To want to work full time?

[ellargh]

I am a young-ish single mum. I have two DC's aged 4 and almost 2. 4 year old is in Reception full time and almost 2 year old has never been away from me or her dad. Their dad and I get on very well and see each other most days and he's recently unemployed. I have been on out of work benefits for four years due to not being able to find a job.

Yesterday I had a telephone interview that went really well for a call centre job a few miles away. It would only take twenty minutes on the bus per day and after a few months there I could afford to buy a cheap little car as well as meet all my bills with extra left. It's not a great job or a great wage (minimum) but it's 40 hours per week, I'd feel productive and I'd be able to provide a better life for my DC's.

I have hit opposition. DC's dad is up for it and says he has had no luck finding a job so would love to look after the DC's and do the school run while I am in work and the one day a week he does voluntary work to build up his CV he could still take DC1 to school and pick her up so DC2 would go into a nursery for the day. I don't think this is a bad idea, certainly no different to when I was SAHM and he went out to work.

My dad thinks I'm BU and he should work so I can stay home as he used to buy a lot for us and help me with the bills. I think I should work like any other person struggling and that it isn't fair for us to struggle when I am capable of working. He made a good point about the call centre having a high turnover of staff and that if I lost my job it would take a while to get back on to benefits but I think this is just something that comes with working. I have A-Levels but there seem to be no jobs available that call for them that I am able to do. I have done call centre work previously and while it's not fun, it brings home the bacon so to speak.

I have a face to face interview next week and some acquaintances of mine already work there so have put in a good word for me despite my lack of experience over the past few years. I am sure that even if I didn't get this job that I would keep on trying for another.

I know this is long and I'm sorry but AIBU to want to work full time & for DC's dad to look after them? It's shift work (9am-6pm one week and 11am-8pm the following with non-flexible hours but weekends off) so I'd still have the weekends with my DC's.

Just to clarify my dad thinks DC's dad should work as DC's dad used to buy us things and help with the bills.

It has nothing to do with your Dad. If it suits you and Dcs Dad go for it - and Good Luck.

Good for you for job hunting and looking to work full time. Your dad needs to recognise that it'll be good for you and a good example to your children.

Go for it.

I can't see any reason why you wouldn't to be honest (but then I work full-time and always have!).

So long as your shifts and your childcare are compatible I would say go for it. The main reason I didn't work full time was childcare costs which meant I was working for very very little actual take home pay, it didn't seem worth it (it wasn't worth it!) but if your DC's dad is happy to be a SAHP or take on the majority of childcare I would say go for it, and good luck.

I'm now back at work full time and I adore it. (I also adored being a SAHM for 8 years).

Ignore your Dad, give him a hug and remind him of the century we now live in.

Go for it. I work full time and still get a decent amount of time with my DS. He is very happy going to nursery. I can see why you feel sort of obliged to listen to your dad, but it's your decision, and you have to be able to provide for your kids and yourself later. The best way to do that is build up a career again now.

I really hope you get the job, you sound super smart. You are doing what you can for your family in tough times. You have a supportive partner who is capable of looking after your children. AND you get weekends off. Jobs like this are too good to pass up.

Why does it matter what your Dad thinks? It sounds like he hasn't really thought what it would mean to you. Could you sit down and explain the benefits to you and your family, but really, don't worry about what he thinks. He'll have to get used to the idea.

Good Luck!

I've been working since I was 14 & have been out of work since I was 20. I say out of work (I've been doing some freelance work) but not actually out to work. I have always worked from home earning money as and when which just messed up tax credits & benefit claims. About a year ago I stopped as it was too much stress without a stable income. I think I've lost confidence. I haven't been to an interview in years so I'm at home looking at tips on the internet.

I guess I'm overthinking it. It's a good thing to work. Yes, I'll still be claiming CTC, WTC & CB but I'll be paying tax and helping out.

My dad has been a great help. He drives me where I need to go, adores his grandchildren, has supported me and DC's dad through the hard times, helped me when DC's dad had to move out due to our finances being so dire, still hopes when we get on our feet he'll move back in and we'll finally get married etc. I think that's why I value his opinion so much even though is he is very much stuck in his gender roles and family values of the 1950's. I disregard a lot of what he says but I think this has stuck with me so much because I want to be home with my DC's yet we need the money.

This sounds absolutely like the right thing for you. Hope it works out!

Thanks everyone. You've reaffirmed that this is what I want to do. I'm going for the interview and fingers crossed it all goes well! I'll keep you updated.

saw this on active threads and would say

Congrats on getting an interview and go for it

it will do wonders for you and your children in terms of confidence and setting an example about working for a living

Your dad has to realise that its whats best for you and your DC's dad that matters most.

At least with DC's dad looking after them you will not worry about them so much and will not have to pay childcare fees etc

Go for it. One parent at home, one working full time is how many families live. It doesn't matter which way round it as as long as dcs are happy and looked after.

I can't see the problem other than your dad's sexism and it's nothing really to do with him.

Go for it.

Go for it. It sounds like the best thing for you and your family. Your dad's (somewhat sexist) opinion really shouldn't come into it.

It's all very well your dad saying the children's father should be the one working, but if he can't get a job and you can...well, that's just reality.

It's none of your dad's business anyway. It wouldn't occur to me to consult my parents about a decision like this.

Good luck with the interview!

YANBU. I sometimes find it difficult to believe that theres such a culture of women not working in this country that now someone who wants to "runs up against opposition" when they declare an intention to do so. Particularly when the alternative is to exist on benefits. Whats the point in rearing female children, only for such restricted futures?

If you work full time now, you will probably turn your life around and set a good example and standard of living for your children. Grasp this opportunity and don't let anyone else persuade you otherwise.

Good Luck to you, you're trying to do the best you can to provide for your family. Who can moan at that?

Whilst it may be hard at times your work ethic is really good to show your children.

Best of Luck.