to not go to my own birthday party?

[mamamibbo]

i have made it very very clear i dont want a party (its a 'big' birthday)

ive told my mum i dont want one absolutely definately do not throw me a party

she thinks i have to have one so shes going to throw me one so she can say that she did it al for me and look good

the place she wants to have it isnt suitable for small children and i have 3

would i be unreasonable to tell her i wont be there?

YANBU. If you have warned your Mum and said you didn't want a party. Say you've got other plans for any date she chooses.

I don't think so but then I didn't go to my own 'big' birthday party either.

I think if you've said you don't want one before she decided to arrange it then she's going to have to accept the answer 'No'

Just tell her you hate parties and if she throws one you won't go anyway. Why is it so difficult for her to understand that?

You´ve told her that you don´t want a party.

If she organises one-more fool her.

Why would what she wants for your bday be more important than what you want?

Ask her to give you the guest list so that you can phone everyone to cancel.

YANBU. You've made your wishes clear. If she ignores you and does it anyway, so be it.

I upset a few people recently because they think that they were not invited to my 40th. I didn't have a party or do anything yet I have managed to cause offence.

YANBU. If it doesn't seem to be sinking in, perhaps write it down? Try and do it as positively as possible (appreciate she cares/prepared to make the effort etc) but that it is your day and it is not what you want. That way:

1 - She can't argue back and has to read it
2 - If she does go ahead anyway and you don't go, she can't say she didn't realise you really didn't want one or similar.