Sleepover with new friend...

[impty]

My dd started secondary school a month ago. She has made new friends which is probably great. One of her new friends has a sleepover on Saturday. But I've never meet her or her parents. I have no idea where they live. I don't know what they propose to do etc etc.

Now they are probably a nice family etc etc I am probably being over protective. In a years time when I've got to know this girl and her family I may happily let her go...

But now I'm saying no she can't go. AIBU?

No invite, no address no phone number! But these may arrive in the next few days...

Should point out that dd, is dd2. Had enough experience with dd1 when she started secondary school (diff one, we've since moved to a new part of the country) to realise that not all parents are what I would call responsible!

If it is a party then I'm sure I can make some arrangement so she can go but not sleep over. If not then dd misses out, but I'm sure she'll get over it.

My experience is that sometimes kids are hesitant to call home if there's a problem, in case it appears rude.

Also "my mum won't let me" is a great get out excuse if being pressured into doing something you aren't quite comfortable with.

I wouldn't let the dog stay somewhere I hadn't checked out thoroughly, I won't let dd!

You need to talk to the other mother, if only to be sure that she knows about this sleepover!

Stick to your guns OP and if possible why not invite the girls round your house another evening to watch a film, and stay up late but send them home when it suits you. I find there's nothing worse than kids who have been up all night being miserable for the next 3 days until they catch up on their sleep, unless it's the worry of what they have been getting up to when the parents are asleep

I was going to say the same thing seeker

I had a call the other day saying "oh I understand x is invited to stay at yours on Saturday. I wanted to know what time he would be leaving on sunday because I know mini tantrums plays football on Sunday?"

I had to explain that this was the first I'd heard of it, although my ds1 had asked me if he could go to a party that a year 11 was having (they are year 9) that finished at 2am and I said no.

Can I just ask though op you say that in a year or so you will know the parents better and then decide?
I can honestly say I don't really know dd and ds1 friends parents the way I do ds2 who is 9. I mean I've spoken to them on occasion about arrangements, seen them once or twice at parents evening but I don't really know them.
When they are at primary, you see the parents a lot and get to know them but I've found as they get older, you don't have as much contact with the parents to know whether they are "suitable" or not.

Tantrumsandballoons I will do everything humanly possible to get to know new friends and parents in the next year... And in a years time I will have more to go on than the nothing I have now!

Still no invite, just word of mouth. Either Mum/ dad knows nothing about it, or not got round to it or just a bit casual.

On a better note have had a chat with dd. Who took the news very well. Understood my reasons, and understood that it was for her safety etc. So no drama there which is a relief.

Had a quick scout round the house for a little gift and a birthday card for the new friend, as it's her birthday tomorrow.

No doubt tomorrow will bring a new and exciting parenting dilemma!

That's kind of what I meant, it takes so much more effort to get to know their friends parents at this age.
I still double check arrangements with parents if they involve my DCs going to someone's house or getting a lift for example but I have noticed as they have got older, and we very rarely see the other parents that a lot of people do not double check.

Well your dd sounds very mature and sensible, and you have obviously explained to her very well the reasons you are unsure so no harm done anywhere.

I think it's a food thing you are not happy to send her somewhere that you know nothing about.

my DD is in Y8 and we have never done sleepovers, except at friends whose parents are also good friends of ours. and only to GPs while still primary age

I would want to know all sorts - who will be there including visiting "uncles" or older brothers friends etc, do they have a dog, smoke, have a smoke alarm

you have to be so careful, you cannot make ANY assumptions about their parenting choices being the same as yours - it may be perfectly OK in their eyes to let their older teen son and younger daughter both have friends round at the same time, or to get in a babysitter and her BF who you know nothing at all about, to let them roam the streets till midnight, or to go out and leave them all night while they go clubbing

you cant ask too many questions IMO

*good :(

at it being a bad thing to have older brothers friends over at the same time as younger daughters!!!! Really? Do you lot really have so little trust in your children that you think they're going to be getting drink and having sex the minute you're not there?

And you check they have a smoke alarm as well? Do you test said smoke alarm too?

I'm all for being sensible but that sounds paranoid to me. What will you do when.they leave home?