365 days lost to porn

[M1975]

new here need advice

my hubbie (4 years married) and i have been trying for a baby for over a year now. when it first started we had sex all the time, but recently its becoming more and more less frequent.

last week whilst cleaning up the house, i stepped in some ooze, and first i thought the dog had been sick, but it seems to be semen, i have noticed the tv sometimes is on strange channels when i turn on the tv to do the laundry, i just thought nothing of it. He has been going to bed later and later after me.

What should i do, i have hard enough time getting through the days knowing that having our own child is looking less and less likely but now he is putting potential seeds out over some strange dirty tv shows which show silly looking girls grinding pillows.

should i confront or try and catch him in it ?

Hi there
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OP, would you like us to move this thread to our relationships topic?

I dont know if it is degrading or not, to be honest i am not sexually overly experienced, he was my first boyfriend and that turned into husband. He is the only man i have even chosen to be with, i was raped when i was 14 by my father which is why im hesitant to do some of the things he has expressed an interest in because of what happened to me is the same thing, he has expressed an interest in, not sure the correct terminology to say this in, he wants to try different holes? sorry if that is crude on here.

because of what happened to me and he knows this i have told him no, but he asked and asks but obviously since the sex has slowed right down he hardly says it now, could they be linked do you think ? he has also asked if i would be willing to ask my friend, who likes girls, if she would like to engage in a combination of us all, i said no. My friend would probably would say yes, but i dont think i could do that with any other girl, he has been pushy about that too, and he is pretty specific its her because one time i did mention it and suggested some pretty girl on coronation street he said just my friend so i wouldnt feel uncomfortable, well i would feel uncomfortable because its bad enough when she is over and he is always drunk and flirting with her. Anyway he is coming hom in 10 minutes so I better do the dishes because he gets upset if the noise stops him being able to talk to his friends on his game.

I will see if he will want to talk tonight. I dont have anything sexy to wear, he doesnt let me when anything to bed unless im on my cycle and then its only panties.

Hmm.

Righto

Remind me again why you want a child with this person?

You say you are not overly experienced in relationships, but this guy is an arse!

So he wants to try anal and a threesome.

What a charmer.

You are better off on your own. Do not have a baby with this man.

Some of you are being really mean! usually porn threads get loads of sympathy.

I don't think this is a joke for the OP!

What makes you think your friend would be up for a threesome?

You shouldn't feel pressured into doing anything you don't feel comfortable with.

He doesn't sound a very nice person to live with, pressuring you into doing things you don't want to, cracking on to your friends in front of you (how does she react when he does that?) telling you what you can wear in bed??

What you've described isn't 'normal' in what's considered a happy, healthy relationship.

I would take up MNHQs offer of moving this to relationships, there are some fantastic posters there who know the ins and outs of the tactics this man's using to control you first hand, and so can advise you as to what options are available so you run like fuck from him

And if you listen to any advice at all, get down to the doctors and get some contraception.

Don't have a baby with this man.

Have you thought about couples therapy? You've had traumatic experiences in the past which are affecting you. You need to address these. It sounds as though they're already affecting your relationship.

FWIW, there is nothing wrong with masturbating while ttc, there is something wrong with leaving someone else to clean it up.

So, its been a couple of days, he didnt go into work yesterday so I couldnt get on. He checks what I do online.

So I tried speaking to him on friday night, sort of asked if he pleased himself whilst i was asleep, he denied it, as i thought, said I was being stupid, he said he gets congested in the evenings and sneezes alot thats why the tissues and mess was everywhere.

Friday nights he is usually playing games online until the early hours, so I had to stay awake for a long time, pretending i was asleep upstairs. It all went quiet around 3am, so i went downstairs and caught him on the phone with some woman on tv and he was touching himself, i think i upset him or scared him because when i said his name he jumped up and threw the phone at me and pushed me over, bruised my leg pretty badly, said he was on the phone to his friends and had a itch, he wasnt paying attention to the television. Said he reacted the way he did because he thought I was a burglar and its self defense reaction, he is a bouncer so he is trained to react.

I felt really bad, not only did i confront him about it and he denied, i even tried to catch him and scared him. I tried to make it up to him the last few days but he has been avoiding me.

I dont know what to do..

Sounds like he is annoyed that you have discovered his sordid secret! That he pushed you and bruised you and is a bouncer makes me worried for your safety. Please ring Women's Aid. You need help to get away from this awful bully. Despite your awful experience as a teenager, you know this isn't right. Get help, get away and take care.

The porn would not bother me, the lying would.

If I couldn't trust DH then to me there would be no relationship. I couldn't be with a liar

Go to the Gp and get your injury recorded also.

Why do you want a baby with this man?

Is this real? This man appears to have no redeeming features but you want us to give you support that would involve you demeaning yourself?
My advice is go marry someone else who respects women and can give you what you want!
And this is a wind up its in very poor taste

Get out, away from him.

He sounds nasty, and you don't need that.

"I dont know what to do.. "

Serious suggestion is to get yourself out of the marriage as soon as possible. You're married to an aggressive, abusive man with a twisted, misogynistic view of what women are for & he doesn't love or respect you in the slightest. I think your childhood experience has unfortunately had an impact on what you consider acceptable behaviour from adult males. I believe you are in danger. Don't, whatever you do, have a child with this man.

If you have somewhere to go, I'd suggest you go and stay there for a while, give yourself chance to think about how you're being treated. Womensaid is a very good resource for women in your situation.

Sorry, I meant if this is a wind up.

It is not surprising he jumped out his skin if you were creeping up on him in the middle of the night when he knew you to be asleep.

OP, this man isn't nice. you may not have much relationship experience, but please believe the mners who are telling you that there are better men out there.
Please think of it as a blessing that you HAVEN'T had a child with this man yet...

What you do is run away fast.

Watch it with him! Get him really turned on and then make the most if it. There are some fit fellas in porn films sometimes!