Have a friend who I love to bits and have hung out with a lot over the past 10 or so years, we have loads in common etc, but who has always had a real issue about "commitment" (not romantic commitment, I mean commitment in terms of setting aside time for friends and sticking to arrangements.) She's always been really unwilling to make appointments and stick to them, preferring ad hoc arrangements and drop-ins and prone to last minute cancellations and goalpost-moving. I've more or less tolerated this because I've never thought it worth a fight as she clearly doesn't like being asked to stick to a timetable, so to speak.
I've just recently moved away from the area we both lived in for 10 years or more. Not that far, only 3 or so miles away but getting to see her requires a bit more planning because it involves public transport. But she's always incredibly unwilling to commit. If I try to arrange a time to meet she'll say "let me get back to you" etc and never actually agrees to a time. This has happened three or four times over the past two months and was starting to irritate me. Then last weekend, after several attempts to nail her down to a date we actually had something set up and I blew her out, through no fault of my own, because DH was delayed getting back from work and I didn't have babysitter. She wasn't left totally high and dry because there were two other mutaul friends there. But it was annoying and I think she may have been a little bit annoyed...
Anyway, I then apologized copiously by text and phone, said I'd take her out, my treat, etc. She basically said, not prepared to commit to another date now because too busy. Pretty much indefinitely. I can hear the snub, though its not explicit.
We both have one dc each, hers 2-ish, mine 18 months. Both work (more or less) full time. Her DP is a sahp, mine works full time. So we both genuinely have challenges finding time. I do understand this and I know sometimes things have to be cancelled, rescheduled etc and not worth getting pissy about this.
But I still think that to insist, point blank, that one cancelled date means she's now essentially free from making any more attempts to see me is a bit off. I sort of feel like maybe she's someone who prefers socializing for its own sake to actually seeing the person, and I feel quite upset about it. I think if you are a genuine friend, you at least should be prepared to plan to see someone, even if you accept that it may have to be moved.
Have I pissed her off more than I realized with my cancellation and do I need to eat more humble pie? Or is she a bit of a rubbish friend who needs a bit of a talking to?