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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be unreasonable about this??

61 replies

mummy1986 · 08/10/2012 19:54

Hi not sure if i am in the right place, but i just wanted an unbiased opinion really. My DD comes home from her daddys yesterday and says he got in the bath with her. She's just 5 and asks LOTS of questions!
AIBU to not want her in the bath with him, even though it's her dad?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 08/10/2012 20:05

Over protective about what
Over cautious about what.

Original poster
mummy1986 · 08/10/2012 20:06

Well i know he's her dad. Obviously i am weird.

OP posts:
Tweasels · 08/10/2012 20:07

I honestly think most children bathe with parents at some point. But, to be fair to you OP, if this isn't something you've come across before I suppose you might find it strange.

However, to reassure you, it is totally normal and acceptable.

deleted203 · 08/10/2012 20:07

I think you are being a bit over protective. My DH quite happily shared his bath with dcs of both sexes. I have occasionally done so, but don't like it much - not because I'm weirded out by being naked with them, etc, but because I like my bath scaldingly hot, and loathe sitting in lukewarm water with small kids. I want to look like a lobster when I get out please...

I honestly think you should just forget about it. He doesn't mind bathing with DD, clearly, and neither does she. It's good that she asks lots of questions, I think. If you struggle to answer any of them a vague, 'oh I should ask Daddy about that next time you see him' would probably do. (I'm assuming they are willy questions?)

BumpingFuglies · 08/10/2012 20:08

OP what's worrying you?

IneedAsockamnesty · 08/10/2012 20:08

wow thats more than ur its shockingly bad. he is her parent and you have clearly said you do not think he is an abuser.

how hurt and offended do you think he would be if you told him not to,because by saying he shouldnt you are saying it wrong so if you dont think hes an abuser why is it wrong?

op yabvvvvvvu and im actually rather cross at your patheticness

Original poster
mummy1986 · 08/10/2012 20:08

As long as im the only one who thinks this is a little strange thats fine. If all of ur Dc get in the bath/showers etc with their dad's then i ABVVU.

OP posts:
BumpingFuglies · 08/10/2012 20:10

mummy1986 why are you concerned?

Original poster
mummy1986 · 08/10/2012 20:11

Like i said i was just asking!!!!!!
I never got in the bath with my dad maybe thats why i find it strange.
Very judgemental when i am asking a question about a situation i have never come across and just wanted to ask if u all thought it was ok etc!
Im not pathetic either thanks.

OP posts:
imperialstateknickers · 08/10/2012 20:13

There's a lot of unnecessary shouting at the OP going on here... ignore the ones who're having a go at you for asking a simple question, especially the ones who don't seem to have bothered to read the whole thread.

Having said all that, might have been safer to ask this question somewhere other than AIBU Grin

BumpingFuglies · 08/10/2012 20:13

Ok, so has this never happened before? Is it a new thing? Is that why you are worried?

imperialstateknickers · 08/10/2012 20:13

oooooh massive x-posts!

Original poster
mummy1986 · 08/10/2012 20:16

I asked her why daddy got in the bath with her and she said "i dont know he just did there wasnt a lot of room in the bath to play with my dolls".
i assume its a 1st time thing.
Like i said a million times...Just a question. No need to feed me to the lions.

OP posts:
deleted203 · 08/10/2012 20:16

I can see you were simply asking a question as it's not something you've come across. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask what other people do if it's a situation you're unfamiliar with. Hope you can feel reassured, however, that lots and lots of folk do share baths with dcs of either sex Smile. So no, YANBU to ask the question. But I don't think you have any reason for concern.

Original poster
mummy1986 · 08/10/2012 20:19

Thank you for an adult reply sowornout
i didnt have any concerns as such just never heard any dad's say "oh i had a bath with my daughter."
Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 08/10/2012 20:25

Oh for crumb's sakes!

No-one's having a go at OP, they are just trying to understand what her fears or concerns are!

OP you say you don't suspect abuse - thankfully you don't but it was a perfectly reasonable question to ask.

But you just keep saying 'is it weird'? You have to understand that we don't know what you are actually asking. Are you worried about her telling other people she bathes with Daddy? Are you worried that she is seeing a grown man naked and you want to make sure the differences between men and women is explained adequately?

Pagwatch · 08/10/2012 20:26

Actually lots of replies were pretty grown up.

I was asking you what you felt was odd about it because the only way for you to challenge your feeling that you "do not want her in the bath with him" is to figure exactly what was going on in your head.

Daddy's don't tend to say 'oh I was in the bath with my DD' in passing conversation.

HorraceTheOtter · 08/10/2012 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BumpingFuglies · 08/10/2012 20:31

Yes, lots of adult replies here. You asked a question but you seem to have worries about your DD in the bath with Dad. That must be difficult when she is not with you. Think what people are trying to get across is that there is nothing wrong with it - unless you have reason to be concerned about DD's father.

Original poster
mummy1986 · 08/10/2012 20:32

I dont know why i find it weird!

He's a grown man (yes i know he's her dad also) and she's a little girl.
If she ever has questions about anything i will answer them honestly though.

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 08/10/2012 20:32

Ha! Yes that is the best reason to stop bathing with a small child, Horace.

Proudnscary · 08/10/2012 20:33

I really, really think you need to ask yourself why you've asked and what you mean. I am NOT suggesting anything untowards going on but it is very odd not to be able to articulate in any way what you think might be strange about this.

Original poster
mummy1986 · 08/10/2012 20:40

Im not saying he is a child abuser or anything ..as much as i do not like him he is a very good parent.

My biggest fear for my kids is being abused or hurt or snatched or anything like that and i dont know why because i have never ever been abused or knew anyone who has been or been through anything of the sort (and im not suggesting he would do that because he never would.)

I had a lovely childhood.
Maybe im just being a hypocondriac!
Sorry if it sounds totally lame and pathetic.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummy1986 · 08/10/2012 20:53

I am lame aren't i?

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 08/10/2012 21:03

You're not lame, no. You are a concerned mother but - sorry to sound like a stuck record - you need to explore what is truly niggling you.

Most people wouldn't have this concern as you've seen on this thread.

You don't seem to be able to articulate or analyse your own thoughts (is that a confidence issue? Do you find it hard to process things? Or are you trying to suppress some instinct) and that is perhaps more of a worry than your dd bathing with her dad.

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