mealtimes

[davyatsea]

Here's one that I think will provoke some debate. DS, aged seven is fussy about his food to say the least. He doesn't like our choice of food at tea time despite trying to offer a varied diet. We eat around 5:30PM when we come in from work. DS doesn't always eat his tea whether we prepare something different for him or not. One hour later, just we as have cleared up from tea and getting ready for bedtime routines, ds announces he is hungry. The other night, he tried to help himself to sausage rolls from the fridge without asking. Some of his tea was still left uneaten on the plate as I hadn't yet cleared it away. When I asked him to place the items back in the fridge, I had a major tantrum. To cut a long story short, he helped himself behind my back. Now, I know you shouldn't let kids go to bed hungry, but when he is snacking and I am throwing good food away, I cannot let this go. Interestingly enough, I was advised to let somethings go after previous posts about his behaviour, and his behaviour is generally much better.

Last night, he asked for tinned rice, after not eating all his tea, and dw gave it to him just before his bedtime routine. After she took him upstairs for bed, he came down three times for the toilet. Question I have to ask, was he genuinely hungry, or was this an attention thing. As I said, we cannot let him go to bed hungry, but this habit has been occuring every night for quite some time. DW always gives into him. I dissagree with this, but then it is dw who gets most of the shopping despite working every day as well as me. Just wondered what you all thought? I suspect it is typical seven year old, but not entirely sure.

My son is always allowed to eat whenever he is hungry. His choices however are limited to the fruitbowl so funnily enough he rarely eats between meals. Definately agree with ditching the snack options.

I feed three of us on £250 a month, which involves plenty of fresh fruit and veg. £100 per week is pretty normal, but it can be done a lot more cheaply with hardly any noticeable drop in standards.

interesting that so many think 5;30 is too early to eat.
We used to eat at 6pm and brought it forward to 5:30 as they were so grumpy. (they snack when they come in from school). Mealtimes work much better now.

Our Rules are:
we all sit down to eat
There is only one meal on the table
If you don't eat it, that is your choice, and that is fine
If you haven't eaten dinner, there is nothing else til breakfast
If you have eaten and are hungry later, there is fruit or a slice or bread and butter.

I also don't give pudding to someone who hasn't eaten anything on their plate (don't have to eat everything, just a reasonable amount)

BUT I do make sure there is food on the table that they will all eat. eg my ds really does not like couscous. I would not expect him to eat it. But today dd1 said she didn't like pie. I shrugged and said, no pie = no pudding. It all then vanished.

Keep it low key. make your own rules and stick to them relentlessly. So much easier than having to decide everytime if he should or shouldn't be allowed the snack.

Mine's a fussy one. She's 7. I cook things I know she can eat without boaking. If she eats a reasonable amount e.g. 2/3 she gets pudding.

If she' hungry later on the options are one yoghurt or fruit or a slice of bread and butter. Because quite often dinner is at 5pm and there are times where she's heading to bed at 8.30pm. So it's a good while after.

Also she gets up much earlier if she's hungry. And I need as much sleep as I can get.

no cheese strings, no dunkers, no sausage rolls, no crap. Because if they were there, I would be tempted to eat crap instead of food. DD gets one yogurt a day (she would eat 20) and as much fruit/veg as she wants. Other than that, it is meals or nothing.

You and DW have to be on the same page. If she is complaining about his behaviour, suggest some ideas. If she doesn't want to have a plan, calmly ask her to stop complaining about the behaviour.

I have to say, we don't have any of those snack options in our fridge either. if I have anything like that it is for packed lunches (I buy cheese strings for packed lunch) The kids know that they are sacrosanct. No helping yourself, as they are only for packed lunch. Apart from lunch items, we don't have them. When they were pre-school, the rule was morning snack is fruit and glass of milk, afternoon snack biscuit/cake. They still know that in holidays they are only allowed biscuits/cake at afternoon snack.
As I read that it seems quite draconian, but actually it is all just routine.

You said in one post that there are a lot of opinions on here. Actually I have just re-read the thread, and apart from comments about time of meals, most people are pretty much saying similar things.
Meals first. Snack on limited things only if meals are eaten.

5.30 is quite early to have tea if he's had a snack between half 3 and 4. My DS has a snack at a similar time after school, then we have dinner at around half 6, 7. He knows he has to eat a fair proportion of that meal in order to get dessert/a treat afterwards. This is enough for him not to be hungry until breakfast next day.

Also your DS needs to know that he has to ask before taking food. YANBU to have treats in the house, just make it clear that they are not an 'instead of meal' option.

Many thanks everyone. Its been a while since I've caught up, but lots of 'food for thought' (Excuse the pun). Will need to have a sit down with dw and decide on a way ahead for this.