walk away.

People can only treat you like shit if you let them. Every time you feel like a muppet because he treats you like one, you go once more round the spiral and he gets to intimidate you and treat you like children again. Don't give him permission to make you feel like a muppet, stand tall and carry yourself with the confidence and knowledge that you are a sensible adult and he's a bully and a twat.

I'd generally "do" rounds, but if someone doesn't want to then fair enough. I think that's pretty normal ettiquette.
Your BIL is an arse. Next time he behaves like a twat, give him an eyes-glazed-over-with-boredom- "polite"-smile and talk to someone else. Turn your back on him (literally) if you can. Or laugh at him. Don't get drawn into a discussion, just treat him like you would a toddler wanting to avoid bed-time. No discussion!

Nope Bil is a twat

My OH doesnt drink either so we don't do rounds either

Your BIL is likely the tight bastard in the round who would buy a round when numbers are smallest, and increase his drinks order when he's not buying!

Arsehole.

"everything dh has done bil has done it bigger and better and before"
Ah, he's that "type".

And anyone who called me a 'daft wee girl' would be singing falsetto afterwards. But on reflection I'd go with VinegarTits suggestion to respond that he is a 'daft oldcunt fool'. Said patronisingly enough, he should get the message.

God I hate people like your BIL.