Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

do you make teenagers go on holiday if they don't want to?

20 replies

Alameda · 08/10/2012 10:19

and am I being unreasonable to not know whether to let my 13yo stay with her sister for half term or whether to encourage/compel her to come away with me as planned?

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 08/10/2012 10:23

Can she take a friend?

margerykemp · 08/10/2012 10:25

Why doesn't she want to go?

Mumofjz · 08/10/2012 10:27

She's 13. She goes where you go, not up for discussion. Just make sure you do things that she likes as much as doing the things you like

Where you off and why doesn't she want to join you?

PiousPrat · 08/10/2012 10:28

It sort of depends on how old her sister is. If she is 15, then you are mad. You'll be lucky to have all 4 Walls standing in your return. On the other hand if her sister is 20 and lives in her own place, then your 13 year old will still be getting a holiday while being (presumably) nearby to see her mates as well.

My elder 2DSs are getting to the age where this is starting to become a consideration and we have agreed that if it is the main family holiday, they have to come too but we do try and book a holiday that has some appeal for everyone. If it is an extra or a short break, it is up to them if they come. I have said that they will be responsible for finding somewhere suitable to stay though, if I'm sorting out for 2 adults and baby DS3 to get on holiday, I'm buggered if I'm going to run around arranging suitable care for 2 boys old enough to do it themselves.

GrimmaTheNome · 08/10/2012 10:33

What sort of holiday is it? And what is she going to be doing with her sister (does her sister work, is she taking time off?)

Scholes34 · 08/10/2012 10:36

My inclincation would be to say she should go with you. We holidayed this year with 15 year old DD, 13 year old and 11 year old DSs. Compromises have to be made for everyone to have an enjoyable time, and the DC have to understand it's all about give and take.

My DC have such busy lives, that when it comes round to holidays, I really feel I have them captive for two weeks and we ensure we have an enjoyable time together without the distractions of friends. And every year, I think phew, I got away with it again. I know it gets harder the older they get, but I want my DCs to enjoy each others, and mine and DH's, company.

FireOverBabylon · 08/10/2012 10:36

I thought you were going to say that she's 16. At 13, she goes with you, her sibling shouldn't be responsible for her. just tell her she's at least 2 years away from having that conversation with you.

Original poster
Alameda · 08/10/2012 10:49

I think she just doesn't enjoy holidays very much, and is getting herself in a knot about appearing ungrateful (we had a slightly tense time at Easter when it was just the two of us). She gets very homesick too and misses the animals. I forgot about it being Halloween while we are away and we usually have a party Hmm

Oh her sister is 22 and has her own house, she would welcome the help with the horses etc so it's not a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alameda · 08/10/2012 10:51

she has been on two holidays with me already this year, Easter and summer, I suppose I would like permission to tell her she doesn't have to come this time!

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 08/10/2012 10:53

I'm sure it would be fine to leave her with her 22 year old sister. If my older sister was anything to go by, she was stricter than my mum! Grin

Original poster
Alameda · 08/10/2012 10:56

sorry it's so rubbish on the phone and without glasses - we are visiting a friend in Milan then going to a hotel in Sicily. It's a bit late in the day to organise flights and a room for a friend I think, plus there are all sorts of pony things happening in half term that I hadn't thought of when I booked it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alameda · 08/10/2012 11:00

yes her sister is easily the most grown up person in our family

I just wonder if it is a missed opportunity for her but suspect she is capable of knowing whether she'd rather squelch around with the horses and her friends all week or be stuck with me!

OP posts:
PiousPrat · 08/10/2012 11:15

13 YO DS would rip my arm off for the chance to go back to Italy. 12 YO DS would rather stay nearer home and spend the time endlessly kicking a ball about doing activities with his friends, especially if it was the third holiday of the year.

How much do you see your DD usually? Is she a boarder or a day pupil locally? If you see her for a decent amount of time every/most days then of course it is fine if she doesn't accompany you everywhere during the holidays. If she is a boarder it is a bit more tricky because while you don't get to see her as much, it also follows that she doesn't get to see her friends, do these horsey activities or meet up with her sister as much so it becomes much more of a balancing act.

If she wants to stay, you are happy to let her, big sister is happy to take her for the week, then where is the problem? Btw, if she isn't going now, does that mean you have a spare ticket? I can have a bag packed at very short notice you know Wink

SusanneLinder · 08/10/2012 11:17

I have 3 girls, 13 (almost 14), almost 21 and 23. I would only leave my youngest if 1. this was 100% ok with the sister and 2. She had already had a holiday.

My youngest kicked up a stink about going away with us, but this was our main summer holiday (caravan in Devon), and there was no negotiation.She has ASD and is difficult at the best of times :o. She sulked ALL the way there.

I think we were there about 4 hours when she met people, and ended up having such a fab time, so much that she has asked to go back :o

We plan to leave her in March while we go to Las Vegas for a week. Trade off is we are going to Florida for a week WITH her. If budget changes and we can only do one, then Florida it is.

Original poster
Alameda · 08/10/2012 11:31

Nah she is at local state school and we live together, just the two of us and yes there is a spare ticket! My daughters are similar ages Susanne - 13, 20 and 22. I'd love the 20yo to come but no passport. Maybe it could be renewed in time? Otherwise will have to go through it alone!

OP posts:
Original poster
Alameda · 08/10/2012 11:33

she has had enough of Italy this year, Rome at Easter and Sardinia in August and I can see her point

OP posts:
BlueSkySinking · 08/10/2012 11:59

can you ask her to organise a day out for you all while away. Set a good budget.

GrimmaTheNome · 08/10/2012 12:54

A sensible house and horse owning 22year old sounds like they'd be fine... if this is what they would both like to do then maybe you should allow it. But next year, obv try to plan your holidays to take into account better her interests and other things she'd like to do. We're very aware that there's only a few years during which kids are old enough to be able to do really fun things with you and young enough to be willing to go on holiday with you, so we really do plan our holidays primarily for DDs benefit (more difficult if you've more than one kid)

See if your 20yr old can get a passport - does it have to be a full one for Italy?

jellybeans · 08/10/2012 12:55

Luckily my 16 year old wants to come but would leave her with relatives otherwise.

Original poster
Alameda · 10/10/2012 11:02

I really do need someone to come with me now, it's not refundable and is such a waste - wouldn't have chosen that hotel for myself Confused

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page