in thinking that being a single parent to one child is not the same as being one of a couple with two children?

[LifeIsButtercream]

Or am i going mad/a lazy, slovenly person?

I'm a single parent with a 3.4yr old DD.

My house is often a bit of a mess, nothing 'How Clean Is Your House' esque but not perfect - not dirty, just not tidy!

My parents feel it neccessary to comment on this whenever they come round - and my mum will often say that I don't have an excuse for letting it be untidy, as she always kept the house in order when I was little - as she was 'practically in the same situation' (i.e. my parents had two children and were together, I have one and am alone)

I can't seem to defend myself sufficiently against this, so I'm guessing that IABU and a bit of a pig but I thought I'd put it to the panel!

My Mum was a but like this - I printed her a copy of 'dust if you must' and she read it whilst I played on my -not hoovered for 3 says- floor. She cried. Realised she'd spent too long cleaning when we we're little and not enough time playing...

Pandem I didn't mean that in a horrible way,

I Don't live in a shit tip now either, it gets better and now a days I'm finding myself turning into my mum and agreeing with her argh.

It's not really any of your mum's business.

However , having been in both situations (single mum of one until DS was 5, now married mum with 2 DCs) I can honestly say my house ws much much tidier and cleaner when it ws just DS and I. it's far easier keeping things under control when there are just two people under one roof, I used to get DS to "help" me with cleaning by sweeping his room or putting his toys in the toy box while I got the rest done.

Tell your mum you are doing your DC a favour with the lack of cleaning, overly clean houses are linked to higher rathes of astma and allergies (www.webmd.com/parenting/d2n-stopping-germs-12/kids-and-dirt-germs)

I don't even have any kids yet (DC due in December) and my home is messy, not so messy that things get lost or broken but certainly not organised and neat. I like it that way.

So long as there is no rotting food and so long as the home is child safe then it really is non of anyone's business.

My mum was a sm and our home was very messy but we were very well kids, also we had great fun because she wasn't precious about things so we made dens under the table and put our matresses on the stairs and made a slide that we went down in sleeping bags. we "parachuted" of our chest of draws and made obstical courses for the dog and cats (the dog was better than the cats) we slept under the christmas tree and painted pictures on our bedroom wall. The house was less than presentable but we had fun!

YANBU.... I always tell my mother that only boring women have tidy houses. :)

Personally, I found it a lot easier to keep the house clean and tidy as a single parent of two than I ever did as part of a couple . However, your mum is being completely unreasonable and horribly judgemental. No one ever goes to their deathbed wishing they'd kept the house tidier, and no one's ever remembered fondly in terms of how lovely their house was. As long as it's clean and you can find stuff, it's fine. Tell her to mind her own.

I only have one (4.5 y.o. DS) and I'm married but up until he went to school, the place was always cluttered. Children, no matter how many, can create an enormous amount of mess that is hard to keep on top of....until they GO TO SCHOOL. Then most of their mess is redirected.

I was a lone parent who worked part-time with one child for 6 years until I met my DH, my house was always tidy. I found it much easier to keep my house tidy with just 2 people living there.

I now have a DH, a teenager, a four year old and a 2 year old and my house is much more messy.

If it's a priority to you, you'll tidy it. It obviously isn't, and that's fine.
Tell your mum to butt out.

I don't see why your house can't be kept tidy with one child. Whether you're a lone parent or have a partner is irrelevant. I've got a baby and a toddler plus two other dcs and always manage to keep the house tidy. I'm married but DH is out all day and the tidying up is all done before he gets in from work so I don't rely on him to help me. Keeping the house tidy with one child (lone parent or not) would be a breeze compared to having to manage the mess of four dcs.

TBH if your dad was like mine (ie totally uninvolved w. domestic anythings), then I think it probably is the same.

Still think our mum should keep quiet though.

We are a 2 parent/2 child home and its frequently a mess. I think tidy is over-rated.

your mum

I'm wondering if these ultra-tidy mums have other super powers. Flying? X-ray vision? Hulk smash?

My house is always cluttered and messy during the day, but it's clean. I see no point in tidying up until DS is in bed, he'll only mess it up again in 5 minutes if I try doing it when he's awake...

And when I spend all day taking care of a very energetic 2 year old, some nights I just want to flop on the sofa and play Xbox, screw the housework then DP does it when he gets home . No big deal once in a while...

three I'm one of those super mums and am absolutely exhausted! DH works away Monday to Saturday and we have 3 DC under 5. I put enormous pressure on myself to keep the house perfect and keep on top of all washing/ironing/home cooked meals. I am EBF DD and run the local toddler group. I have a shower and go to school in make up every morning.

I am completely and utterly fucking knackered, I have boils all over my legs, my back is killing and want to cry by the time I sit down at night

It's my fault but I don't want to look like I can't cope so struggle on like this, as I don't know any other way.

I clean the floors while DH is upstairs with our little one, playing or putting him in the bath. If DH is out for a few evenings, the floors start to look decidedly skanky because it's difficult to give them a really good wash when DS is around.

Playing is more important than housework!

YA definitely NBU. However, I suspect that this isn't just about the state of your house, and that if your mum is one for giving unsolicited judgements about things then she would find something else to criticise even if you lived in a place that looked like a display from the ideal home exhibition.

Smile sweetly and carry on

Bree I think you need to take a step back and see what your missing by tiring yourself out. Some people might judge you of you let your standards slip, but usually those people aren't worth hanging onto as friends.

Life is too short, your kids will be all grown up before you know it, and what memories will you have? Blurred, tired ones because you didn't take enough time to stop and enjoy things.

How large is your home? I say this as a lone parent in a one bed flat. You can't tidy clutter and DS seems to accumulate so much "stuff". I like crafts which adds to it all. With an extra bedroom our home would be immaculate, as it is my home always looks messy.

DS has a sleep disorder - that hasn't helped. My status as a single parent isn't the issue, home is clean but the clutter gets to me - a partner would just make it worse tbh.

I have to do periodic clear outs on a regular basis or things just get silly. My mother always had 3 bedrooms despite having 3 kids and a foster child most of the time. Oh and a garden (with storage for skates, bikes etc). The extra space made all the difference. I know this cos she's told me! Bless he cos she's coming over today to help me do yet another bin bag fling.

Modern families often start families in much smaller homes than our parents did (nothing but one/bed flats have been built locally in the last decade). I do think cupboards and bedrooms make a big difference. I also think your Mum should either offer to give you a hand or shut up frankly.

Yanbu! It's rude of them to comment. How cares if your house is a bit messy? It's really none of their business. If it bothers them that much, maybe they could help you by taking your dd out for a while to give you some uninterrupted time to do stuff in the house.