To feel shit and need a pep talk - how to balance it all?

[bubalou]

Sorry to be a baby - no doubt I will get told to pull myself together and get a grip.

Some of the posts on here are so funny and I need a bit of a cheer up / pep talk.

It's just one of those bad weeks I think. Nothing terrible. I have a lot going on - work role is changing and pressures are setting in. DS started school a few weeks ago and so that had been an adjustment in terms of he used to do long days at nursery and now we have to fit my work around school hours.

DH had to go away for work on Monday morning - he gets back tomorrow. The house feels like an absolute shit tip and then at 10am this morning just as I was cracking on with my work I got a call from the school - DS had tummy ache. I went to pick him up & he screamed that he didn't want to come home he wanted to stay at school (he loves school sooo much). Obviously I had to bring him home.

So I have got barely any work done whilst being here today - he is fine and has been an absolute terror. I just feel crap and I think I look worse than I feel. I am a very healthy eater but have eaten a giant pack of Dorito's today as couldn't be bothered / didn't have time to make my lunch.

Tell me I'm not the only one who just doesn't know how to do it all? I manage most of the time but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle trying to divide myself between work, looking after DS, taking care of the house, we have 2 dogs etc, etc.

Shit isn't it?
I work three days a week and today is one of my days at home with DD. (She's asleep finally, hence time to MN)
The place is trashed. It always is when she's home.
Back at work tomorrow and know I'll be shattered all day then have to come home, cook, clean up, get her bathed and in bed.
Do it all again the next day.

But we just about cope and hang in there, so we must be pretty special right?
Virtual hug.

We don't need to tell you how to balance it all - you're already doing that...you say you manage most of the time. That's a lot more than most people.

What's happening at the moment isn't the norm, is it? Your DH isn't normally away and your DS isn't normally at home? And it's a period of adjustment with your DS starting school. You are doing fine.

One bag of doritos does not a slob make.

Plan:

1. sit ds in front of the tv
2. put stuff in piles. it looks neater and it'll do till you have time for a proper tidy up
3. attach dusters to dogs so they can help clean as they run around
4. sit down and have a brew or a glass of wine and chill out for 10 minutes.
5. have a proper non-health food day and order takeaway tonight. it will save on cooking/washing up and you & ds both deserve it after a challenging day!

You are fabulous! You have a DS and 2 dogs! And a DH! And you cope most of the time!

Well, YANBU for feeling crap, if that's what you're asking!

I have no very wise words as I struggle myself with how to address work/family issues (and have a life I actually enjoy, without being exhausted, btw - I want to live, not just exist!)

But to get back to you.... several of your problems seem transient (DS starting school, you changing roles at work - not sure about your DH working away, is that regular or a one off?)

I don't mean 'transient' therefore insignificant, at all - I just mean that if this is a particularly hard time, and unusually so, then I think you can recognise that, accept that yes, it is horrible, but it will get better as things settle down.

If there are more longstanding problems or deep seated concerns with how your life is organised and what you have to do, then by all means set it aside to think about it - but I'd avoid doing it after a particularly bad day or week. In other words, don't stress about the Doritos. you are still a healthy eater, you just had a packet of Doritos once. You didn't drink a litre of Coke and smoke 20 Bensons!

I know everyone says it but can you get a cleaner to come in once a week?

pull myself yourself together and get a grip.

It may help to know there are worse things.

My mum died in Aug, my stepdad last month.
DD says she doesn't want to live with me because I make her feel crap and she's moving in with dickhead dad.
Said piece of sh*t is cross-suing me because I've initiated court proceedings to make him pay me what he was supposed to 18 months ago, when he refused to pay child maintenance, support or either of our 2 mortgages for 6 months.

Now do you feel better?

We're all struggling in different ways bubalou. I would sympathise but I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself.

I am a full time working single mum of three, so i know how you feel. I always worry one element of my life is lacking attention ( but as long as thats me and not dc thats fine)

Tonight i will get home at six as need to shop on way home. then cook for 4 then make sure kids done homework, clear up do some washing.

On top of all that the bf wants to come round to fit curtains to our camper van project. Fuck off went through my head at that point.

You sound like you are coping well to me. You are in the period of adjustment so please don't be too hard on yourself

Thanks everybody.

Appreciate the hug bonkers.

Love the dog and duster comment Dawn - they malt sooo much!!!

So sorry to hear about your mum and Stepdad Twitter - that is awful. I really hope things start getting better soon.

Wow diet you make me look lazy.

In answer to the question about DH - he is quite good when he is here in helping out - but yes he does go away regularly. Anything from just 2 days away a month up to 10ish spread out.

I know there are so many mums out there with more kids then me, who do more hours than me etc I am just having one of those days when it all feels too much and I wanna stick my head in a hole instead of what I need to do - another 2 hours work on laptop, cook dinner, walk dogs, hoover, clean bathroom, empty dishwasher, 2 loads of washing and if I have time shower.

You are far too hard on yourself. It's ok to say "fuck it, the house is a tip and I don't care" once in a while, the world won't end. Let it go, it's not important, you're stressing yourself out for nothing. Finish your work and then go and be with your DS, he's what's important. The house will still be there, waiting to be cleaned tomorrow.

Its amazing what u can do in half an hour. I have switched my computer off - work can wait til tomorrow.

I have collected the 2 large baskets of assorted crap / washing / washing up etc from upstairs and they r now both empty - kitchen is clean, dishwasher is empty, bins taken out & downstairs hoovered. 1 load of washing is on and I am folding the stuff from the dryer. Dinner is in the oven - only cod & potato wedges to tonight but its quick. It maybe isn't clean to a queens standard but I feel sooo much better now. Going to enjoy the rest of the evening with DS with only a few jobs to do such as feeding dogs, putting washing away, lunches for 2moro etc.

Thank u for the pep talks.